My Favorite Books of 2024
While I do love all the year in review recaps that start popping up in early December, I can’t help but feel that means the last 20 or so days of the year become a black hole lost to time. And maybe because my birthday is in late December, I’m especially sensitive to making sure […]
Embracing Everyday Magic with Tarot Reader & Witch Julie Miller
Whether we call it magic, prayer, intention, or simply mindfulness, there is power in how we show up in our lives. It’s often just a matter of how much we’re actually paying attention. In this delightful and seasonally appropriate conversation with tarot reader and witch Julie Miller, we talk about what it means to embrace […]
Befriending Your Nervous System Part 1 with Body Wisdom Coach Marjorie Schreurs
How well do you hear the signals your body is sending, my love? Most of us either don’t hear so well or too often choose not to listen… and the consequences can look like burnout, meltdowns, freak outs, and tantrums, or chronic fatigue, self-criticism, and general cranky-pants-ness. So! Got a body? This episode is for […]
The Difference between Settling and Acceptance
When life is doing shit that we don’t like, acceptance is the jumping off point, y’all. Settling is the crash landing. Or maybe it’s the getting stuck on a sandbar landing. Settling is definitely muddy and gross, and I do not wish it upon any of you beautiful souls! Acceptance, on the other hand, is […]
How Trauma Disrupts Our Capacity for Joy with Dr. Stephanie Goldsmith, PhD
We all have trauma, y’all. It just might not be Trauma with a capital T. Instead, many/most of us are just wandering around on this journey of life getting hijacked by our little-t trauma responses without even knowing it! That’s why I brought in a globally-renowned trauma expert to talk to us about how trauma […]
On Creativity, Identity, Queerness, and Belonging with Filmmaker Jacob Combs
We all pick up a lot of labels over the course of a lifetime – the jobs we have, the ways we show up in the world, the communities to which we belong. Sometimes the labels stick; sometimes we outgrow them. And the beauty and tragedy of adulthood is that it’s really up to each […]
Sharing Our Tenderness and Navigating Vulnerability Hangovers
Sharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most […]
Emotional Archeology and the Joy of (Queer) Authenticity with Coach Jayme Roderick
Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot […]
Be the Weirdo Who Dares to Enjoy
If I could bottle up and sell a single magic elixir to the world, it would be a potion of self-acceptance. Because the truth is, as the LP song goes, we are all strange. And I think the world would be a kinder, more joyful, more vibrant place if we could all celebrate that instead […]
Recharging Your Batteries
While it’s easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn’t always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we’re trying […]
The Joy and Discomfort of Trying New Things
For a lot of us, trying new things (aka learning) can be deeply, wrenchingly uncomfortable. It can also be super duper awesome, especially on the other side. There is joy to be found in our expansion, in our stepping out or into the world of possibility and weathering the discomfort that comes from growth. We […]
Using Movement to Shift Perspective with Dr. Sarah Roth
Fun fact: our connective tissue has more neurons and neuroreceptors than any other organ in the body! Which means any physical movement we make can have a substantial impact on our mental outlook – a handy concept we can leverage when trying to implement changes in our lives. In other words: move your butt to […]
Take Yourself on a F*cking Date!
Come one, come all! This post applies to single folks and double folks alike! (Lol. I guess I mean married or partnered folks, but I’m often struck by the silliness of the “single” label). The premise I’m about to explore is that anyone – whether romantically attached to another human or not – can benefit from […]
Viewing Our Past with Generosity
Every once in a while, the opportunity presents itself to dive back into our past. I’m not talking about general rumination on how things could have been, but on the objects or artifacts we stumble across out of the blue. Sometimes this looks like sifting through old pictures or picking up an ancient journal. Sometimes […]
Dating Is Supposed to Be FUN.
Hear ye, hear ye! The dreaded V-Day approacheth! And I come bearing reminders for self-care and self-advocacy! You DO have agency around your dating life! You DON’T have to fall into the morass of self pity and despair! There is hope – should you choose to reach for it!! Lol. But really, y’all. Dating isn’t […]
Forget Goals. Set Intentions Instead.
‘Tis the season for all of us to either contemplate the merits of New Year’s resolutions or ignore them completely. And while I do absolutely love a big, exciting goal, I’m also super aware of the ways goals can lead us astray, quickly become demotivating, or result in giving up before we ever get real […]
My Best Reads of 2023
It wouldn’t be the end of the year without a flurry of wrap up posts and stories. Since I’m a big believer in paying attention to ritual and seasons changing, I’m jumping on the bandwagon and offering up a contribution of my own. (I also love recommending books, so this is as good an excuse […]
The Life Changing Magic of Nonviolent Communication
It’s happened again. Somebody you care about did a thing – an inconsiderate, unkind, irresponsible, or just plain stupid thing – and it has hurt your feelings. Or made you super mad. Or caused a whole bunch of confusing emotional chaos that you really didn’t want to deal with today. Fuuuuuuck! So. Given that reality, […]
Escaping the Mire of Faux Feelings
Invalidated, unappreciated, disrespected, abandoned, unsupported, attacked, judged, invisible… any of these “feelings” tend to crop up for you? Do they come crashing in and wreck your mood, or your day, or your relationships? Invisible is a fan favorite of my inner kiddo, and, ooh boy, that one will fuck up my emotional tranquility real fast. […]
What If *Everything* Counted?
Fitbits, Apple watches, apps upon apps upon apps… if you’re doing a thing and want to track it, the technology is there. Want to know how you’re sleeping? There’s an app for that. Want to keep an eye on water intake, or mood, or your cycle, or stress levels, or even your bowel movements – […]
It’s Priority – Singular.
It’s a common refrain. We tell ourselves we need to sort out our priorities. We just have to identify our priorities and take meaningful action around them. Once we have our priority list, we can make better decisions! Our priorities will guide us!! Except they won’t. Because there’s no such thing as more than one […]
Fighting the Hopelessness of Modern Dating
To all my single people out there, I feel you. Oh, lordy, do I feel you. Dating in the twenty-first century can feel entirely fucking impossible for so many reasons, and since hope isn’t a feeling (it’s something we have to create for ourselves), it’s pretty understandable that hopelessness creeps in when we’re trying to […]
What My Recovery Means to Me
Today marks 13 years since I smoked the last of my weed (July 1st, 2010) and decided to try spending 90 days entirely sober (July 2nd, 2010). As it turned out, being completely substance-free suited me really, really well – eventually. When I got sober, I didn’t really think I had a problem with alcohol. […]
Your Needs Are Not a Failing
Food, water, shelter. Safety and security. Sleep! Friendship and a sense of connection. These are all amongst the foundational needs of every person on this planet. They all fall in the first three sections of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – the premise of which (if you aren’t familiar) is that basic needs must be met before […]
Deciding People Mean Well
No matter how kind or compassionate or generous we may be, people are going to hurt us. That’s a reality of being in relation with other humans. People fuck up, and our feelings get hurt. We get angry. We sometimes retaliate, even when we don’t mean to. Everybody behaves like a jerk sometimes. Welcome to […]
Mental Health Is Something We Do – Every Day
May was mental health awareness month, so I’m a bit behind the times in writing about it. But, hey! Mental health matters all year round! It’s also something that gets talked about a lot in somewhat vague and empty ways, too often conflated with mental illness. Spoiler: they’re not the same thing. Everyone – and I […]
Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Choice
While we often talk about “feeling” hopeful, that phrasing is a little misleading – because unlike sadness or joy or fear, hope isn’t actually a feeling. It’s a mental process that we can choose to engage in. It’s not an internal signal that naturally occurs. In other words, hope is something we do rather than […]
Happiness is Fleeting, Wholeness Persists
I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in recovery is that feelings aren’t forever – all of them. Happy, sad, afraid, elated, hopeless, irritated, confused, delighted, embarrassed, ashamed, adored… none of them are permanent states of being, and trying to make them last is an unrealistic goal. But we do try, and […]
Do You Want a Different Past or a Better Future?
I went “home” again last week (hence the brief hiatus from posting). And much to my surprise, it fucked with me. Just like it always does – even though I haven’t lived there for fifteen years. Admittedly, growing up in Las Vegas meant I had a bizarre fucking childhood. Not because my family was involved […]
If You Can’t Love Yourself, How Can You Trust That Others Do?
Despite what Instagram and TikTok and the rest of the internet might say, cultivating self-love is fucking hard to do. Being able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “damn. I’m awesome!” and then a) not cringe and b) actually mean it? That takes a lot of fucking work and patience. But it is […]
WTF Does It Mean to “Get Over” Someone?
When talking about breakups, we talk about “getting over” our exes. We talk about “moving on,” and “letting go.” But I think there’s a lot of murky ideas about what the fuck any of that actually means. And I don’t pretend to have THE answer to any of it, but I do think it’s a […]
Choosing People Who Choose You
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that being in a relationship with people is actually a choice we make on a daily basis. We are constantly choosing to show up, to engage with the people in our lives – whether those relationships are friendship or romantic partnership or even familial. (Reminder: we can opt out of […]
Stepping Into Discomfort
To be comfortable, according to ye ol’ dictionary, is to be free from vexation, doubt, stress, or tension. I.e. to be comfortable means to be free of anything that stretches or changes us in any way – because change means stepping into the unknown, stepping into the potential for doubt, stress, and vexation. In other […]
Start Talking to Yourself Like a Friend
Do you do the thing that so many of us do where you call yourself an idiot for making a minor mistake? Do you say things like “I’m so stupid,” or “I suck,” or “I’m the worst?” If so, you’re not alone. But also – please knock that shit off. Please? It’s not nice. And […]
Sh*tting on Your Ex Is Sh*tting on Yourself
Let’s be real, it can feel damn good to shit talk exes. (Anger is a stage of grief, after all). Rather than getting overwhelmed by sorrow, it can be much easier to focus on how an ex was “an asshole,” “a crazy bitch,” or “a really fucked up person.” It can feel awesome to vent […]
Everybody F*cks Up Sometimes (Ourselves Included)
Like a bunch of folks, I got caught up in Southwest Airlines’ epic fail during this years’ holiday travel. My experience wasn’t as horrible as most, though – by some sort of truly miraculous twist of fate, I made it home on Christmas morning… at 4am. It sucked. And I was real cranky about it. And […]
Moving from Fear to Love
In the past few years, I’ve made a lot of big, scary decisions. It started with the decision to leave academia – because I wanted the agency to choose where I live. Then I had to actually decide where to live and picked Portland – even though I wasn’t sure I could afford it. Then […]
Give Yourself a F**king Break
I’m writing this from Mexico City – which is important context since I’m on day four of an eight day trip and have cried at least once (if not multiple times) every day for the last three days. And the shitty voice in my head wants to be a dick to me about that, so […]
Fear Is a Sneaky F*cker
I’m gonna go ahead and make a bold claim/sweeping generalization here: unless we’re actively practicing self awareness, most of us live our lives driven by fear. And most of us are pretty oblivious about it until we start really looking at what we’re doing. Hopefully you noticed that I included myself in that. I’m not […]
What If Nobody Is Broken?
Here’s a thought to chew on: what if – in spite of all the ways you might struggle with being a human in the world – you aren’t broken? What if the people that hurt us aren’t broken? What if nobody is broken? What would that mean? Who would we be? How would letting go of […]
What Do You Actually Need?
Identifying needs is probably one of the hardest things to do. It requires checking in with yourself in a deep and mindful way, which is a process that most of us never really had modeled. Instead, we get told – by society, by our family of origin, by our inner critic – that our needs are “too […]