Creativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process.
In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore the magic of accessing our creativity and finding safety in our bodies. We also talk about how to find the right therapist, how to open ourselves up to creative practices, and how freeing it can be to invite our inner critic to take a back seat.
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Resources, References, and Links
Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.
Relational Therapy. An approach “based on the idea that mutually satisfying relationships with others are necessary for one’s emotional well-being.”
My tiger picture!
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. Such an excellent book!
Parts work episode. Episode #46: “Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT.”
Blind contour exercise. A skill building exercise where you draw something without looking at what your hand is doing.
Transcript
Note: this transcript was generated by AI. Please forgive any malapropisms and misspellings. It’s the robot’s fault!
[00:00] Amanda Melbostad: When you do finally sit with the sadness,
[00:04] when you do finally cry, you let it out.
[00:07] Something does shift and something does change, and it actually doesn’t stay that way forever.
[00:13] And so how creativity, I think, comes into play here is that simply moving paint stick or a marker or a crayon on a piece of paper is movement. It is energy in motion, right?
[00:34] It allows us to sometimes enter the body,
[00:40] enter the psyche a little bit, maybe from a side door.
[00:47] Cate Blouke: Welcome to Settling is Bullshit, a sweary podcast about claiming your joy.
[00:53] If you are craving healthier boundaries, a greater sense of purpose, or an increased capacity to feel at ease in your own skin, then you are in the right place, my friend.
[01:02] I’m your host, Cate Blouke, joy activist and life coach to smart and sensitive humans.
[01:07] I’m here to offer you practical tools and playful encouragement to step forward and be your most awesome self. My hope is that each episode will leave you feeling a bit more empowered to make brave choices and claim your joy.
[01:22] Hello, my friends.
[01:24] Today’s episode is all about creativity and healing, our relationship with the inner critic and just getting into our feelings and movement and all of that good yummy.
[01:42] Our guest is Amanda Melbastad,
[01:44] a somatic therapist, yoga teacher,
[01:47] fiber enthusiast, color nerd,
[01:50] and a person who finds joy in deep, soulful conversations,
[01:55] as you’re going to hear us talk about. Amanda is a relational therapist, meaning they focus on building genuine and authentic relationships with people. They also have an approach to therapy that I find really exciting, which is why I wanted to talk to them,
[02:09] in which they blend trauma informed care with creativity and somatic therapy,
[02:15] rooting their approach in creative expression and mindfulness.
[02:19] So Amanda and I had this really yummy conversation about creativity as an access point to moving through difficult emotions, to connecting with ourselves, to connecting with what really matters, and in really healing our relationship and letting go of the ways in which our inner critic can hold us back.
[02:42] Amanda is also a graduate of the Lewis and Clark Art Therapy program, which is the program that I’m hoping to get into for fall of next year.
[02:50] So we spoke earlier this summer,
[02:53] and it was just another sort of reinforcing factor in my decision to sort of head in that direction because I genuinely believe that creativity is such a beautiful inroad to our own kind of healing and authenticity.
[03:09] And it was just like a lovely kickstart for me to be moving back into school.
[03:15] And I have survived my first week everybody of prerequisite classes, including some psychology classes and some art classes. So this was a really great conversation for me to Have.
[03:26] I hope you enjoy it and that you leave feeling a little bit more inspired to broaden your definition and understanding of what creativity can be and to invite yourself to, like, go play with some crayons or some markers or some paint.
[03:41] Because the more we can get out of our, like, thinking, analytical heads and into our bodies and movement and paint and color,
[03:49] the more yummy access we have to our own full range of expression and joy.
[03:56] So I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did.
[04:08] How do you figure out what makes a good therapist for you?
[04:10] Amanda Melbostad: I think some of the things that I learned in school were, one, that there’s this, like, certain level of professionalism that I was kind of unaware of. I was also unaware of, like, my power in the scenario as a client.
[04:26] Yes. That I’m interviewing them as much as their interview. I was like, I thought I was the one being interviewed. Like, Right.
[04:35] They would get to accept me, you know, or not.
[04:38] Like, I had no idea that in the ethical code, it’s like, no,
[04:44] the interview is for the client.
[04:46] It’s for the client to say whether or not the therapist is a good fit.
[04:50] Cate Blouke: You know, it’s funny, like, I just went through a series of interviewing, like, five therapists,
[04:54] but even, like, even in doing that, I hadn’t really thought about it that way.
[04:59] Yeah.
[04:59] Amanda Melbostad: Because we don’t over on this end, right. We’re like, oh, I’m going to a doctor or an expert or whatever. Like, can you help me? Can you fix me? And then like, they get to like, choose or decide whether or not they can help you.
[05:11] And the only reason a therapist should deny you, so to speak.
[05:15] Cate Blouke: Right.
[05:16] Amanda Melbostad: Or say that they can’t help you is if they’re. If what you need is out of scope of their expertise.
[05:23] Cate Blouke: Right, Right.
[05:24] Amanda Melbostad: Something someone’s coming to you with, like, disassociative identity disorder, and you have no experience with it.
[05:31] Cate Blouke: Right.
[05:31] Amanda Melbostad: And that’s what they’re wanting to work on.
[05:34] Then your ethical obligation is to then not only say, I don’t think I’m a good fit for you, but also give them referrals.
[05:44] Cate Blouke: Right.
[05:45] Amanda Melbostad: So that they are getting like a little bit of a jump start of what they need. Because otherwise they’re just like, okay, well, that person didn’t work, so now I’m just like, off looking for something else.
[05:55] Cate Blouke: Right. Back in the whole, like, mess of fucking contacting therapists, looking for people, all of that shenanigan. Yeah, yeah.
[06:02] Amanda Melbostad: Every therapist should have a professional disclosure statement,
[06:06] which is essentially the contract,
[06:09] the relationship saying this is how I practice. Here’s my cancellation policy.
[06:15] Here is what it might look like if we were to see each other in real life outside of therapy session.
[06:24] The other helpful chunk is that people either don’t know or like to just blissfully ignore is like, it could get really hard in here.
[06:34] Like you could end up feeling like worse than you do now when we start to get into the thick of it. And my expectation is that you tell me that and that talk about that and we, we figure that out together.
[06:49] And if I’m not. If it, if it’s worse in a way that means I’m not a good fit for you,
[06:54] then we talk about that and we figure out what it is that you need and I help you find that.
[07:00] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[07:00] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[07:01] Cate Blouke: I remember a dear friend of mine who’s been on the show before.
[07:04] I remember years and years ago, she sort of pointed out that like, I could give my therapist feedback.
[07:10] Amanda Melbostad: Uh huh.
[07:11] Cate Blouke: And that like, blew my mind. I was like, wait, what? And she’s like, yeah, it’s not your job to protect her feelings.
[07:17] It’s your job to tell her when she does things you don’t like.
[07:21] Amanda Melbostad: Um, yeah.
[07:22] Cate Blouke: So that she knows.
[07:23] Amanda Melbostad: And I was like, what?
[07:24] Cate Blouke: That’s crazy.
[07:26] Amanda Melbostad: And a good therapist would get excited about that.
[07:29] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[07:30] Amanda Melbostad: Because that’s the meat of therapy is when the relationship is in the room.
[07:36] Right. When you’re not talking about other relationships. Right. The when the client’s not talking about the relationship they have with their mother or their partner or whatever.
[07:46] When they are suddenly talking about the relationship that is present in the room. Like that’s where the meat is. That’s the good stuff. Because you’re like, well, this we can work with.
[07:56] Like, now I have something concrete and solid and I can help to show you what it’s like to sit in conflict and be with the discomfort. And I’m still here.
[08:11] And I’m going to be here next week and the week after that.
[08:14] I expect you to come back.
[08:17] Because I will come back and I will keep showing up. Right.
[08:20] Like, that’s, that’s why that is like,
[08:23] so important.
[08:24] And of course no one knows that.
[08:26] Cate Blouke: Right.
[08:27] Amanda Melbostad: No one thinks they come to therapy to talk about all the other stuff. Right, right.
[08:32] Cate Blouke: And to get.
[08:33] Amanda Melbostad: And that’s also true.
[08:35] Cate Blouke: Well, yeah, yeah. And that you as the therapist are like the arbiter and the expert in the room and like, totally know what you’re doing.
[08:42] Amanda Melbostad: Yes.
[08:43] Cate Blouke: And you know, are a mind reader, obviously.
[08:47] Amanda Melbostad: Yes.
[08:48] Cate Blouke: Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Amanda, I. You were just lighting up about all that. Like, what do you love about being a therapist?
[08:56] Amanda Melbostad: So many things. I love being in relationship. I love being in true, honest relationship with people. Deep, meaningful relationship. Like, to me, that feels like connection.
[09:17] Cate Blouke: That’s so interesting because, like, as a client,
[09:19] I. I don’t necessarily think of myself as in relationship with my therapist, even though, like, I love my therapist. And I’m like, you’re so helpful to me and you make my life better.
[09:28] But it’s so, like, there’s this sense of boundary to me or. Or whatever. So it’s so lovely to hear you as the therapist in this,
[09:41] to. To be treating it that way.
[09:44] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and that’s what. Talk about lingo. That’s what makes me a relational therapist. Using the air quotes.
[09:53] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[09:54] Amanda Melbostad: Like, this is what’s in my bio. Right. You’ll see this in a lot of several people’s bios. Right. That’ll say, oh, as a relational therapist, I work this way. Or I am a relational therapist.
[10:06] Cate Blouke: What does that mean?
[10:07] Amanda Melbostad: It. It means we are putting the relationship between us and the client as the. That is the value. That is what gets held as the container.
[10:20] Cate Blouke: Cool.
[10:21] Amanda Melbostad: The importance. That’s kind of like the. The foundation that we’re working from is that you and I have a relationship.
[10:28] I show up committed to you. I’m going to trust whatever you bring me, because in my mind, that’s all I have.
[10:35] I believe you.
[10:37] Cate Blouke: Hmm.
[10:38] Amanda Melbostad: I just believe you.
[10:40] For me to not believe you doesn’t help.
[10:43] Right. Sends us on a different track. I’m here for whatever you’re bringing, whatever journey you’re taking us on,
[10:49] like, I’m here for it. Am I gonna guide? Yes. Am I. Am I gonna. Like, when I have some sort of instinctual reaction of, like,
[10:58] I think we just glossed over something there, or I think that I keep hearing you, like, go to the feeling, but then immediately intellectualize it to me last week.
[11:12] Cate Blouke: It was great.
[11:12] Amanda Melbostad: I’m gonna bring us back to the feeling, you know, like. And that kind of work. I also love pattern recognition.
[11:21] And I.
[11:22] It’s. I love it in relationship. I love it in human behavior and the way our mind and nervous system works. Like,
[11:32] I innately am able to just pick up on patterns in that way. Patterns in people’s nervous systems, patterns in their behavior or their speech or their body language.
[11:47] And patterns are what we’re usually stuck in. And usually we’re trying to alter or identify or.
[11:57] I hate to say the word overcome, but, yeah, maybe in some. In some cases. Overcome.
[12:02] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[12:03] Shift Whatever. Yeah, yeah,
[12:06] I love that.
[12:08] So you use people’s creativity to aid in the therapeutic process.
[12:13] That is one of the specialities that you bring to working with clients.
[12:19] What does that mean?
[12:21] Right. So we talked about what it means to be a relational therapist. What does it means to be a therapist who engages with people’s creativity?
[12:28] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. I will also add on that I think I first and foremost call myself a somatic therapist.
[12:33] Cate Blouke: Oh, okay, great.
[12:35] Amanda Melbostad: Because I am very much focused around the soma, the body being the full body experience,
[12:44] what’s happening in the mental body, the emotional body, the physical body,
[12:49] which means. Which includes the nervous system. Right. Like, everything that’s happening there.
[12:54] And so because I am so deeply engrossed with the soma in the healing experience,
[13:03] creativity is one of those things that everyone has despite.
[13:10] We don’t. Right.
[13:12] And I am so guilty of it. So, so many times I have said, oh, I’m not an artist. Oh, I’m not creative. You know, we’ve all. We’ve all just done it.
[13:21] Okay. Maybe there’s a select few out there that just from birth to death just never denied that they were an artist. And I’m sure there’s a few of them out there.
[13:31] Cate Blouke: How do you define creativity, then? I mean, I’m fully on board with this. That, like, it’s something we all have. It’s something that, like, there’s so much.
[13:40] Amanda Melbostad: It’s what makes us human.
[13:42] Cate Blouke: Oh, how so?
[13:44] Amanda Melbostad: Creativity. Well, okay, let me refine that.
[13:47] Cate Blouke: I mean, I love it.
[13:48] Amanda Melbostad: I’m not arguing it is what has helped us evolve so heavily as humans.
[13:57] Lots of other animals exhibit our idea of creativity. Right. But creativity really just requires an opening of the mind,
[14:10] a compassionate curiosity,
[14:14] and if, like an ability to let go of maybe preconceived notions, ideas,
[14:22] and explore.
[14:24] Cate Blouke: Yeah. And when you put it like that. Right. It’s not just, oh, I can pick up a paintbrush and make something magical and perfect on a canvas.
[14:33] It’s the willingness to try.
[14:36] Amanda Melbostad: Yes.
[14:37] Cate Blouke: And. And see what unfolds.
[14:40] Amanda Melbostad: Like, think of all the different ways that you’ve used the. The term creativity. Right?
[14:45] Like. Oh, the. Like the way that per. Like the. The thinking about that concept was so creative. The book, like, the way they wrote that book or the way they narrated that book was so creative, right?
[14:58] Well, we use it in a lot of.
[15:00] Usually speaking of other people in all these ways, and it’s when we do,
[15:08] you know, when we then turn it onto ourselves.
[15:11] Right. To think of ourselves as being creative or ourselves as being artists, like capital A artists.
[15:18] Then comes this like, mirage of like qualifications that you must have in order to carry that title.
[15:27] Cate Blouke: Right.
[15:28] Amanda Melbostad: And so that can get confusing.
[15:31] Cate Blouke: Totally. I mean, and I.
[15:33] That’s been a big part of my journey in the last few years especially is this fraught relationship with those kinds of words. Like being a writer with a capital W was the big one for me for a long time.
[15:47] Even though, you know, I’ve.
[15:49] I’ve worked for a newspaper, I have been professionally paid to write things for quite a number of years.
[15:57] But like, I don’t have a book and I didn’t do, you know, investigative journalism or like lengthy op EDS in fancy magazines. And so for me, you know, in my little brain, I’m like, well, that’s what makes somebody a writer,
[16:12] you know, and it’s so silly.
[16:14] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, yeah, we do fully and we all do it.
[16:18] Yeah. We constantly cut ourselves off from our own creativity, from our own kind of just innate ability to daydream and experiment and play. You know, like all of those things are involved in that.
[16:33] Yet we do those things in our lives, most likely. Right. We have ways of different ways that we might enter a flow state with something that we’re doing,
[16:43] whether it’s,
[16:44] you know,
[16:45] gardening or cooking or baking or writing.
[16:50] Podcasting. Right.
[16:53] How is podcasting not a creative endeavor?
[16:56] Cate Blouke: Because I’m not getting paid for it? I don’t know.
[16:59] Amanda Melbostad: Well, that definitely is not a qualification for creativity.
[17:02] Cate Blouke: Right,
[17:03] Right. I think. Well, I think that’s the thing. I think for me, I think that’s where that capital letter comes in. Right. It’s like once, once you have been able to fully finance yourself on the back of this thing that you are making, like, that’s when you get to be a capital W writer,
[17:18] a capital A artist, a capital T podcaster.
[17:21] And for a long time,
[17:23] you know, that shut me off from claiming these like big important parts of my identity, from feeling like, proud of it. Like, I’m so tired of being apologetic about it.
[17:34] Amanda Melbostad: Right.
[17:34] Cate Blouke: Of having this like, oh, well, I’m a writer, but I don’t have a novel or oh, I’m a podcaster. But I even. I just did it. Right. I’m like, I’m not making any money doing this yet.
[17:42] Amanda Melbostad: You know, so what, so what I heard you say was, if you don’t fit into the qualifications of capitalism, you can’t have the title.
[17:54] Cate Blouke: Yes, it’s terrible. It’s terrible.
[17:57] Amanda Melbostad: I will challenge that.
[17:58] Cate Blouke: I will. Thank you. Please. I would like to challenge that too. That’s why I’m Naming it here because it’s bullshit. And, and so I love getting to model that and just how ingrained it is.
[18:07] Right.
[18:08] And how socialized we are and how just like deep rooted it it is.
[18:15] And this idea that in order to be an identity,
[18:20] there has to. It has to be tied to, you know, some sort of external qualification.
[18:25] Amanda Melbostad: You must be adding value to the capitalist machine.
[18:29] Cate Blouke: Right?
[18:29] Amanda Melbostad: No. You’re doing that by making a lot of money, having a great title,
[18:34] having a nice house and a white picket fence and a partner. And a heterosexual partner nonetheless.
[18:40] Cate Blouke: Right.
[18:41] Amanda Melbostad: Yes. That you are filling the criteria that have been outlined by our white supremacist capitalist society. And that is sad and infuriating.
[18:55] Cate Blouke: Yes, it is sad and infuriating. And it’s a trap and it’s a lie. And like, how do we get out of it? I mean, by having conversations like this. Yeah.
[19:04] But still,
[19:06] it’s just like so insidious.
[19:10] Amanda Melbostad: You know, that brings me to speaking of, you know, creativity and when it comes to thinking of ourselves as creative or even thinking of ourselves as being able to make art,
[19:22] you know, a lot of this wounding happens in school.
[19:26] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[19:27] Amanda Melbostad: When we’re young, either from something we did in school and how our parents reacted to how we made something in school. And maybe a teacher was like,
[19:38] no.
[19:39] Or other kids might have been like, that’s not very good. And then suddenly you’re like, well, I’m not good at this. Let’s just throw it all out.
[19:47] Cate Blouke: Yeah. I don’t have a, like,
[19:49] inciting incident really to point to, but that definitely happened to me at some point around, like, late elementary school,
[19:58] which was the point at which I was like, yeah, like, I. I’m not, I can’t draw.
[20:02] I don’t know how to draw. I can’t do that. That’s just something other people are good at.
[20:07] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah,
[20:08] yeah. That little seed gets planted.
[20:11] And also that comes from the other external messaging that is like, oh,
[20:18] you, you’re just born talented or you’re not. Right. Like, I definitely got that messaging. Like, oh, either you’re naturally good at drawing great. Then you could maybe be an artist.
[20:28] If not, then that’s just not the path for you.
[20:31] You need to like, go do something else.
[20:33] However,
[20:34] what we aren’t taught is that all of the famous artists, like, did thousands of paintings, thousands of drawings before ever being good at them, you know, and like, that’s what’s so great about, you know, the traveling Monet exhibit.
[20:50] Right. Where they’re showing like, these sketches and like, figure drawings. He also Made,
[20:55] like, crappy pottery, you know, like, he was doing ceramics, but, like, nobody sees that because it’s like he was just playing around, you know?
[21:04] Cate Blouke: Yeah. And that’s something I’m really working on with my own creative practice. And it’s funny, I even, like, I wanted to say art practice, and then my brain jumped in and was like, well, it’s creative.
[21:15] I don’t know if I’m making art, but own it. Well, I.
[21:20] I mean,
[21:21] I’d have to interrogate, like, what do I mean by Art vs Creativity? But point being, like, even in those own practices, like, I find myself getting stuck or. Or having a hard time because, like, I want to produce something good.
[21:37] And good, I think, to me means I would want to put it on my wall.
[21:43] And I’ve had to really actively work against that, especially as I’m, like, I am consciously making an effort to learn to draw.
[21:50] And that just means I have to draw a lot of crappy drawings in order to get better.
[21:55] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[21:55] Cate Blouke: But it. It really is this, like,
[21:58] ongoing practice that I have to notice what comes up for me and be like, no, thank you. It’s fine. We don’t.
[22:07] I don’t have to make something to go on my fridge for it to be worth doing.
[22:12] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. And that’s where we talk a lot about our inner critic.
[22:17] Because the inner critic is the one saying, it needs to be good.
[22:21] Needs to be good enough to put on the wall. It needs to be good enough to sell and make money. And,
[22:29] you know, like,
[22:30] puts all these qualifications on it. And that’s often what prevents us from exploring it.
[22:39] Cate Blouke: Absolutely. If I’m just getting constantly frustrated because the thing I’m doing. Doing isn’t good enough to put on my wall, then, like, I’m gonna give up.
[22:48] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. Yeah. What would it feel like to change that expectation?
[22:54] Cate Blouke: Well, we’re working on it. I’m working on it. It’s feeling better. You know, if I can get into the minds. For me, it’s a very mindset, heavy shift of. Of, like, all right, like, I’m just playing.
[23:07] I’m just working on building hand eye coordination,
[23:10] honestly. Cause, like, that’s what drawing is.
[23:13] It’s like hand eye coordination.
[23:15] And it’s been really liberating.
[23:18] But it. It’s an ongoing practice for me to combat the inner perfectionist and the inner critic to just, like, muck around.
[23:26] Amanda Melbostad: What was the motivation for learning to draw or wanting that desire to want to draw?
[23:31] Cate Blouke: Yeah. So, like, that. That desire has always been there, but my inner critic very much always Got in the way. You know, I. I think I very much have been combating perfectionism for a large part of my life in a way that I gave up years and years ago because I was like,
[23:48] well, I can’t.
[23:49] I can’t do it.
[23:51] It’s not good enough.
[23:52] I give up.
[23:54] And I would say the last, I don’t know, decade of my life has just been this huge effort to push against or question some of those ideas about who I am and what I’m capable of.
[24:06] And. And drawing is one of the many areas that I recognize that. No, I’ve just been telling myself I can’t draw for decades. Like, what if we interrogated that? And actually, like, I.
[24:15] I am very good at doodling flowers.
[24:17] Yeah, I. I noticed that. I was like, oh, I. I can do that. Like, what if.
[24:22] What if I tried to apply myself a little bit more?
[24:29] And it’s been great. I posted this on Instagram a little while ago.
[24:32] There’s this drawing exercise that a lot of, like, drawing one on one or books that I’ve picked up a start with, with, which is like trying to draw something upside down.
[24:41] Amanda Melbostad: Yep.
[24:42] Cate Blouke: Right.
[24:43] And it’s always this, like, ugly Picasso picture that I’m just. This is heinous, and it’s frustrating and it makes me mad. So I printed out a very cute picture of a tiger and drew that upside down, and I was able to draw that great.
[24:57] It was wonderful and very, like, awesome confidence building and affirming for me because I, like, cared about the thing that I was trying to draw a little bit more.
[25:08] Amanda Melbostad: Yes. Yeah. Well, there’s that. Right? Caring about the thing.
[25:12] Yeah. And. And, like, going back to this inner critic, it’s.
[25:17] It’s really. This inner critic lives in us for, like, all kinds of things. Right. It’s not like it just shows up with creativity,
[25:27] but often enough,
[25:29] that is where it really comes out and does its best sometimes. Right?
[25:35] Yeah. And so, I mean, I remember learning early on in, you know, my move from more of the kind of, like, I don’t know, maybe what the fine art world would consider crafts.
[25:50] I have a background,
[25:53] a degree in apparel design. And so I grew up making clothes and sewing and fibers and knitting and crochet and all that stuff,
[26:01] and then getting to a point in my life where I was like, oh, I’m kind of interested in. I would never have touched a painting or paints or watercolors or colored, like, would not touch any of it because I had learned, oh, I’m not good at drawing.
[26:19] So I don’t do those things.
[26:21] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[26:21] Amanda Melbostad: You know, and then somewhere in my 30s was like, well, I just wanna. I just wanna dabble. I’m gonna try.
[26:27] And then.
[26:28] Yeah. How that inner critic shows up has a lot to do with your creative practice. And I remember learning that this is actually from the book Big Magic.
[26:41] Cate Blouke: So good.
[26:41] Amanda Melbostad: It’s a good book. Is that like.
[26:44] No. You need to, like,
[26:46] give that inner critic some love,
[26:48] and you also need to not shun it. And this. I mean, this just reminds me, too, of, like, you know, your other. Your podcast where you were talking about ifs and parts work.
[26:58] Right? Like, the minute we shun any part of ourselves,
[27:01] the minute we cut ourselves off in any way,
[27:04] we’re doing damage, we’re doing harm to ourselves.
[27:08] And so that inner critic still needs to come along for the ride.
[27:11] They still get to watch.
[27:13] They still get to say what they’re going to say.
[27:16] We just, as our capital S self, get to say, I hear you, and I’m going to do it anyway. Yeah. I want to do this, and I’m choosing to do this.
[27:26] And I know you’re really afraid and you’re trying to protect me. You just. You want me to only feel love and be happy, and. Of course you do, and that’s really kind of.
[27:38] And I can take it.
[27:40] I’m still gonna. Just gonna make this ugly drawing. And maybe two days from now, I’ll come back and I’ll look at it, and I won’t think it’s ugly.
[27:47] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[27:49] Yeah. Right?
[27:50] Mm.
[27:51] I like that. The reminder that the inner critic is just scared and, like, wants what’s best for us. Cause I can definitely villainize mine. And so, yeah, it’s a protector.
[28:02] And I get so frustrated with it,
[28:04] especially when I’m like, no, I want to draw. Get off my case,
[28:07] you know.
[28:12] Amanda Melbostad: Draw.
[28:13] Cate Blouke: And it’s okay that it’s bad, because I won’t get better if don’t do it bad first.
[28:20] Yeah, yeah,
[28:21] yeah. So how does the soma. How does your relationship with Somatic work tie into all of the stuff.
[28:30] Amanda Melbostad: Stuff about creativity? Yes. Well, basically, whatever we’re working with, whatever is been harmed, look, whatever wound we’re carrying. Little T, Big T, Chronic T as in C. Ptsd.
[28:49] Cate Blouke: Right.
[28:50] Amanda Melbostad: Whatever it is,
[28:52] it is something that did not get expressed.
[28:56] Something happened. Your nervous system wanted to have a certain reaction, and it didn’t get to go through the full process.
[29:03] It got cut off.
[29:04] And so that process, that. That thing is still living in you.
[29:09] And these things are stored then in our bodies. Right. And we we build stories. We go through life, and they’re here.
[29:20] And because we are raised in this society that has us so disconnected mind from body, you know, that we prioritize intellectualizing everything and we deprioritize the body.
[29:35] And so the way to heal these things is to learn to, as I like to say, befriend your nervous system so that you can feel at home in this body,
[29:47] and then you can start to be able to express whatever didn’t get expressed. Whether it was the grief, whether it was the joy, whether it was the power of choice that was taken away from you.
[30:03] Those things live below,
[30:07] deep below cognition, deep below this level of intellect, intellectualization.
[30:16] Like, it lives in the spirit and the soul of our bodies,
[30:21] and it doesn’t know the language of the head of the mind.
[30:27] And so there are ways that we can access these parts of ourselves through the body,
[30:37] through gesture. Right. If someone is explaining,
[30:43] this is coming more from, like, an expressive arts background, which is like, very. In that somatic range, which is like that. I love that juicy space.
[30:53] You can play around with gesture and. And simple movement is like, if we.
[30:59] If we find that there’s this, like, little piece of anger in you that never got to be expressed, and, you know, it was like a younger part of you, and like, maybe we just.
[31:10] Well, what would it feel like to just, like,
[31:13] what does the anger want to do?
[31:15] Like, what is the action the body wants to take? And it’s like, oh, I just want to, like, grr. Like squeeze my fists and like,
[31:22] scrunch my face. Then we just do that. We do it over and over again. You know, you keep doing it, and eventually something shifts.
[31:31] And that, like, it’s. I’m. I’m really simplifying it here.
[31:35] Cate Blouke: Yeah. But I mean,
[31:37] I have experience with that, both in, you know, to some degree in my coach training,
[31:42] and then also in some of the work that I’ve done.
[31:45] And I love that idea of alternate. Like, something you said just reminded me that. That when our nervous system is activated, so when we’re kind of like touching into whether they’re big T traumas, little T traumas, just like the.
[32:03] Amanda Melbostad: The.
[32:03] Cate Blouke: The things that got stuck in us,
[32:06] it disrupts our access to the. Our prefrontal cortex and the part of our brain that has the language and the thoughts and the. Whatever.
[32:13] Amanda Melbostad: You flipped your lid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[32:16] Cate Blouke: Like, it just. I don’t have it. And that explains why,
[32:21] for me, anyway, like, talk therapy, just sort of like purely talking about it from this, like, cognitive, analytical thinking. It through talking about my feelings instead of feeling my feelings place.
[32:32] Like, it helped me notice my thinking,
[32:36] but didn’t help me like, really get unstuck until I moved into some of these different modalities.
[32:43] And, and so, like, listening to you,
[32:45] like, I definitely have had the experience of like, being encouraged to stand up and move around or like you were just doing, of like making the gesture of the anger.
[32:59] And it’s so foreign in a way of like how most of us kind of go through our day to day interacting right from this, like,
[33:12] thinky place.
[33:14] And it’s been really powerful for me. And I’ve had a number of guests kind of talk about this on the podcast. And I just believe in the power of repetition that, like, the more we hear these things, the more they they sink in,
[33:25] is that, like, we have to get into our bodies.
[33:30] And I love the, the idea that kind of you brought to my attention when before we hopped on this recording of this idea that like,
[33:37] creativity is a bodily act.
[33:40] Amanda Melbostad: Yep.
[33:40] Cate Blouke: Because, like, my brain hadn’t put those two things together in a way that’s like, kind of cute. My brain’s funny.
[33:46] Amanda Melbostad: Right.
[33:47] Cate Blouke: But that, that creating art, whatever we mean by that, is a bodily experience. And I wonder, like, what, what do you wish people knew about that?
[34:01] Amanda Melbostad: No, I wish people knew about that.
[34:05] That it’s safer than they think it is and it’s simpler than they think it is.
[34:11] I think a lot of people don’t feel safe in their bodies.
[34:17] Right. And yeah, was just talking, you know, to some wonderful humans recently about how our bodies will physiologically, biologically give us signals. We’ll have signals and sensations. Right.
[34:36] Increased heart rate, sweaty palms, like, ugh.
[34:40] And if we have been traumatized and when that response happens, if that is triggering Right. In that way,
[34:49] what’s happening is the nervous system is just like, responding to threat. And it’s like, oh, that thing that happened before is happening right now.
[34:57] It does not know time.
[34:59] Right. It just knows threat response.
[35:03] And because we live,
[35:04] unfortunately, heartbreakingly, we live in a world where people’s bodies are threatened and violated much, much too often.
[35:17] Yeah,
[35:18] we don’t feel safe in our bodies because it’s.
[35:22] It’s very easy to feel powerless in a body that isn’t within a certain box.
[35:30] And at the same time,
[35:33] we can learn to befriend our nervous system to learn what those biological and physiological signals and sensations are and tell ourselves, like, oh,
[35:46] wait, this,
[35:48] this is not happening. Right. Like, right now,
[35:51] I am safe. I am safe to feel these things.
[35:55] And also we don’t. We don’t go in fast and deep, like, and, like, just drop into it and get all the way down in there and do all the things.
[36:05] We titrate. Right. We dip a toe in. Oh. Oh, I could.
[36:10] Okay, I see that. This is here. This is here.
[36:13] Can I be with this for one breath? Just one breath. Let that be enough. I did it for one breath.
[36:18] I stayed with the sensations. Right.
[36:21] And then, you know, it’s the. It’s the practice of forgetting and remembering. Right. And dipping in and dipping out. Right. And then being compassionate,
[36:31] you know, having that. That lens of love and compassion when we feel like we should be doing it a certain way or we’re not doing it good enough.
[36:41] Yeah. So I think my wish for people is that they knew that it was safer than they think to feel their feelings,
[36:53] that despite the thoughts and the. That that our nervous system kind of trigger right. Of this, like. Oh, my gosh. Like.
[37:04] Like, certainly with grief. Right? That’s one of those. Oh, it’s. Grief is overwhelming,
[37:09] and it feels like a bottomless pit that you’re never gonna get out of. You’ll just feel sad forever. You’ll never be able to do another thing in your life.
[37:18] And so I’m just gonna stay the fuck away from that black.
[37:23] And I’ll be over in my sympathetic nervous system filled with anxiety so that it at least keeps me busy and productive.
[37:31] And that is very rewarding in our capitalist society.
[37:35] So it feels like it’s working.
[37:37] Is it like.
[37:37] Cate Blouke: Oh, my. I think it’s. Oh, my God. So relatable.
[37:42] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[37:44] Cate Blouke: Yeah. Cause even before you actually named grief, like, that’s exactly what I was thinking, is that there. There’s certainly. I have the experience of.
[37:52] I have a lot of access to my feelings. I cry pretty easily, and, like, that’s fine, but, like, really going in there,
[37:58] there’s this fear and anxiety that I’m just gonna, like, get stuck in this morass of kind of grief and despair and. And not be able to get my. Get myself back out.
[38:10] And it really has taken a lot of training, my system,
[38:14] to be able to trust that. Like,
[38:16] no,
[38:17] it’s. That’s not. It’s not actually gonna keep me stuck there.
[38:21] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. Everything changes, right? That.
[38:24] That impermanence.
[38:26] Nothing is permanent.
[38:28] However, we are very much kind of trained to think that lots of things are permanent. And I feel like it is a. Another protective mechanism, right? To be like,
[38:39] oh, I can’t go there.
[38:41] It’s like, I’m gonna fall too far. I’m not gonna get back out and, like,
[38:45] oh,
[38:46] so we’re not gonna go there.
[38:48] Cate Blouke: Yeah. So how can creativity help with that? How can help us feel our feelings?
[38:56] Amanda Melbostad: When you do finally sit with the sadness,
[39:00] when you do finally cry, you let it out,
[39:03] something does shift and something does change, and it actually doesn’t stay that way forever.
[39:09] And so how creativity, I think, comes into play here is that simply moving paint stick or a marker or a crayon on a piece of paper is movement. It is energy in motion.
[39:29] Right.
[39:29] It allows us to sometimes enter the body,
[39:36] enter the psyche a little bit, maybe from a side door,
[39:40] for example.
[39:42] One of my favorite things to do with people is bilateral drawing.
[39:46] Cate Blouke: Ooh.
[39:46] Amanda Melbostad: So this is very closely related to emdr.
[39:50] Yeah, because it’s. You’re using the body bilaterally, doing the same motion.
[39:56] Right. And your eyes are usually, like, watching what’s happening. You’re.
[40:01] You’re breathing, and you’re just, like, making these movements on the page.
[40:06] Both hands moving at the same time. So you’re aligning the right and left hemispheres of the brain. You’re kind of, like,
[40:14] reconnecting,
[40:16] kind of, like taking that side door, so to speak. And it can be a really helpful way to process difficult feelings.
[40:24] I am a much more expressive artist than I am a realistic artist. Like, I don’t really enjoy drawing things that are realistic.
[40:34] I just enjoy putting color on things,
[40:39] however that happens.
[40:40] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[40:41] Amanda Melbostad: I was obsessed with it with fibers and dyeing fabric, watercolor on paper,
[40:47] acrylic paint on a canvas. It’s just like, my.
[40:52] My joy.
[40:55] It’s my joy.
[40:57] It’s just putting color and especially to be able to. I also enjoy the balance or, like, having this balance between not having control.
[41:07] Right. So I.
[41:08] Very fluid media that I can kind of, like,
[41:11] play with. Right. And, like, watch it react and then be like, ooh, I like that. Or, like, I want to, like,
[41:17] push it this way or that way and kind of, like,
[41:20] guide it versus, like, having full control over it. And as I’m saying this, I’m like, oh, my gosh. This is why I love being a therapist.
[41:28] I like guiding. I like working with what’s there,
[41:33] and then, like,
[41:34] you know, tilting us a little this way or a little that way and seeing what comes of it and then recognizing that. That’s beautiful.
[41:43] Yeah. Yeah.
[41:44] Cate Blouke: And listening to you talk about that, I’m like, oh, my God. I need to play with that more, because I do keep even in this conversation. Like, I want to draw the thing that I see.
[41:51] Like, I want to make the Thing, and I want it to look like the thing. And, like, then I get crazy because it doesn’t look like the thing because I don’t have that much hand eye coordination.
[41:59] So, like, what if I just, like, put some color on paper and wasn’t trying to make it look like something?
[42:08] See what emerges from that. That actually, like, that sounds fun to me,
[42:13] having just listened to you talk about it.
[42:15] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[42:16] Cate Blouke: In a way that’s exciting.
[42:17] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[42:18] Cate Blouke: Right. And I feel like can. Can supersede the inner critic.
[42:23] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. Yeah.
[42:24] Cate Blouke: Right?
[42:26] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. So, yeah, it’s just creativity is also.
[42:30] And, like, image making of any kind. Right. Like,
[42:34] whether I’m just applying color to a page or whether I’m collaging weird shapes onto it. Right.
[42:41] Any form of. Of image making is telling some sort of story. Right. And we can use metaphor to deepen insights or just help us externalize what you were just saying about,
[42:58] you know, like, you want to draw the thing, and then you can’t draw the thing, so you’re frustrated. You’re like, that’s a story.
[43:04] Right.
[43:06] And how powerful would it be to actually work with that story creatively?
[43:13] What would it be like to write a love letter to your inner critic?
[43:18] Ooh,
[43:19] right.
[43:20] Cate Blouke: What do you mean? Tell me more.
[43:21] Amanda Melbostad: Oh, I mean, write a love letter to your inner critic that is just showering it with love and appreciation for how it’s protected you,
[43:34] for all that it, like, is trying to do for you. Like, recog. Validating that it’s scared.
[43:42] Validating that it’s.
[43:44] It doesn’t want to be hurt, that it’s trying to protect you.
[43:48] Yeah. Like, just shower that inner critic with a lot of love and care.
[43:56] And that is creative.
[43:59] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[44:00] Amanda Melbostad: Right. To externalize those. And when I say write, I don’t mean on the computer. I mean hand write with a pencil or a pen on a piece of paper.
[44:09] I mean, it could be on a napkin. It doesn’t matter.
[44:12] But I do mean analog with hand.
[44:15] Right.
[44:17] Using a utensil of any kind.
[44:19] It could be with a crayon.
[44:20] Oh,
[44:22] yeah. Like, that is creative.
[44:25] That is you using your creativity. Right. To tap into something that wants to be changed. A pattern,
[44:36] a story that wants to be shifted. That needs to be shifted.
[44:41] Yeah.
[44:42] Cate Blouke: I mean, I’ll take on that challenge.
[44:44] Amanda Melbostad: I like that.
[44:44] Cate Blouke: You know, I like that idea a lot.
[44:46] Amanda Melbostad: It’s one of my favorite assignments.
[44:48] Cate Blouke: Oh, my God. No, it’s so funny. I mean, this is my little, like, type A.
[44:53] I asked, like, two weeks. A couple weeks ago, I asked my therapist for an Assignment. And she was like, I don’t have one for you. Like,
[44:58] maybe. Maybe you don’t need to do anything. And I was like, no, I want to do something I’ve told.
[45:06] Amanda Melbostad: I’ve told therapists before is like, I really want, like.
[45:11] Like, I want homework. Like, I keep hearing my friends that, like, are getting homework from their therapists. Like, I want homework,
[45:17] you know? Like, one of my therapists was like, yeah, I don’t work like that. And I was like,
[45:24] give me something to do. I need to feel progress.
[45:27] Cate Blouke: I need to feel productive.
[45:29] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, yeah.
[45:30] Cate Blouke: I want to channel and well, and. And I think part of what I’m taking away from today’s conversation is that I have infinite opportunity to take whatever the fuck I talk about in therapy and do something creative with it.
[45:46] Amanda Melbostad: Exactly.
[45:46] Cate Blouke: Like, I don’t need a therapist to give me a specific assignment to be able to go and maybe throw some. Like, what color was my therapy session today?
[45:58] Amanda Melbostad: Like, so simple. Yeah, right?
[46:01] Cate Blouke: Like, what if I just, like, put some crayons or watercolors or markers to a piece of paper and, like,
[46:09] didn’t have to, like, make identifiable meaning out of it?
[46:15] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, yeah. It could literally just be the practice of marking on a piece of paper.
[46:24] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[46:25] Amanda Melbostad: With color, with mark, with, like, charcoal, whatever.
[46:29] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[46:30] Amanda Melbostad: Any.
[46:31] That’s. Yeah, it’s like. I think that’s the other thing that people forget is that it can be so,
[46:36] so simple to practice creativity. It can be very simple and straightforward,
[46:44] and I have done those very things to tap into my own creativity, to change those stories and those voices in my head that were trying to convince me that I’m not an artist, that were trying to convince me that I’m not creative, that I can’t draw, that I, you know,
[47:02] am unsuccessful at this or that.
[47:05] And I really have done some of the really most simple things, and it was just like,
[47:13] I love watercolors, but I’m in quotations. Not good at it.
[47:20] But you know what? I’m just. I don’t really have any other means right now, but I have some watercolors, and I have paper.
[47:26] Cate Blouke: I’m.
[47:27] Amanda Melbostad: I spent time. I would just use the brush and just, like, dots on the page. Just. Yeah, watercolor dots. And then it was like, when I felt like the page was done enough, all right.
[47:39] Then the next day came back, added more watercolor dots to the page, and then eventually, sometimes, like,
[47:46] the dots started, like, forming their own shapes, and I was like, ooh, that’s kind of cool.
[47:52] And it just progressed. But it started as something so simple. So simple.
[47:57] Yeah.
[47:58] Cate Blouke: This has been so interesting to notice. My own thinking and approach to creativity in general and the way in which, like, I tend to want instructions. Like, I want structure and framework.
[48:16] Amanda Melbostad: Right.
[48:17] Cate Blouke: I am a knitter,
[48:18] and I like following a pattern. I have been a baker for a really long time. I like following instruction.
[48:26] And I think there’s going to be something really juicy and liberating for me and hopefully anybody else who’s listening, who can relate.
[48:33] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[48:33] Cate Blouke: To this idea of, like, what if I just, like,
[48:36] put some shapes and some dots and some. And I wasn’t trying to make meaning or trying to make a product or a outcome or a theme thing.
[48:48] Amanda Melbostad: Not trying to fake anything. Yeah.
[48:51] Cate Blouke: But just, like, genuinely, like, being present with whatever my hand wants to do and whatever color is appealing in that moment and, like,
[49:00] seeing what emerges. Right. There’s very much a, like, trusting of intuition and being present and, like,
[49:08] saying, fuck you, capitalism. I don’t have to make something pretty.
[49:12] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, that.
[49:13] Cate Blouke: Yeah, that’s juicy to me. And. And I’m excited about.
[49:16] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[49:18] Cate Blouke: And so thank you for that.
[49:19] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. And there’s some really amazing artists out there, like, on YouTube and social media who, like, do these really great quick videos of, like, oh, want to do something in your.
[49:32] In watercolor? Like, here,
[49:34] apply three pieces of tape. And then you’re going to take your brush and, like, very. And it’s like two minutes. Two minutes. And they’ve like,
[49:43] you’ve made a little page.
[49:44] Yeah. Like, good job. You know. Yeah, we’re done making art for the day. You know, it’s. It’s just. Yeah,
[49:50] there’s a lot of those resources out there.
[49:52] Cate Blouke: I haven’t let myself go down that, like, rabbit hole too far because I’ll never get away from my phone. But I, like, recently I saw one and sorry, everybody, I can’t point you to it because who knows where it is in the Internet now.
[50:04] But, you know, somebody did one of those quick little videos that’s like, yeah, like, just, like, make some splotches with watercolor, let it dry, and then make them all birds.
[50:13] Amanda Melbostad: Yep.
[50:14] Cate Blouke: It’s like, put a little pen mark, make, like, turn it into a bird. And I was like, that sounds delightful. And I still haven’t done it. But, yeah, like, it’s just.
[50:21] It made me so happy.
[50:24] And, like,
[50:25] I think that there’s a lot of freedom from the inner critic available when, at least for me, like, I’m. I’m not trying to do anything in particular,
[50:37] but,
[50:38] like, even just saying that, I could feel My body be like, oh, but what?
[50:42] Amanda Melbostad: Like you can’t. You gotta.
[50:44] Cate Blouke: It’s wasting stuff and it’s time and oh, no.
[50:50] Which is so funny.
[50:53] It’s so funny and cute, you know, and. And not uncommon. I’m certain I’m not alone in that.
[50:59] Amanda Melbostad: And the great thing too is like working on your it inner critic when it comes to your creativity. Like,
[51:06] it’s not like you’re only working on your. On your inner critic for that thing. Right. This inner critic shows up in all these other places. Right.
[51:15] It really can be such a good practice in like using loving self compassion and just a. A really nice way to be able to practice that.
[51:30] Cate Blouke: Hmm. Where if someone’s like, ah, I don’t feel very creative even after listening to this. Like, I don’t know, like, where would you tell people to start?
[51:40] Amanda Melbostad: Start small and just experiment.
[51:44] Everything is an experimentation. If you treat it as an experimentation,
[51:48] like, there’s no expectation that it needs to be anything. It doesn’t need to go anywhere or lead to anything.
[51:56] And it can literally be anything. It doesn’t have to be two dimensional drawing or painting. Like, it could be movement, it could be dance, it could be ecstatic dance. It could be a jazz class, it could be hip hop, it could be exercise.
[52:14] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[52:14] Amanda Melbostad: Be like a group fitness class. It could be singing music.
[52:22] Just like listening to music and moving alone in your house.
[52:26] Like,
[52:27] it can be so many different. And of course, it could be writing. It could be breaking out some charcoals and moving them across the page.
[52:36] It could be building adorable little mandalas in the forest out of leaves and sticks and flowers, like literally anything.
[52:48] And just experiment with what feels good in your body.
[52:54] And the question you always want to follow that with is, how do I know this feels good? What tells me that this feels good right now?
[53:04] Cate Blouke: Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself that question.
[53:07] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah, it’s a really. That’s a soma question. That’s a very somatic therapy body.
[53:15] Cate Blouke: Yeah. Like, how do I know this feels good in my body?
[53:19] Amanda Melbostad: What are the signals and sensations that you’re getting?
[53:23] Yeah. And then that can, you know, if you’re treating it as an experiment, you’re like, well, I think I want to draw. And then you try that and you’re like,
[53:31] nothing is feeling good.
[53:33] And like, I’m not enjoying this.
[53:35] Drop it.
[53:36] Cate Blouke: Yeah, I had to do that.
[53:38] Amanda Melbostad: Force yourself, like, use to like, pick something else. Yeah, yeah, set it down.
[53:45] Cate Blouke: Yeah, set it down. At least temporarily. I was, I was like really jazzed about Learning to draw. And I was like, okay, I found these pictures of cute animals. I’m like, all right, I’m gonna practice with this.
[53:54] And I got a couple of them and I was feeling pretty good. And then there was this like fox that I was trying to draw and I just couldn’t get it and I was getting so frustrated and I was.
[54:03] Amanda Melbostad: Like, okay, we need to just like.
[54:04] Cate Blouke: Walk away from this.
[54:06] Amanda Melbostad: No,
[54:07] I also am curious to know just specifically about, you know, like since you’re talking about drawing here,
[54:14] which could be helpful for other people.
[54:16] Yeah. Which is another thing that I feel like doesn’t get talked about is that there are warmup drawing exercises. So just like when you go to exercise and work out, like no physical therapist,
[54:27] no fitness trainer is ever going to be like, yeah, all right,
[54:31] get on that, get on that bench press and like we’re going to put 150 on there and you’re going to give me like,
[54:38] you know, three of your best sets of 10 right now. That’s not how that works. No, we spend a, well as those of us that are older maybe spend a little longer, but 20 to 30 minutes warming our muscles up,
[54:53] getting our bodies prepared to do the big stuff.
[54:57] Drawing especially is exactly the same.
[55:01] You gotta warm yourself up. This is, and this is a part of working with your inner critic. Right. You gotta do the warm up exercises and you gotta to do the blind contours.
[55:11] Look at it and laugh and be like, that was so silly. Of course I didn’t draw that well. I wasn’t even looking at it and I had no idea what my hand was doing or where on the page and hahaha, that’s so cute.
[55:22] And then you do, you know, five of those and then you do these other drawing exercises.
[55:28] Personally, I really love the book. It’s called Drawing lab.
[55:32] It’s like 50 different drawing exercises.
[55:36] And one of my favorites is like draw an eye on the page.
[55:39] Turn the page 90 degrees. Draw an ear.
[55:43] Cate Blouke: Okay.
[55:43] Amanda Melbostad: And then turn the page another 90 degrees. Draw a tail. Okay.
[55:48] Turn the page another 90 degrees and draw a paw. And then now connect them and you’re like,
[55:54] okay. And you’re, it’s play, it’s just play.
[55:59] And that’s the, that’s the thing you have to kind of like tap into in order to be able to like that’s the warm up for creativity is like, how can I bring that play online?
[56:12] Cate Blouke: Oh my God, you just blew my mind a little bit. As someone who’s like, I mean like, you know, as, as someone who’s into fitness? Right. That analogy. I’m like, yeah, exactly.
[56:21] But it never occurred to me not to just sit down and try to.
[56:25] Amanda Melbostad: Draw the thing that your inner critic’s going to come on. It doesn’t look like. Yeah,
[56:30] you gotta. Yeah, you gotta take the inner critic along on the warmup and be like, you’re doing great. Look at us. We’re doing. Look at how silly that is. We made that silly thing.
[56:40] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[56:41] I love that. Playing my way into creativity. You know that there’s a lot of ways to. To just. Even that mindset shift of, like,
[56:52] how am I warming myself up for this? Am I skipping the warmup?
[56:56] Amanda Melbostad: Yes. Yes.
[56:58] Cate Blouke: Like, asking that myself. That question is going to be so helpful.
[57:02] Like, I can feel it in my system. I’m like, ooh,
[57:06] all right. You know, I don’t need classes necessarily to do this for me, but, like, how can I do that for myself?
[57:13] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[57:14] Cate Blouke: Especially when it’s something that, like, I’m trying to do that I don’t feel good at, that I want to be better at, and that I. That I don’t want to let the inner critic get in the way of,
[57:23] like, how can I. How can I play my way into this?
[57:26] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[57:27] Cate Blouke: I think is a really fun invitation.
[57:30] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[57:30] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[57:31] Amanda Melbostad: And intention is so important.
[57:35] Right.
[57:36] So I think that when your intention shifts into that, like, yeah, how can I play my way into this?
[57:46] Then the intention isn’t about what it is that you’re making.
[57:51] Right. You’ve removed the productivity factor, the outcome, and it’s like, yeah, how can I just play? How can I just, like,
[58:01] let the creative expression flow through me unobstructed?
[58:07] Let’s see what happens.
[58:09] It’s not exactly,
[58:11] like, you know, promoted for adults to play. That’s something.
[58:15] Cate Blouke: No.
[58:15] Amanda Melbostad: Oh, kids get to do that. I mean, these days if they’re lucky, I guess.
[58:19] Right.
[58:21] And then certainly as adults, it’s like, play,
[58:24] grow up. You know? And you’re like, no, actually,
[58:27] I’m good.
[58:28] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[58:29] Amanda Melbostad: Like. Like, embrace my state of play because it’s. Yeah. What makes my life worth living. Yeah.
[58:37] Cate Blouke: Like, I just got excited about crayons.
[58:40] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah. You know,
[58:41] and that’s like, play and joy.
[58:43] So connected. Oh, 100% so connected. Ooh,
[58:47] speaking of,
[58:49] I have.
[58:51] So my spouse has a. Has had a subscription to National Geographic for, like, ever. So we have, like, tons of them. And basically, if I’m ever doing any kind of, like, mood board, vision board, like, I’m using National Geographics because they’re plentiful in our house.
[59:08] And so for.
[59:09] I’m really big on making, like, vision boards and stuff for. Especially when.
[59:14] For, like, big things in my life. And so for. When it came time in school to do my internship and was, like,
[59:22] setting my sights on this. This place,
[59:25] I made a vision board of what I wanted my internship to be.
[59:29] And at the time, I was dealing with a lot of grief, so I was like, well, I’m gonna be working with grief. And it’s like, I’m feeling very called to, like,
[59:37] work with grief as well.
[59:39] And one of the things that I had on this board, like, very much, like,
[59:44] next to the grief,
[59:46] was play.
[59:47] And it was. There was some kind of, like, statistical quote underneath it that, like. Cause it was clipped from National Geographic, like some very high amount of adults, like, don’t get nearly enough play and how detrimental it is to our health and just, like, how critical it is for us to continue to be able to tap into that sense of play.
[01:00:14] And creativity helps us do that.
[01:00:17] Yeah, it is. It is a doorway into that. Right. Like,
[01:00:22] creativity and play. Are sisters synonymous? Are they’re.
[01:00:26] Cate Blouke: Yeah, I mean, they’re.
[01:00:27] Amanda Melbostad: They’re.
[01:00:28] Cate Blouke: They’re flavors of the same thing. They’re different, you know, but. But they really are quite similar.
[01:00:34] Amanda Melbostad: And they both create joy.
[01:00:37] Cate Blouke: They do both create joy.
[01:00:39] Amanda Melbostad: Yeah.
[01:00:40] Cate Blouke: It’s true. It’s true. Well, that seems like a good kind of segue into. One of my favorite questions is, Amanda, what brings you joy?
[01:00:52] Amanda Melbostad: So many things. I think I am someone who is lucky enough that I have been working on my creative practice for long enough.
[01:01:03] I am also someone who is lucky enough to have been able to hold on to some sense of play and silliness my entire life.
[01:01:13] I’m also a Leo, so there’s a part of me that, like,
[01:01:16] fuck what other people think. And I’m like, nah, I’m good.
[01:01:21] Community brings me joy.
[01:01:23] Having,
[01:01:24] like,
[01:01:25] deep,
[01:01:26] soulful conversations with other human beings brings me joy.
[01:01:31] Being a therapist,
[01:01:32] because I can do that former one, you know,
[01:01:36] with people as a job,
[01:01:39] brings me joy.
[01:01:41] Color.
[01:01:42] Color,
[01:01:44] thousand percent brings me joy. I am absolutely somebody who is.
[01:01:50] People tend to say that I am a very bright and colorful person.
[01:01:54] There is no black in my wardrobe.
[01:01:59] Uh, there’s not really a lot of neutrals, to be honest.
[01:02:02] Cate Blouke: Yeah.
[01:02:02] Amanda Melbostad: Um, yeah, color brings me a lot of joy.
[01:02:06] And relationships. People feeling a strong connection to nature.
[01:02:13] The other than human world brings me a lot of joy as well as peace and. Yeah. Having fun conversations like this,
[01:02:24] bringing joy.
[01:02:26] Yeah.
[01:02:27] Cate Blouke: Cool. Well, where can people find you?
[01:02:30] Amanda Melbostad: Yes,
[01:02:31] people can find me through my website. It is Amanda Melbastad. Therapy.com kept it real simple.
[01:02:40] Yeah. And my.
[01:02:44] My private practice right now is creative embodied psychotherapy.
[01:02:49] And you can reach out to me via my website.
[01:02:54] I’m in a no social media phase, so.
[01:02:59] Cate Blouke: Good for you.
[01:03:00] Amanda Melbostad: Not active on that. That’s. Well, I guess I’m technically on LinkedIn. You could also find me on LinkedIn.
[01:03:05] Cate Blouke: Yeah, I don’t count LinkedIn as social media. That’s the, like, jobby job place.
[01:03:10] Amanda Melbostad: I mean, it is, though.
[01:03:13] Cate Blouke: Awesome. Well, Amanda, thanks so much. I feel very creatively inspired and excited to go play with some crayons.
[01:03:21] Amanda Melbostad: Oh, well, that brings me joy to hear that.
[01:03:30] Cate Blouke: Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please help me grow the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with anyone you think would benefit from hearing it too.
[01:03:40] Your support means the world to me.
[01:03:42] If you’d like to get updates about new episodes, posts and offerings,
[01:03:46] please visit settlingisbullshit.com to subscribe to my newsletter.
[01:03:50] You can also find information there about working with me one on one to build your most amazing life.
[01:03:55] Until next time, remember that I believe in you and that you are awesome.
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