Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world is hard. It just is. But we don’t have to lose ourselves in shame and self-loathing when we can’t contort ourselves into the shapes society wants for us.
In this conversation with TT Hernandez, artist and trauma-informed coach for creative minds, we share about our journeys as late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers and how we found our way out of shame and burnout and into self-compassion and self-care.
A huge part of that process was un-shaming the ways that our quirky and magical ADHD brains operate and learning to embrace the inevitable life pivots that the universe throws at us… ideally learning to listen to the gentle nudges before getting hit upside the head with a two-by-four (or an actual softball, as was the case for TT!)
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Find the episode wherever you listen to podcasts!
Connect with TT
Visit her website: tthernandez.com
Follow her on Instagram: @the.tthernandez & @hall_lore_ween
Order the books!
- Hall-lore-ween (Book 1)
- It’s Hall-lore-ween again! (Book 2)
Resources, References, and Links
DSM–5. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – basically THE book for diagnosing mental disorders. They are now on the DSM-5-TR (text revision) in which they’ve updated the diagnostic criteria for ADHD.
DSM-5 Criteria for ADHD – when they separated things out into inattentive and hyperactive.
Hyperfocus. “an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time.”
Episode #48: Honoring Our Limitations.
Duolingo. And exceptionally great tool for learning any language you want!
Seven Grams. The short film TT illustrated.
Rejection sensitivity. An aspect of ADHD in which we are acutely attuned to potential (and real) rejection.
Body doubling. A simple but incredibly effective tool for ADHDers in which you simply have someone present with you while you work on difficult tasks.
How to ADHD. My favorite YouTube channel for understanding and coping with ADHD.
PMDD. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder – a more severe form of PMS and something ADHDers with uteruses are especially prone to.
Transcript
Note: this transcript was generated by AI. Please forgive any malapropisms and misspellings. It’s the robot’s fault!
TT Hernandez (00:00.17)
understanding that something is going to pivot. I’ve asked for guidance. I don’t know what that looks like, but I’m going to show up today and I’m going to follow my yellow brick road. So that meaning like I’m going to follow that flower shops. That looks pretty in there. I want to go smell something, you know, like I want to go do this or taste that food and call that friend. So more of starting to set the intention out that I am open to be supported in this trust fall.
And with that, starting to see what happens when we allow our life to be back in the fun of the game, back in the mystery, rather than, you know, as we’re popping out of something that we’ve contorted ourselves to be fitting, and it’s not anymore, let’s take a little bit of time to be back in the playfulness of this magical life.
Cate Blouke (00:53.07)
Welcome to Settling is Bullshit, a sweary podcast about claiming your joy. If you are craving healthier boundaries, a greater sense of purpose, or an increased capacity to feel at ease in your own skin, then you are in the right place, my friend. I’m your host Cate Blouke, joy activist and life coach to smart and sensitive humans.
I’m here to offer you practical tools and playful encouragement to step forward and be your most awesome self. My hope is that each episode will leave you feeling a bit more empowered to make brave choices and claim your joy.
[transition]
Hello, my friends. Oh my gosh. What a delight to finally be back in action bringing you an interview episode. It has been so long. And what’s wonderful about this particular episode that I am sharing with you now is that we recorded it way back in August of 2025 before I started school again and
It’s all about living with ADHD and how sometimes we put things down and sometimes we pivot and sometimes it takes a while to pick things back up again. Our guest today is TT Hernandez, a trauma-informed coach for creative minds, supporting neurodivergent folks through body doubling, coaching, and community. TT is also the illustrator of the spooky Hall-lore-ween series and the creative force behind Seven Grams, an award-winning stop-motion documentary on the cost of human labor in Congo’s mineral mines. TT is a really talented artist and also just a lovely human who is a delight to get to talk to and to be in the presence of. I highly recommend her as a human. TT and I both are late in life diagnosed ADHD.
Cate Blouke (02:50.718)
And we’ll be talking about that in the episode. She had recently gotten her official diagnosis right before we recorded this. I got mine in 2022, so it’s been a few years. But the main gist of this episode is talking about what it’s like to live with ADHD, what it’s like to navigate the struggles, and how we can unshame the ways in which living with ADHD means we make pivots in our lives.
career pivots, life pivots, that’s a big tendency for ADHD folks. And we both are talking about our experiences with those moments in our life. TT introduced the idea of sort of the nudge pivot and the forced pivot. And I love that it really speaks to my own experience of sometimes life comes along and makes you make changes. And sometimes we are able to hear the more subtle, nuanced nudges that the universe is sending.
So it’s a really lovely conversation for anyone who lives with ADHD and even for those folks who might live with someone with ADHD and want to understand things a little bit better. And also just a nice opportunity to learn and think about self-compassion and self-care as a neurodivergent person in a neuro-typical world. So I hope you enjoy and feel a little less alone in whatever struggles you might be going through.
[transition music]
Cate Blouke (04:31.95)
We are now, because you recently got your diagnosis, we are now both officially diagnosed with ADHD, both of us coming to that diagnosis later in life. I got mine in 2022. I had suspicions for a long time, but like 2022 is when I finally got mine and I was, I guess, 39 at the time.
TT Hernandez (04:57.038)
Okay, well, I’m 36 and this is, you know, this is a couple weeks ago now, but I’m so curious for you, what were some of your suspicions?
Cate Blouke (05:07.182)
My inability to sit still was one of them. And as anyone who has listened to this podcast before is aware, and if you’re not, hello, I’m also in 12-step recovery, so I have a history of addiction and alcoholism. And for me, weed was actually my kind of primary coping mechanism because it just made the world not so stressful and it allowed me to like chill the fuck out and calm down.
And so it wasn’t until after graduate school when I got my first teaching job, I was having a conversation with the college’s counselor about one of my students. It was totally separate, but then we were just talking and we ended up like pulling out the DSM-5 and just like looking at the criteria and I was like, everything on the hyperactive decide. Maybe it was the DSM-4 at that point. Yeah, it would have been the DSM-4. So they had
ADHD inattentive or ADD inattentive and ADHD kind of separated. And I was like, the inattentive stuff I don’t really resonate with, but the hyper part. that’s, that’s me. And that would have been in like 2015. And then I kind of sat it down and was like, all right, so I’m ADHD. All right, whatever. But like didn’t really investigate the implications until
2022 when I was doing digital marketing at the time and had taken on a whole bunch of new responsibilities and was super stressed out, super overwhelmed, wasn’t sleeping, was losing my fucking mind because I couldn’t sleep, felt like drinking for the first time in a decade, felt moderately suicidal and was like, okay, something is wrong. I don’t know what, but like…
Before I just take the antidepressants that my primary care person wanted to throw at me, what if I like actually talk to a psychiatrist and like get a better sense of my brain? So that’s how I got my diagnosis.
TT Hernandez (07:18.126)
Okay, yeah, just this hyperactive part. Yeah, I’m put in situations where you’re realizing, like, I want to lean on every other coping mechanism possible. I think most of us at some point hit a limit that what can kind of be maybe goofed about or, you know, we can find some of our lovingness from the quirkiness and the connections that we have and the spontaneity and our big burst of energy in the middle of the night. Like, this is cute for a while, right? It’s fun. It’s cool.
Party tricks sometimes.
Cate Blouke (07:49.364)
Yeah, we- exactly, it’s cute until it isn’t.
TT Hernandez (07:52.928)
Yeah. And I think there’s, you I’m so curious, know, to just this experience where I know for me is a lot more of inattentive. So it went unrecognized for most of my life because, you know, they could see me. I could sit still. could paint for hours. could, you know, this is also prior to understanding what hyper focus looks like. All of these things. And also this idea that, hey, I got good grades. So she’s fine. Right. And I, and legal to realize that
when there was a homework assignment that was supposed to take one hour, take me three to five. But I had this desire to please and this desire to be noticed by my teachers. I love learning, but the ability to read a book, I don’t think I finished a full book really until I was later in college, maybe even out. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t read, it was that I wasn’t finding content that would grit me.
used to go above and beyond even in college where if I had a paper due, I couldn’t just write the paper. I had to go to a museum to research art around that time period. I had to watch a movie about something. I had to listen to music about it, maybe eat the food that was related, and then maybe I could start my paper. And, you know, again, it worked for a little while and I loved the big, you know, was a triple down, quadruple down about how do I get myself in the space to be
to give it my energy, to get me hot enough to go and do the actual thing. But when you start fuller life, you cannot add that many on to do a task.
Cate Blouke (09:27.758)
Yeah, like no totally my college similarly like I did really well in school like I Went all the way through the whole higher educational system like I had a PhD I was like I can’t have ADHD but the reality is like my entire Undergraduate career I would wait until the night before or the morning of like I would sometimes get up at like 5 a.m. To write the fucking paper to turn it in because I just
could not get myself to do it sooner. And then, you know, if I really need evidence, like I wrote my fucking dissertation in like three months, which is not what you’re supposed to do. But like I got a job and was like, shit, I gotta write this. And that was the only way it happened. And it was so awful. Like it was so stressful and depleting and like bad for me mentally, emotionally and physically, but I got it done.
TT Hernandez (10:24.11)
And I think, you know, for so long in our culture, as long as it’s done, you’re good. And so here’s the, you know, some of the trade-off that we experience is either put ourselves through hell and, you know, have insane burnout in order to get the thing done so we check the box or start to avoid…
this because we want to prioritize feeling better in our bodies or feeling better in our minds. But then what happens? We get into a shame loop. We get into those spirals about like, well, you can’t finish anything. You don’t do what you said you do. You know, these kinds of challenges that, yeah, that start to just really wear away at our self-confidence and our ability to feel capable.
Cate Blouke (11:07.374)
100%, right? Yeah, and for me, it also, like, I feel that more now, sort of post-diagnosis and, like, post-awareness than I think I did when I was just, in the coping strategies of, you know, kind of what I just described with undergrad and, I had figured out systems, like, to kind of make it work. And then I think what happened for me was in 2022 was, like, those systems just stopped.
working. Like, I had stacked things high enough that my strategies weren’t working, and that level of like, disorientation and pain was what sought, pushed me to like, seek out answers. And it was so validating to be like, this is what this means. Like, ADHD is why I have such a fucking hard time keeping my house clean, but I always feel
bad about that, even knowing that that’s.
TT Hernandez (12:10.402)
Yeah, it’s I think that’s the thing is that the awareness doesn’t you know, it does a bit to support us to hopefully bringing that grace and that space of understanding and even just a pause of like, okay, you’re about to go probably do a few things that are going to lead to something, you know, it’s like kind of bringing the awareness back. But it doesn’t the whole thing about the neurochemistry of that is it doesn’t change.
those thought patterns. It doesn’t change still that compulsiveness of wanting something that feels out of reach for yourself or feeling like a messy house or dishes piled up means something about you. And I got, you know, I started to suspect this in 2020 that this is what it might have been. And it was only like it started with I had my first few coaching clients back even 2016 or so they
all were diagnosed ADHD. And then the beginning they happened to be men coming to me for creative support and coaching, but they all were diagnosed. And little by little, they would not only call me their creative coach, but their ADHD coach. And I thought, oh, how sweet. I’m so glad that they feel seen and supported. And like hearing feedback again, I’m like, I’ve never felt this recognized in my process. And still it didn’t click with me about, maybe I had it. And that’s why you’re feeling a resonance.
So that was kind of the start of planting some seeds. then, yeah, during the pandemic when there was a big life shift that I started to go down that path and live with someone else who she was also starting to understand, like, I living life diagnosis? Like, you know, and pursuing that as well. And so it was really through my friendships that we started to compare notes. We started to realize some of the behaviors and habits that we all had and shared. And that
than social media. mean, you know, it can get a bad rap, but for these things, it was really starting to read myself on a page, especially the stuff I would have never considered to be connected to ADHD. That was like, I mean, when it came to songs looping.
TT Hernandez (14:18.254)
I have songs that being like radio channels in my head almost constantly. And I just figured that’s how everyone’s brain sounds, right? Or that you get an earworm and you just, and I would just listen to a song on repeat on repeat on repeat or rewatching my shows like because they bring a sense of comfort. And I always needed sound on in order to focus, but not the wrong sound and not too, so it just.
Cate Blouke (14:41.346)
Yes, 100%, right? All these people who can need silence to study, I’m like, my God, I will be so aware of every fucking sound ever if I don’t have, for me, the correct sound is instrumental. It can’t have lyrics. If it has lyrics, I will be completely distracted. But I pretty much always have music going in my house at some time, except when I’m…
recording a podcast.
TT Hernandez (15:12.882)
Yeah, well, and I feel like that was a grounding element. So these things that I didn’t know I was doing in order to create a sense of safety and focus and that I even, you know, clothing and textures being a really big issue. So if I was in the wrong thing, I could tell that my awareness kept shifting to my pants or the belt or the pokey thing. And then I wasn’t focused. And so I was starting to do a lot that I what I could to protect my focus.
but to the point where I became so irritable if someone popped it, right? You come in and ask me a question of like, so are we going grocery shopping today? I will murder you. Like you just ruined everything I built for you know, two. And it just, the way I described that sometimes is like feeling like this velcro rip of like.
Cate Blouke (16:04.127)
yeah.
TT Hernandez (16:05.198)
This is visceral to be pulled out once you’ve channeled everything to hook me into that writing, that artwork, because it took me hours to get there. And I don’t know if I’ll get it back. So I realized I was starting to operate under this high stress intensity about not knowing when the motivation will come. And if it comes and I didn’t strike and didn’t get everything handled within that one window, I never know if it’s coming again. And so what looked like very
You know, I’m all on, I’m all off, I’m all on, I’m all off. It was so hard to sustain this. And at this point, you know, it led to long periods of unemployment, of needing to be just taking back my energy. I think even feeling fearful to knowing that my ADHD wants to say yes to so much. And then my protective parts being like, when you say yes, you are a tyrant to us. You put us through hell.
You know, we lost you did not say yes, but my heart and soul going really ready to share so much of myself. So yeah, what did.
Cate Blouke (17:12.95)
Maybe, well maybe it’s partly like my wiring towards alcoholism and addiction. I don’t feel like I really have those protector parts. Like I just had for many years the all in, like, no, I’m just gonna say yes to all the things. And I was in these like periods, like these cycles of overcommitment, trying to do all the things. I’d hit a wall, have a fucking meltdown for a couple of days.
and then pick myself up and do it over again and do it over again and do it over again and do it over again. And it wasn’t until that period in 2022, which in hindsight, I think was my first major burnout that I was aware of. Like I think I powered through some like burnouts because I felt like I had to and didn’t really know what was going on. It wasn’t until that point where I was like, I can’t keep doing this.
I have to figure out how to stop this cycle of overcommitment. And it has taken years now to unlearn that behavior pattern, to really allow the parts of my system that are like, buddy, I can’t fucking handle this, calm down. You can’t say yes to everything. I feel like this year, so guess I’m like three years into a diagnosis, I’d say 2025 is the year that I’ve like.
really actually cultivated the capacity to listen to the part of myself that is like, don’t overdo it. But it’s hard, because I always want to overdo it.
TT Hernandez (18:50.482)
Girls, yeah, because you’ve got this vibrant, big heart at this, you know, excitement for education, for life, for community and communicating, right? You’ve got all of this for you. And it’s so I just know when I see you and we get to talk, we just jump right into that energy. But I really empathize too with this, capacity that doesn’t match our heart experience. And that one is, if you know, you know, and you know what it feels like to feel so
that internal turmoil and that internal conflict about I really, I believe in this thing, I wanna be a part of this thing, I know I can do it. And then you wake up and it’s not there. And you’re like, just, that side of feeling so unpredictable was just, that was grating on me. It was getting so challenging. But even talking about some of that, you know, that focus and that momentum, I realized a big step.
the ADHD journey, even pre-diagnosis, was starting to communicate. And we know this for everybody, but like when you start to do a little bit of self-inquiry and a little bit of like, you know, I understand that when I hear that sound long enough for that chewing, like I might get a little irritable. Like, you know, I might start to, you know, feel certain things. And when you start to get a sense of like, what is it in my body that starts to happen prior to either a meltdown, outburst, withdrawal, something.
And how do I start to communicate and advocate for those things? And that being like telling someone, hey, I’m about to put my headphones on. I’m going to go into my study focus. I will put a timer on. Do you need anything from me before I start? And I’ll come check in with you in an hour about, you know, and like set parameters, let other people actually have a chance to be successful around you. Because again, not everyone’s going to understand this part. So it does take a lot of
First of all, believing in yourself that you deserve to have limits. You deserve to have people who respect your boundaries and that this is something that get to advocate for.
Cate Blouke (20:57.614)
Yeah, I really love what you just said. Like you deserve to have limits. There’s just, there was something just like really yummy in that for me because I definitely, and I have a podcast episode about this from a few weeks ago about honoring our limits. And I was like trying to get myself into that space of, of not seeing limits as a bad thing or a constraint or
something to be ashamed of, because I know for me, the more actually aware I have become of my neurodivergence and my actual capacity and actual bandwidth, there’s been a lot of grief for me and sometimes shame around not being able to do all the things I want to do. But that idea of like,
deserving to have limits. There’s just something cozy about that. So thank you. Thank you for that.
TT Hernandez (21:57.258)
Yeah, I do feel this might be a portion of aging with it, you know, being in our later 30s and feeling like, okay, I’ve done it your way. I’ve done it your way to be the good girl, to be the yes girl, to be the person who has no limits, the person who will be available for everybody and anything when they need, because that’s a nice thing to do. And when you are realizing that you’ve built resentments,
that you can’t even show up for people in the times that really matter when we’re not actually able, when we say yes to all of that. So I do think that the simplification of life, which is sometimes the antithesis of what our ADHD wants, you we want to throw it in.
Cate Blouke (22:42.19)
Yeah, no, it wants all the things. It wants the like 18 ingredient recipe. wants the, yeah, like it does not. I was just talking to some friends about like five ingredient recipes and I was just, there was a part of me that was like, aw. I get how that wouldn’t be good idea, but like aw.
TT Hernandez (22:59.433)
I think it’s…
TT Hernandez (23:04.206)
I mean, there’s, think, the amount of insatiable appetite for that curiosity that that part, I never want to live another way. When I decide to investigate, you know, how to grow herbs at my house or how to do that certain, talking about recipes, or now I’m really interested in yoga and I instead, of course, you know, here’s no surprise, but I did yoga.
twice and then signed up for teacher training. Because I was like, know, wow, this next. Because I was like, if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right. OK, I want to learn.
Cate Blouke (23:46.574)
Uh-huh. Deeply, deeply relatable. I decided I needed to be able to run a 5K and then like signed up for a 5K and decided I was gonna run a marathon someday. Like this is just how my little ADHD brain works. Just going all in. And then to pivot, we’re gonna talk about pivots, but we also wanna talk about projects. Like, and then we go all in and then there’s a point, for me anyway, where like,
It just stops. Like I just don’t have it anymore. This happened to me this week, this very week, this happened to me with Duolingo. I was like 20 days shy of a thousand day streak and I just ran out of like all fucks to give.
TT Hernandez (24:35.406)
Also, congratulations. And like random shout out to Duolingo because it is the first thing I’ve ever done every day for 222 days, by the way. So I have to say it was a pattern builder. Yeah.
Cate Blouke (24:49.12)
It was great. I’ve been doing it since August of 2019. And then I just have hit my point of like, I don’t like, I’m done. maybe I won’t be done for forever, but like I needed to let go of the streak because I was just like, I’m only doing this for the streak at this point. And it’s annoying to me. And I think that has been one of the developments for me in recent years is this like ability to put things down without feeling quite so much shame about it.
TT Hernandez (25:18.728)
Ooh, talk more about that.
Cate Blouke (25:21.26)
Yeah, I mean, I asked someone with ADHD, right? There’s this like, stereotype and lived reality of like starting things and not finishing them. You know, and there have been a lot of times where that has felt really painful to me or been a source of like, why can’t I just? And I think
part of having the diagnosis and therefore cultivating more self-compassion around it has been, I think, an opening of my both like willingness and giving myself grace around like setting things down. And I’m definitely feeling that now as I’m entering into a career pivot,
I’m moving out of trying to be a full-time coach and into going back to school to become a therapist. And when things like that happen for me, there’s also like a lot of negative self-talk that comes up again around like, this is another career pivot. This is another thing. You put all this effort in and now you’re doing something else. And something I’m definitely working on personally, and that I can see a lot of growth around.
is embracing a lot more self-compassion and also just like a lot more celebration of like, you know, it’s actually kind of cool that I’ve had multiple careers. I get to do a lot of stuff in my life. Like it’s fine.
TT Hernandez (27:00.118)
Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. mean, it sounds like obviously the combination of thinking about some ways to reframe it to find where this has been, you know, skill building, resilience training, where it’s, you know, come up for you, but also really honoring the grief of that. You know, there was a part in the spark that when that spark lit, you were going to do this thing and you were going to do it to totality.
So there was a version of you out there that really believed this was the thing that you were called to do, that you’re gonna get up there and like, that’s your life now, right? And how many of those versions of us are somewhere, you know, like thinking that that was gonna be the thing that we really know that one was a fluke, that one was a test, this is the real one. And I still have, this is the real one a lot, you know.
Cate Blouke (27:46.638)
What is your experience? What has your experience of that been?
TT Hernandez (27:52.014)
Hmm. I mean, I mean, as of recently, too, so with these pivots, like, I realize some are forced and some are strong nudges. And so just even like us to to jump in there, you know, some forced pivots. I realized when my brother’s death in 2015 was a shock and I wasn’t prepared for what that grief would look like. And I wasn’t prepared for my world to be upended that way. And
I had to, like all the projects and the things that I thought were going one way and then to find that my lens of reality is completely shifted and I do not feel the same levels of responsibility towards simple things anymore. It was a really, you know, a time to go inward and to honor and reflect in that space, but that was, you know, a real forced pivot. It came out of nowhere for me.
You know, another one was the, got a concussion in 2020. I was at a yoga class. I was doing my best to be able to take care of myself. So I went to the doctors that morning. I ate a good sandwich. did a meditation walk following the dragonfly. I found the perfect spot in this park and I moved my mat four times until I was in the right spot. And I remember that time feeling that way. And we did this yoga class pandemic outside and all I hear is four.
And then a softball clocks me in my temple. I hear my clock. And so it ricocheted just off my temple. I am concussed and clearly just like startled and confused. But the interesting part was because of all of this, what would I say? Like kind of this beautiful feeding of purposefulness.
Cate Blouke (29:27.182)
NOOOO
TT Hernandez (29:51.15)
throughout that day, there was something that just instantly felt like I was in the perfect place, but what the fuck does this mean for me now? And it meant putting down my projects, not being able to read, to write for a while, to listen to music, TV, know, took marijuana off the table, had to do everything to just heal my brain. And what happened was when I was laying in the dark and realizing
that if I do truly believe that this happened for me, what is it that I wasn’t looking at in my life when I thought that I was, you know, really showing up and honoring things with yoga practice, with my arts, with community, then what was off, you know? And it really took me on an inward journey to start being honest about what wasn’t fitting anymore in my life and look at the scariest parts that if I admit this, then my life is over as I know it. And when I admitted that,
It meant marital separation. It meant I went and moved in with friends. And then I ended up not having a home to myself for years, living on couches, trying to recover and just find a way back to myself of like how things veer off so far from who I know me to be. And so this kind of pivot that took me to a different state, took me to a whole new reality is…
is one of these moments as well of like, you know, it takes away the things that you think you can rely on, including healthy coping. But when we know that you can overdo it in those ways and numb yourself out so much through your bliss states, through spirituality, through any way to avoid what’s truly going on. And I had to get that two by four moment to look at this and to get back on track.
Cate Blouke (31:42.146)
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And I love kind of the resilience and peace on the other side of it. Right. And it got me thinking about when I was 27 and got sober in grad school. I think that was not yet a forced pivot for me. But I was getting nudges.
I was getting this accumulation of evidence that this was not going down a good road and the universe was like, hey buddy, you should probably be doing something different. I’m so grateful that I at some point just had this moment of clarity that I was playing Russian roulette, that it was only a matter of time before I had the two by four up the head to have to make that change.
And yeah, like the big life pivots that I have experienced have like been really hard and also like incredibly healing and growing and rewarding. Like for me, it was leaving academia, it was leaving digital marketing and going all in on
sort of this podcast and a coaching business. Now it’s like, all right, I think the universe has been nudging me towards being a therapist for a very long time. And I have not been listening and now it’s time to listen.
TT Hernandez (33:27.598)
Yeah, and I’m so curious too. So yeah, we’re talking about nudges and I know we’re all going to have different definitions of what that feels like to us. Or, you know, are you reading that in symbols, signs, conversations, shows that you’re watching that continue, you’re drawn to this one thing over and over again. You know, and then what we make that mean, like, well, I can’t go into that. I’ve already started this path. Or if I do that, then someone, I’m going to lose love. I’m going to lose connection. I’m going to lose safety. Right. So many of these things, these
You know, when it’s different than the forced pivot, the nudged pivot is just as we’re coining this right now, but like the nudge is so brave. It’s so brave and it’s so freaky because not, I mean, majority of people aren’t going to see it for you. They’re going to see you on one path or trajectory and be maybe confused, maybe have opinions, maybe they don’t fucking care what you do. But there’s definitely a feeling of I have to summon this strength from within to declare.
that this is what my heart wants, regardless of what that comes with. And the grief and the challenges of actually getting yourself to have that nudge be the place where you don’t need the two by four all the time. You don’t need to be kicked out, popped out, fired, or broken up with to get the message. Like when we can start listening to the subtler, the subtle cues that come through, I think this is where we start to build so much more self-trust.
build that resilience. And then we, I think inherently comes with less shame about knowing when it’s a no, knowing when it’s ended because we know there’s something on the other side of this. And again, this might be through cycles, pivot, like we’ve done this enough times to realize I’m going to be okay with me. Even if everything around me looks different and the people, players of the game look different, I’m going to be good with me and I’m going to be supported, nurtured and elevated each step of the way.
Cate Blouke (35:24.694)
Yeah, I think for me, my participation in 12-Step Recovery and like cultivation of our relationship with a higher power, like all of that has really helped in that process for me, is really leaning into this sense that there is something out there that is ultimately on my side and working for my good, has helped so much in…
feeling the fear and doing it anyway. know, one of the big, like I was so, like my decision to leave academia made no fucking sense. Like I had a tenure track job, which are real hard to come by. Like life on the surface, on paper was pretty good, but it wasn’t the right fit. I was really struggling to make life outside of work work. And…
You know, like I heard the no. Like I didn’t know what the yes was at that time, but I was finally, it took a while. It took like a year and a half of being pretty miserable to like admit that this was a no and to just like let go and be like, all right, we’re gonna find our feet. And that led to like nine months of…
being a digital nomad and driving around the country and eventually finding my way to Portland. you know, like, I think something that I’m always talking to clients about and is a big part of my message is that, like, we get to choose our narrative. Like, we get to look back and make meaning. And we can choose sort of, like, shitty, self-shaming, self-critical meaning or not. Like, we could not do that.
And I’m a big fan of not doing that.
TT Hernandez (37:20.974)
Yeah, well, and you speak about not having the guess. I mean, that’s such a part of it, too. And how scary that is, true trust fall that we’re talking about is, I know it’s a no, but I don’t know what’s next. And I know the impulse really is to fill it. We want to fill the space. We want to know that there is a mission, something that we can stand on, or at least tell our friends and family, don’t worry, I’m pivoting, but I got this. This is where I’m headed. But so many times, it’s really, the point is, you need the spaciousness because it’s going to come out of left field for you.
It’s as as that, you know, ironic thing to say. But like, it’s gonna come from a place that you at this stage of your maybe consciousness, your development, it’s not gonna come from this mind, maybe. You know, that I think in those times, and if somebody’s wondering like, okay, so you’re saying there’s maybe a no out there that I’m feeling, don’t know the yes, so then what the fuck do I do? And I think in those moments, it’s like, go take a walk, go down.
down, like go into some spaces where I realized those moments where I felt pretty like I was truly wandering and didn’t have the answers yet was to just be almost in this surrender dream state in your waking state. understanding that something is going to pivot. I’ve asked for guidance. I don’t know what that looks like, but I’m going to show up today and I’m going to follow my yellow brick road. So that meaning like I’m going to follow that flower shops that looks pretty in there. I want to go smell something.
You know, like, want to go do this or taste that food and call that friend. So more of starting to set the intention out that I am open to be supported in this trust fall. And with that, show me, bring them to me. I’m open and starting to see what happens when we allow our life to be back in the fun of the game, back in the mystery.
rather than, you know, as we’re popping out of something that we’ve contorted ourselves to be fitting and it’s not anymore, let’s take a little bit of time to be back in the playfulness of this magical life.
Cate Blouke (39:30.774)
Yeah, so what are some of the yellow brick roads you have been following lately? it’s been a while since your concussion and you’ve worked on some pretty cool projects and are doing some pretty cool shit in the world.
TT Hernandez (39:44.79)
Well, thank you. Yeah, mean, Yellow Brick Roads, one big one was getting, becoming a trauma-informed certified coach. That was a really scary one to be like, I’m either going to find a place to live with money or I’m going to be putting my education and couchsurfing for a longer time, you know, and going that path. That was…
soul awakening, nourishing, and some of the deepest work that I needed to do to help support me with that transition and integrate what happened. So that was crucial for me. I also, you know, I teamed up with Lucid Realities and the formal war correspondent, Brim Ben-Khalifa, to do 7 Grams, where I did a hand drawn charcoal documentary about the cost of
mineral mining in Congo for cell phones and our devices. And that piece, it took me through a really intense portal, I’d say, and close to, I mean, some very severe burnout, but the process was, it grew me a lot and it helped me start to connect kind of more things about history, our lands, vested interests, politics, you know, really started to open me up.
to being more of a global citizen. And that was necessary. And I feel like, you know, even as of now, some of the things that have been so exciting, because it does come down to collaboration for me. love working and feeding off of other people’s energy at amplifying these things. And so, you know, just a couple of days ago, we had the launch of our second book, Josh Sparrow and I for Halloween.
And so this book series has just been so much fun with my interior drawings as these eerie, creepy charcoal work. that, you know, those are those little specs of like, I don’t know where this is going to go. This may never see the light of day, but I’m trying.
Cate Blouke (41:47.596)
Yeah, and what I love about that project in particular is that you were not into spooky shit. Like, this is just a thing. So how did that happen?
TT Hernandez (42:01.088)
It was a former client who sent, recommended me to Josh to talk to and I read some of his work and when I started to see, you know, not only that he doesn’t have these traditional Halloween stories or horror stories, a lot of them might look like what you would expect as some tropes that then have really interesting twists and turns to it. And I felt like his writing just allowed me to visualize so much. And that’s for me where I, I just, that’s how I know it’s a yes, is if I’m reading something and I can see it.
and watch it like a movie in my head. And so it took a little bit of a learning curve for us to figure out how to communicate best and work together. But we got it to a place where, you know, not just being an artist for hire, but actually having a deeper collaborative approach to it, where I have edited some of his things. I’ve, you know, told him to remove stories if it didn’t feel like they were hitting to the degree of his full power. And he’s also had me do redraws that
you know, pushed me to a place where I was like, wow, if I never got those notes, I would have never known what was deeper in me and how I could push that further.
Cate Blouke (43:06.542)
So how has ADHD showed up in your collaborations?
TT Hernandez (43:11.598)
you want to talk about fear of rejection and sensitivities of feedback, feeling in trouble all the time where I’m like worried that whatever I’m doing isn’t good enough or that if somebody wants to talk or have any, you know, parts about that, that that would feel like a collapse where I would want to send something out in the world and then not check my email or I would sit on something too long and not share.
while it was in the early stages where that would have been a great time to share so we could have gotten on a different path. And instead, hide it, hide it, hide it, and then give it, and then hide again. And realize that that is not collaboration. But I was getting in my way about feeling so fearful that if I was told that this didn’t hit the mark, that I was going to internalize that and make that mean that I’m not capable, they’ll never work with me again. And basically, just a piece of shit.
That was a part of the process of getting over and starting to find the right collaborators.
Cate Blouke (44:18.51)
Yeah, oh my God, I’m so glad I asked that question because I can so relate to that. From the experience, as someone who did, well, I I worked for a newspaper for a while. Anytime I’m putting work out into the world that other people have to look at, it’s so hard. It’s so hard with my little ADHD brain and the rejection sensitivity and the like, all of that.
TT Hernandez (44:45.934)
It really, I think that that’s a part that I knew my heart still wanted to do these messages and share and amplify these other voices. And it was important to me. For a while, just didn’t know where to put all that. And I think I had to look at myself in a deeper way to realize like, what are the stories I’m making up? Have they said these things directly to me? Like, you know, all of these assumptions that I go into situations.
And realizing that that like, yeah, I’m a masterful story making machine like all of us are that we create these ideas and experiences. And when I started to feel like I could vocalize again, that I deserve limits, that I’m allowed to say, I need more time. This is what I’m running into, but be communicative. That’s the hard part is I feel like so many ADHDers, the avoidance and burying their head in the sand is, I mean, it’s a painful initiation process to this experience, but
We start to feel like it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that people are just mad at us, that we aren’t able to get the next job. But it’s really not because of your lack of skill or your lack of dynamite ideas. It’s because you did not follow through with the emails. It’s because you didn’t request support when you needed it. You know, it’s like those are the kinds of things that I think a lot of people truly are looking for. Are you going to be a good teammate in this?
That is the, you know, that’s a part that I definitely support my clients in with this creative process because building the nervous system to send the email and not collapse, right? Like this is a big part of the process to feel more and more excitement in what you have to offer. But I know that when we’re already feeling self-conscious or shrinking about whether we’re worthy or worth it or a burden or mess something up, you know, we are being taught that from school. We’ve been
having these issues since little kids, maybe with our home life. And that is something that I think if we get more people out there, like this is my battle cry is wanting to see, you know, a resurgence and a renaissance time of neurodivergence, being able to be out in the world and actually expressing their brilliance and creativity with the right resources. Because I think this is just it’s time we need you, we need you sharing your work.
Cate Blouke (47:05.512)
Yeah, we need you sharing your work. Yeah, like that’s so relatable and important. Like I just was also listening to you and thinking about how incredibly powerful it has been for me as a client working with a coach, as a coach working with clients. And one of the things that I know comes up for my clients and I know that has come up for me
as a client is this insidious story that I shouldn’t need somebody to help me do the thing that you’re quote unquote supposed to be able to do, right? And it’s been so powerful to shed that and to just accept that, if I have to do my fucking taxes, I’m gonna be more
TT Hernandez (47:48.152)
Dude.
Cate Blouke (48:02.867)
able to do that if I’m participating in body doubling.
TT Hernandez (48:07.052)
Yes, body doubling has been the game changer for me. And it’s not only just the body doubling, but it actually, when I started to go more public on social media and showing my body doubling and showing my doom piles and my suitcase that has sat there for 21 days, like actually exposing this and realizing that the support from the community that came back was that I feel the same. Thank you, thank you, because I did not feel, I feel like.
if anybody saw this about me, they would judge me. And so when I realized that I needed, again, more intensity to come through for me to actually do the thing, so was like, you know what, I’m gonna post this on Instagram and be able to have all of you viewing my stories as my body doublers, because now that I’m being recorded, I’m gonna finish my task. And so that was one of my principal tools that I decided to create for myself, because it was a really effective one.
Cate Blouke (49:02.954)
I’m thinking about that. like when I got my diagnosis, I went down a like rabbit hole of the how to ADHD YouTube videos. She’s great. I don’t remember her name. She’s adorable though. And like one of the videos was about like house cleaning and she’s got these like lovely, like really professional, like well edited videos. And then she shows us like the disaster that is her house. And it was just like, I feel like
It’s not just me, like, that this is a thing. And like, I don’t feel so alone, and I don’t feel so much shame about this thing, because like, the struggle is real.
TT Hernandez (49:45.166)
It is. Yeah. And I think the hard part is our symptoms don’t show up consistently. So yes, one day I can send the email without a lot of feelings and I can go about my day. Another day I wake up, that’s not in me. And so when we start to acknowledge that this is not an isolated event for people, this is something that we all hit at different times. And not even to mention, I mean, this, like the PMDD or FOOST struggling a lot with sensitivity towards our home.
hormone fluctuations as know, if you’re something’s experiencing, you know, a menstrual cycle that that was another huge part of this that I knew that in the first two weeks when I was on the rise of my hormones, I was feeling great and I was feeling capable and that’s when I’d say yes to everything. Then I would have 10 days of the rest of my month where I start to question my worth, I start to go into darker spirals and I start to feel the withdrawal from these supportive hormones.
And doing that in the dark of it, not understanding hormones, not understanding cycles or the ADHD, made it a really scary, dark place to ever think that how could I ever live a life that I’m proud of and feel confident in if I’m only available to myself for two weeks a month? What does that really look like?
Cate Blouke (51:03.34)
Oof. Yeah.
TT Hernandez (51:04.814)
So that one was, you know, these things go hand in hand when you start to research more and more about what does this look like because those symptoms get more intense for me around that time. And just to speak to any listeners who are having that confusing moment or frustration or starting to notice, like, that’s when it is exciting to do some more of that research and that deep dive to get to know when are you in your cycle and is that something that you want to start preparing for rather than
feeling surprised every day about it, but starting like marking on your calendars, like be careful not to like schedule the podcast or the thing for that. That’s too much of time if you need more grace and space for that. Is there anything else you want to share before we wind this down? I’d love to put this out here for.
Cate Blouke (51:47.713)
Yeah.
TT Hernandez (52:01.326)
They’re just thoughts that have been coming up about our dialogue today with pivots. So like, how would the shame lift if you knew projects had breaks put in? You know, that you create the momentum, yet maybe the project’s the one who’s in control of the speed. What if you didn’t think you were failing? What if you were listening?
Cate Blouke (52:23.692)
Oof. What if I didn’t think I was failing? thought I was listening. Hmm. That’s a yummy little nugget I’m gonna take with me. Because I know for me, like, pivot often brings up the feeling of failure.
Unless it’s something I’m like super excited about and I’m just like, weeee! But usually like, especially some of the big life pivots that I’ve been through, like there’s been a lot of navigating that and I like that invitation of just like, what if I’m just like actually listening?
TT Hernandez (53:04.014)
Yes, I mean I do think that you know that just comes with time self-inquiry calling yourself on your own bullshit Are you avoiding or are you listening? You know like you know they can mask each other So find out what that is and this is why I think especially in our community We need strong powerful reflections for people to remind us of our beauty intelligence grace capability resilience and that’s something that I think is
so precious here. So when we think about asking for outside support, getting a coach, a therapist who actually knows what this is like, I’ve been down the path most often with people who have never ever felt this in a day in their life. And I got to tell you, even to this day, my therapist is like, why don’t you just do it? Just do it.
Cate Blouke (53:48.064)
Yeah, and that’s why I went and found a NeuroSpicy therapist. Because like, I can’t. I can’t with that.
TT Hernandez (53:57.134)
Because if I was not as self-assured, I would take that as more of my personal burden. And now I realize how beautiful for her that she’s never lived a day in her life to understand why it’s hard to shower and get ready and make the phone call. Like, I love that for her. And that’s the energy I have now, rather than feeling like I’m wrong, weird, or broken somehow. So I know that there are these things here. And that’s what I think, getting the reflections of strong people like that.
is so valuable because we often downplay our success, amplify our challenges, and then forget a lot. Just we do forget a lot of stuff. And like, I’ve done a lot of cool things that I’ve already forgotten about. Yeah.
Cate Blouke (54:41.838)
100 % like I’m so future oriented that like, you know, I like so very specifically, for example, I’m going back to school and I’ve been talking a lot about how I really want to be able to maintain this podcast. I don’t know if that’s going to be feasible. We’re going to find out. But like, I’m so focused on the future that I can’t like pause and be like, dude.
I’ve been doing this thing for almost fucking two years and like I’ve got 50 some episodes out and like that’s pretty rad. Like even if I stopped doing this tomorrow, like I made a pretty cool thing that exists in the world and like that’s okay. Like we’re allowed to like stop doing things.
TT Hernandez (55:26.702)
Yes, moral of the story. It’s not right anymore. Yeah, this is beautiful. And so thank you for taking this on, for showing up as you do, for being so genuine. Also, just this, you know, if this is one of the last interviews for a little while, I’m so honored to be on here with you because settling is bullshit. And it is, I know it grates at us when we feel like we are. But finding out, are you addicted to the chaos?
that stuff that can be supported and worked on, are you actually just kind of moving through these different levels? And I have to say, when I finally moved in with my sweet partner, Kevin, and living in a house that is supportive for my nervous system, where I am not questioned or interrogated or feeling like I’m in trouble anymore, when I have peace and quiet to myself most days and a relationship that doesn’t take all my mental faculties to obsess over, I am left with understanding that
The story, this is about me now. And I do need to see where I’ve been hiding and where I’m ready to start shining and growing. But sometimes it does really mean we need these environments that are going to nurture us because we need that softness to be able to do a lot of challenging things. know, so just that’s also my encouragement is get that soft texture, smell those flowers, bring that in, find it in your own way until you can build that life and that daily experience that actually
leaves you enough room to be uncomfortable with facing you. Because that’s what it leads to. It’s not all pretty. But it does mean I have space now. Space to see where I want to shine and where I do want to start stepping up and where I do need more support from my coaches and therapists to be able to hold this much of a vision.
Cate Blouke (57:12.867)
Yeah. I love it. All right, TT, where can people find you?
TT Hernandez (57:20.876)
All right, you can find me on Instagram at the dot T.T. Hernandez. You can find Hall or ween information at Hall or ween on Instagram. My website is T.T. Hernandez dot com. And as any true ADHDer knows, it’s not fully updated. if you have, you know, email me, you know, if you want to chat like I’m all about it.
You know, it’ll happen or won’t someday. that’s somewhere that you see some of my custom portrait work. love, yeah, doing collaborations and ideally opening more seats and spaces for neuro-spicy people who might have heard this, who are feeling like they want to do just a 30-minute touch point, check if we’re the right fit. And I would love to take you a little deeper into understanding how to work with these forces and how to start feeling more comfortable in yourself.
So those spaces right now that I can even think of.
Cate Blouke (58:23.374)
And they’ll be in the show notes. And final question, what brings you joy, my friend?
TT Hernandez (58:33.678)
Oh well, man, it’s my cat’s marshmallow paws. Bring me a lot of toys!
Cate Blouke (58:40.772)
marshmallow pop.
TT Hernandez (58:41.422)
Yes, I mean, we could go on a huge list, but another huge one is understanding when that thing clicks, you finally get the piece or, you know, that feeling. It’s amazing music, head rubs, so many beautiful things out there. Awesome. Well, you. Thank you, Kate. This has been so fun.
Cate Blouke (58:58.392)
Thank you so much.
Cate Blouke (59:06.584)
Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please help me grow the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with anyone you think would benefit from hearing it too. Your support means the world to me. If you’d like to get updates about new episodes, posts, and offerings, please visit settlingisbullshit.com to subscribe to my newsletter. You can also find information there about working with me one-on-one to build your most amazing life. Until next time, remember that I believe in you, and that you are fucking awesome!
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