Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit Show

The world is bananas right now. A lot of us are angry, afraid, and struggling to stay out of the pit of despair. And that makes sense! It’s totally understandable. AND… my offering to you in this episode is the idea that centering ourselves in joy is what will fuel our ability to keep showing up. 

Joy isn’t the byproduct of things being amazing, it’s the lighter fluid for keeping ourselves alight.

If we don’t center our joy, we will burn ourselves out, my love. And now more than ever, claiming your joy means relentlessly deciding that joy matters. That you deserve joy, that it isn’t frivolous or inaccessible.

And if you don’t know where to start, I’ve got a whole big list of ideas to offer ya! Not in a toxic positivity or spiritually bypass-y kind of way, but in a small, daily practices to contribute to your mental and emotional well-being sort of way.

Listen on Spotify

Listen on Apple

Listen wherever you listen to podcasts!

References, Resources, and Links

Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.

Spiritual bypassing: using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues.

Improv comedy. Where all the things are made up on the spot! So good! Find your local improvisers and go laugh at the absurdity. In Portland, I recommend Curious Comedy

Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay by Cindy Spiegel.

Follow me on Instagram and tell me what brings you joy!

“Good Day” by DNCE.

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo.

The Lightmakers Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy by Karen Walrond.

Jolene covers. SO GOOD!

Transcript

Note: this transcript was generated by AI. Please forgive any malapropisms and misspellings. It’s the robot’s fault!

[01:18] Hello darling. How’s it going? How you hanging in there amidst the shit show that is happening right now?

[01:33] How’s your heart? How’s your spirit?

[01:37] Have you been taking good care of my friend?

[01:41] I hope you have. And if you haven’t, well, today’s a new day and there’s always an opportunity to make changes.

[01:50] And today’s episode is all about how vital it is to cultivate joy. When everything in the world is terrible,

[02:01] and not in a spiritual bypass y or toxic positivity way, but in the awareness that joy and hope and love and levity are the fuel that are going to help us get through whatever’s going on,

[02:24] whether it’s the geopolitical climate, whether it’s loss,

[02:28] whether it’s tremendous grief, whether it’s illness,

[02:32] even in the midst of that shit,

[02:34] even in the midst of all of the shit that we are powerless over,

[02:39] we can cultivate joy. We deserve to cultivate joy, and that it’s not frivolous,

[02:45] that it is part of what will get us through.

[02:49] Something you’re going to hear me talking a lot about in coming months and for forever is that I fundamentally believe that joy is the fuel, not the byproduct,

[03:05] that we don’t do all the things that we do in life to then arrive at joy.

[03:11] That if we start with small gestures and moments and practices that cultivate joy,

[03:18] that is what actually allows us to show up and do the hard things and chase after our dreams in more sustainable and hopeful and vibrant ways.

[03:34] And so this episode is a pep talk around really creating intentional practices to fuel, to nourish, to cultivate your own joy.

[03:47] Especially when shit is awful outside.

[03:51] Speaking from personal experience, I was in a pretty heavy burnout in January and ended up signing up for an improv class. I have a deep and enduring love of improv.

[04:05] It brings me a tremendous amount of joy, but for all sorts of reasons, largely kind of like financial and scheduling.

[04:12] I haven’t taken a class in a really long time or done it in a really long time.

[04:18] And I was burnt out and depressed and signed up for a class anyway.

[04:24] And that really helped get me back into myself.

[04:30] Of accessing laughter,

[04:35] of accessing fun and playfulness and silliness, even for just two and a half hours a week,

[04:43] even for just 30 minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, five minutes a day. That every little practice we can incorporate into our lives to add more joy to our daily experience,

[04:59] the brighter that we are going to shine.

[05:02] And the ripple effect will be that we help others find their shine too.

[05:09] Something I’ve been chewing on is this idea of quiet joy and vibrant joy,

[05:18] that there are tremendous range of ways in which we each define what brings us joy, what joy means to us,

[05:29] and how we can access these little pockets, these little moments,

[05:35] and that those things add up and that it is a practice.

[05:39] In her book Micro Finding Hope, Especially When Life Is not okay,

[05:46] Cindy Spiegel defines this idea of micro joys as a practice of discerning joy in any moment, accessible to everyone,

[05:58] particularly during difficult times.

[06:01] She goes on to say, unlike our culture of instant, relentless, toxic positivity, micro joys require practice, awareness and focus to take root.

[06:13] For me, some examples of micro joys are, you know, really pausing to notice how absolutely delicious my fancy latte is when I go out to a coffee shop, it’s going on a walk and noticing the flowers that are emerging and just really taking a moment to say, wow,

[06:38] flowers are fucking amazing.

[06:41] Or the cute little birds that are just chitter, chittering away in a bush. This happened on a walk the other day. There was just all these tiny little chickadee type birds.

[06:51] I don’t know birds well enough to know which ones they were, but they were cute and they were small and they were having the best time.

[07:00] And the more I intentionally decide to notice those things and to breathe them into my system,

[07:10] the more grounded I’m able to feel in the reality that there is hope and there is joy and that there is cuteness in the world in spite of the fucked up shit that’s also happening.

[07:26] Cultivating joy as a daily life practice is a huge part of what my work in this world is about.

[07:34] It’s what my coaching is about. It’s what this podcast is about. Fundamentally,

[07:40] it’s about claiming joy in your life and choosing to relentlessly decide that joy matters. But doing that, that practice, this ongoing commitment, doesn’t excuse me or doesn’t separate me from the reality of things also being crappy sometimes,

[08:08] that these two things really do go hand in hand. And it’s not an either or,

[08:15] but when things get hard, that’s when we need joy more than ever and we have to get fucking intentional about our joy.

[08:25] On days where everything feels horrible,

[08:29] reaching for just a small thing that genuinely brings you joy, that touches your heart,

[08:36] that lifts your spirits,

[08:39] that’s not just allowed, it’s necessary.

[08:43] Because the darkness will swallow us if we let it.

[08:47] And it’s our job to tend to our internal fire, to tend to our lights within by fueling them with things that brighten our day even, and especially when everything feels terrible.

[09:01] I’m going to be a broken record about this today,

[09:04] but things feel terrible. There’s a lot of, like, chaos out there and so much that we’re all just so powerless over. And that feels awful and heartbreaking and horrible.

[09:16] And yet life goes on.

[09:18] There is a both and here,

[09:21] and we have to lean into the both, and otherwise we’re gonna go cuckoo bananas and be fucking miserable and give up and the fascists are gonna win. You know,

[09:31] I don’t watch apocalypse TV shows or movies because they really stress me out, but back when I used to, and my general understanding of these things is that even amidst the actual apocalypse movies, like, people laugh about stuff and they find love and they find little moments of things that do make them happy.

[09:55] And when we do that, we find the strength to go on.

[10:00] Right?

[10:02] So in terms of, like, practical application,

[10:06] my invitation is to ask yourself, like, what brings me joy?

[10:13] And make a fucking list so that you have it available so that you can, like, reach for the list when you’re having a hard time time and be like, oh, yeah, here’s some things.

[10:23] And if you don’t know where to start,

[10:26] I made a small list and I’ll share it on Instagram.

[10:32] But some of the things to just think about or to put into practice in terms of, like, quiet or solitary joy,

[10:43] writing a gratitude list and really leaning into, like, what you appreciate about the things that you do have in your life,

[10:54] or even better, write a gratitude letter.

[10:58] Think about someone that you absolutely fucking love in your life and write them a letter and tell them why you love them. I promise it’s gonna, like, really brighten their fucking day.

[11:11] And writing it will brighten yours too.

[11:14] A friend of mine introduced me to the idea of rainbow walks,

[11:18] which is basically like walking around your neighborhood and taking a picture of a red thing and an orange thing and a yellow thing and a green thing and a blue thing and a purple thing and focusing your attention on the colors.

[11:33] My practice with this has made me even more committed that the world needs more purple. It is. It tends to be pretty hard to find purple things,

[11:42] but it’s a really just nice practice of looking for the rainbows amidst the storm.

[11:51] You could make or acquire a glitter jar and just shake it and stare at like glitter sparkles moving. It’s very soothing, I promise.

[12:04] So is blowing bubbles or performing a random act of kindness engaging in your creative hobby, whatever that is. You know the thing that you used to do that you’ve put down and haven’t touched in a while?

[12:17] Pick it back up even if you don’t want to. The truth is that I can’t think myself into right action. I can’t think myself into joy.

[12:28] I have to act myself into right thinking or just take actions that bring me joy. When we wait for the motivation,

[12:36] especially when we’re having a hard time,

[12:39] we’re probably going to be waiting for a really long time.

[12:43] But if you just decide to get up and do the thing,

[12:46] I promise you’ll get surprising and delightful results.

[12:52] A few other things I had on my list were glitter pens. Obviously I love glitter, so just like sparkly things. Pen painting your nails if that’s something you’re into.

[13:03] Dressing in vibrant colors or just like really intentionally wearing one of your favorite things.

[13:10] I am currently recording this episode wearing my very fuzzy snow leopard print robe that a friend of mine made for me.

[13:21] And it brings me so much joy.

[13:24] Like putting on the makeup, doing our hair, wearing the things that we love.

[13:31] All goes into the bucket of a more joyful, centered, confident day. And it really does matter.

[13:41] And that’s all stuff that you can do by yourself, with yourself, to yourself.

[13:50] But joy is also, and especially right now, found in community and connection.

[13:59] And so some of the more vibrant joy practices that I thoroughly encourage you to think about doing with others or with yourself.

[14:09] A single song, dance party. This is one of my favorites. When I’m having a, like, hard time or when I’m just completely computer brain dead,

[14:18] get up, go into your living room, put On a song that makes you want to shake your booty and just shake your booty for the. For that song,

[14:26] and it really will change your mood. Promise. Pinky promise. It will.

[14:31] Similarly, like, single song karaoke. Like, put on a song that you love and sing along to it. Make a fucking playlist of songs that you love singing along to that.

[14:41] Jazz you up and play it on your commute to work. Or change your wake up to play a song that’s gonna start your day off on the right foot.

[14:53] My personal favorite for that is Good Day by dnce.

[14:58] Like, if you start with a song that says today’s gonna be a good day,

[15:02] I promise it’s gonna be at least slightly more likely to be a good day.

[15:07] Some other more vibrant joy practices, like hanging fairy lights,

[15:12] somewhere in your home,

[15:14] there really is something to sparkles.

[15:18] It does make many of us. I won’t speak for everybody, because some of you might be like, jesus, that is not something I want in my house.

[15:27] But they’re not that expensive, and putting them up might bring you joy. I have a disco ball in my living room. It makes me very happy just having it there.

[15:38] I don’t actually turn it on all that often, but I’m gonna turn it on today.

[15:45] And things that you can do in community, like host a dinner party,

[15:49] host a game night,

[15:51] Gather the people that you love and enjoy together with the intention that, like, hey, everybody,

[15:59] this is all about cultivating joy and community during this difficult time.

[16:07] And so I don’t want to talk about politics. Like, let’s. Let’s maybe get that out of the way at the beginning. Like, what do we need to leave at the door?

[16:16] What do we need to say? How are we feeling in this moment again? Because none of this is about bypassing. None of this is about toxic positivity.

[16:25] So start with a check in.

[16:28] Hey, like, how are you feeling right now about what’s going on in the world? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you afraid? What needs to be said so that we can carve out this next hour, two hours together and really lean into what’s here in this moment in front of us and the joy that is available if we set that down for a little while,

[16:54] if it’s hard to get people together because of schedules and whatnot,

[16:59] Do a watch party.

[17:01] Like, hop online and have a group chat about some stupid movie that you all, just, like, want to watch and laugh at or go out to an improv comedy show.

[17:14] I prefer improv comedy to stand up comedy, because stand up comedy is probably going to be talking about what’s going on in the world, whereas improv comedy might. But it’s really more likely to talk about a sad alien or who knows what.

[17:26] And I find the, like a delight of not knowing what’s going to happen,

[17:34] either as an audience member or a performer truly charming and delightful.

[17:40] Or if one of the feelings that you’ve been struggling with is just a lot of anger at the fucking bullshit and the fascism and the xenophobia and the racism and the homophobia and just all of the hate in the world.

[17:53] Go to a rage room, go smash a bunch of things and let yourself lean into that anger in a joyful and exuberant way. It is really delightful to take a baseball bat to a wine bottle.

[18:07] I’m telling ya, I didn’t even know how much joy that was gonna bring me until I went and experienced it. Go play laser tag,

[18:16] Go to a trampoline park. I don’t even know.

[18:21] But we have to carve out the time.

[18:24] We have to get intentional about fueling our capacity for joy and laughter when things are awful.

[18:36] This also has me thinking about Marie Kondo’s the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And her whole thing is touching every item in your home and asking yourself if this brings you joy.

[18:51] And I’m not sure that when we’re all kind of like weary and depressed is really the time to go on a, like, house cleaning vendor. But maybe, but even just like walking into a room in your home and scanning the shelves and being like, what brings me joy?

[19:07] And then go touch that thing and feel into the joy of it.

[19:13] You know, go find a photo album or a sentimental object and really sit with like, what was so beautiful? And what do I love about this?

[19:23] All of these are intentional practices that might be a little bit effortful but are totally available.

[19:32] Joy is accessible and available in any moment.

[19:37] And it’s a dance partner with sorrow and grief.

[19:42] It’s not about bypassing, it’s not about pretending that things aren’t hard.

[19:49] It’s saying that things are hard.

[19:53] And so I’m going to take care of myself by giving myself the gift of something joyful.

[20:00] Because you do deserve joy right now.

[20:04] You deserve levity, you deserve love, you deserve hope.

[20:09] And really leaning into cultivating those things isn’t frivolous.

[20:16] It isn’t saying that the despair and the horrors and the atrocities in the world don’t matter.

[20:25] It’s saying that, like, these things are happening and they matter. And I want to be able to show up and witness and do what I can.

[20:35] But if we’re going to be able to show up and witness and do what we can, we have to take care of our joy first.

[20:42] A book I highly recommend is the Light Maker’s Manifesto by Karen Walrond,

[20:48] and in it she talks about activism and how to center joy and be an activist. Right? If we don’t center our joy, we will burn ourselves out and we will not be able to make light in the world.

[21:05] Making light both in the sense of, you know, laughter and frivolity, but also like making light in dark times,

[21:14] being the light, bringing the light, showing the way,

[21:19] finding the hope, inspiring the hope that in order to do any of those things,

[21:25] we have to take care of our joy first.

[21:28] And so, my love, the Please my invitation today, my request of you today is to find something that brings you joy and to do it. And if you’re on the socials, tell me about it.

[21:41] I want to hear about it. I want to know what brings you joy. I gave you a big long list of things that bring me joy, but you probably have things that bring you joy that I don’t even think about that might bring me joy to know about.

[21:52] The last thing in that vein I’ll add, is that somebody else told me about this a long time ago, but I find tremendous joy in playlists of the same cover song on Spotify.

[22:06] And there’s almost seven hours. There’s an almost seven hour playlist of covers of Jolene by Dolly Parton and oh my God, that playlist brings me a lot of joy. I don’t like all of the covers on it, but some of them are fucking great and just they’re so something delightful and charming about that for me.

[22:31] So if, if that’s the kind of thing you’d be into, there you go.

[22:34] Or pick a song that you love and go see if there’s a a list of or a playlist of COVID songs. There probably is and just explore that. Have it on while you’re cooking yourself a nice meal.

[22:46] There’s so many ways to find joy.

[22:49] So I hope that you find some joy today and that you use that joy to fuel the sparkly, beautiful, vibrant light that is within you and that the world deserves to see shine.

[23:05] Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please help me grow the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with anyone you think would benefit from hearing it too.

[23:15] Your support means the world to me. If you’d like to get updates about new episodes posts and offerings. Please visit settlingisbullshit.com to subscribe to my newsletter. You can also find information there about working with me one on one to build your most amazing life.

[23:30] Until next time, remember that I believe in you and that you are fucking awesome.