It’s Priority – Singular.

It’s a common refrain. We tell ourselves we need to sort out our priorities. We just have to identify our priorities and take meaningful action around them. Once we have our priority list, we can make better decisions! Our priorities will guide us!!

Except they won’t. Because there’s no such thing as more than one priority. Trying to rank and juggle and sort our multiple “priorities” just tends to fuck us up when we’re trying to get our lives in order.

Priority – Cambridge: “something that is considered more important than other matters.”

Priority – Oxford: “the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.” [emphasis my own]

Priority – Merrium-Webster: “​​something given or meriting attention BEFORE competing alternatives.” [again, I’m adding the emphasis]

Y’all, it’s priority, singular. There is one. Not many. Not several. Not even two! Because in order for something to come before other things, there can’t be a ranking system.

The priority is at the top. Everything else is secondary, or third-ary, or fourth-ary. Sure, you can rank those lesser alternatives, but they aren’t priorities. They’re just the shit we want to do after or in addition to our priority – i.e. our list of goals.

Why am I on a rant about semantics? Because if we really want to focus and organize our lives and be able to make decisions in a world that pulls us in six different directions, knowing our priority becomes the shining beacon that lights our best path forward.

We Need a Priority to Narrow Our Options

Part of what makes contemporary living so confusing and difficult is the eight million options we’re confronted with in any given moment. Thanks to the internet, there are vastly too many options to sift through when it comes to, well, basically everything. 

With remote work and LinkedIn, jobs are everywhere. Online dating means we’ve got thousands of potential mates to sort through. Want a toaster? Amazon will offer you more than 2,000 search results with a 4+ star rating!

All of which means we are constantly being asked to sort through options in basically every aspect of our lives. Decision fatigue is real. And if we don’t have guiding principles to help us quickly pare down our options, it’s no wonder we end up burnt out and crispy AF.

Having clarity around your priority (singular) offers structural support to build your life around. When you know what your one, guiding priority is then you don’t have to agonize over decisions. When thinking about where to put your time, money, and attention, you can ask yourself, “does this serve my priority?”

If the answer is no, then you probably don’t need to do, buy, or waste time on the thing – even if you want to.

Something Has to Come First

Let me provide a relatable example – family or career. Yes, we can have both! Yes, both matter! Yes, we can make all sorts of decisions that ultimately serve both of these ends.

However. When the rubber hits the road, or the shit hits the fan, we have to pick one or the other. One of these two key aspects of our lives has to come first. 

Are you making family decisions in service of your career? Or, are you making career decisions in service of your family? The distinction matters.

Sample scenario: you’re offered a promotion at work. It will mean longer hours for at least six months, so you’ll have less time with your family. However, it will be more money and a really good opportunity for continued advancement down the road. Do you take it?

Well, that depends on your priority right now. Putting career first is a great way to build a foundation for family later. Putting family first is a great way to ensure stability and happiness, which ultimately serves your career in the long run.

So, if career is the priority right now, then yes! Take the promotion! This is a great career move. 

If family is the priority right now, then no. You don’t take it. Even though the promotion might feel like it’s serving your family (helping pay for college, etc.), if family is the priority now, then you prioritize it now by putting it before competing alternatives. A promotion that takes you away from precious family time doesn’t serve the current priority.

See how knowing your priority can be super helpful when decisions are big and tough and pulling you in different directions? Having a guiding principle to turn to makes tough decisions easier.

And the good news is that your priority can change over time! Those changes just need to be intentional. 

The Priority Will Change As You Change

For the first half of this year, health was my priority. Mental health, specifically. I was on the burnout train, grieving the end of a really significant relationship, and trying to sort out what the fuck to do with my life. While work and creativity and fun activities were all important to me, I realized that what had to come first above all of that was my health. 

Prioritizing health meant slowing down, not trying to do so many things, and being really clear with myself about my own capacities. It meant deciding not to take more improv classes, even though I wanted to. It meant less travel, more down time, and a lot of deliberate space for processing emotions.

Now, I’m in a really good place health-wise. Physically, I’m in a good exercise routine. My eating is in good enough shape. And I’m back to having graduated therapy for the foreseeable future!

So, health doesn’t really need to be my priority anymore. It’s pretty well situated. It’ll always be important, but I now have the foundation in place to be able to shift my priority to something new.

Part of the reason I’m writing this, of course, is because my priority naturally started to shift in the past two months. Except I hadn’t actually been deliberate about choosing a new one! Which explains why I’ve been kind of floundering around, trying to do too many things at once lately.

So, when the priority shifts, I have to figure out what the fuck my priority is all over again. And there’s always some nuance to pay attention to when deciding on the priority.

Pay Attention to the Nuance

Only you can determine your priority. Except if you’re in partnership. Then you and your partner get the opportunity to determine the relationship’s priority. And, frankly, if you’re both committed to the partnership, that’s the priority. You can have individual guiding principles or areas of focus or goals, but, again, it’s priority singular. 

Regardless of whether it’s an individual or mutual priority, there’s going to be some important nuance to unpack in order to pick the right priority for where you’re at in this moment.

I’ll use my situation to illustrate: I’m simultaneously enrolled in two different coach training programs. I’ve started taking on some practice clients, bought the domain for my business, and am working on getting a website up. So, it would seem like career is clearly the priority, right? Maybe.

If career (i.e. changing careers) is my priority, then I need to be focused on making that cash money! I need to be building my business. I need a plan and action steps and an exit strategy. I need to hustle up some paying clients and make this shit happen! All of which was stressing me the fuck out, to be honest.

So, maybe my priority right now is training. If training is my priority, that takes a lot of pressure off. I can give myself the space to practice before feeling like I have to already be earning.

If I’m hanging out in the learning phase, giving myself permission to be in the exploring space rather than the building space, then I can make decisions without being so focused on the financial implications. I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to get clients or what packages I’m going to offer. I can focus on honing my skills, gathering my tools, learning what works for me in showing up well with clients.

And right now, I need to take the pressure off. I need the reminder that none of this is urgent, that I’m allowed to take things slow. I also need to stay just a bit more focused than I have been.

Filtering Through the Lens of the Priority

Once I have my priority, then I get to put it into action. As I look at my day or week or month ahead, I can plan based on that priority. I can ask myself: does where I’m thinking about spending my time ultimately serve my priority?

If training is my priority, that means it comes first. All the fun shit I want to do – improv classes, afternoon coffee hangs with interesting people, finally learning to make a croquembouche – only comes after I’ve done the training-related shit I need to do. And given that my little ADHD, fun-chasing soul wants to do all the things all the time, having a priority to guide me can really help keep that shit in check.

That doesn’t mean I can’t spend a Saturday fucking around in the kitchen. It doesn’t mean that every moment of my life should be devoted to becoming a better coach. It just means that I want to keep myself centered, to check in around where I’m placing my attention. 

Where my afternoons used to be open for phone calls and coffee dates, I want to line up at least a few practice coaching sessions. Or, I want to take myself to a coffee shop to read a coaching-related book. 

There’s always room for fun and joy and creativity and not work, but all of that comes after the priority. If I’ve done at least one thing in service of the priority on a given day, then I can probably cut myself some slack when it comes to other shit. 

A priority serves as a guiding principle to get me closer to my dreams. It gives me focus and direction. And it helps me sift through the bullshit that gets in the way.

I want to do awesome things. And I want to get there by giving myself a lot of grace and support. Identifying the one thing that I need to focus on at a given time sets me up for success in a way that trying to tackle multiple things never does.

So, what’s your priority right now? What do you need to focus on above all else?