The Necessity of Rest

At some point in your Instagram/TikTok/blogosphere journey, you’ve probably heard the pithy little aphorism: “we’re human beings, not human doings!” And maybe at some point that sounded deep, and maybe it resulted in a big ol’ eye roll. 

Right now, it’s feeling super eye-rolly to me. In my head, I’m going “yeah, yeah. Cool, bro. Thanks for that. But what does that even mean?!”

Seriously. What does it mean to focus on “being” instead of on doing? We’re always doing something. Isn’t lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, contemplating the vastness of the universe still doing??

I’ve been chewing on this question for the better part of a decade at this point, and I still don’t have it figured out. But what I do know is that all of us could probably use a fucking break from the endless series of chores and work and self-examination and false urgency that we bury ourselves under all the time.

Urgency Adds to Depletion

There really is merit to the idea of a day of rest – and by merit, I mean a fucking necessity that most of us tend to ignore or plow through. We get super caught up in the false urgency of “but I need to ___” and fail to actually give our brains and nervous systems the rest they require. Then we wonder why we feel so depleted all the time.

When I was in graduate school and deeply behind on finishing my dissertation, it was nigh impossible to get myself to take a day off. My panicked brain would tell me, “nooooo! You can’t stop! You’re already so far behind!!” 

But, while I didn’t fully appreciate this at the time, writing a fucking dissertation is really god damn hard. And my poor lil’ brain already had so very many things to do all the time – keep me breathing, direct my movement, regulate my emotions and nervous system, tell me what to eat, keep track of time, pay my bills, grade papers, etc. That’s a lot to do on any given day! Add in trying to make a sophisticated and lucid written argument about how the iterability of language means there’s no clear distinction between serious and non-serious usage and therefore reading intentionality across the body is both necessary and problematic?! Too much. Much, too much.

And even if grad school isn’t part of your experience, I’m pretty sure your brain can relate! Whether it’s work deadlines, or an overdue oil change, or an overgrown lawn, or any of the overwhelming to-dos of adulting that have to get done NOW!!! – most of it really isn’t as urgent as it feels. But that false urgency keeps us from taking the breaks we need.

Rest Is Necessary, Whether We Like It or Not

Most of us can accept our bodies need rest. We know we need sleep. We know that we can only be on our feet for so long. And if you work out, you probably get that rest days are necessary for your body to recover. But what about our brains, y’all? When do they get a break?! 

Weekends? Nope. Those are for chores and catching time with the people we care about! Sometimes doing both of those things simultaneously.

Weeknights?! Nope. Those are filled with after-work exhaustion and, usually, some sort of moderately effective attempt to decompress.

Some things have a clearer “take a break” structure – like forcing myself to take one day each week that I didn’t work on my dissertation. Similarly, I’ve gotten pretty good about not checking my work email over the weekend. But what about our family obligations? Our therapy-related preoccupations? When do we get to take a break from all the shit mucking around in our brains all the time?

Well, we don’t. But we also have to. (And, spoiler, three or six or ten hours of a TV show doesn’t count.)

Checking Out Isn’t Rest

Here’s the thing, binging on whatever TV show or video game or endless stream of TikTok isn’t actually rest. It’s more likely dissociation or mindless distraction. And it probably isn’t actually refilling your mental and emotional tanks while you do it. 

Watching seventeen episodes of Scrubs back-to-back just gives your brain something else to focus on – something other than your anxiety, your to-do list, the conflict with your partner, the catastrophic state of the world, and everything else that might be weighing you down when you aren’t in a cycle of distraction. But that, my friends, is not rest. It’s not “being.” It’s not actually nourishing your soul in the way that it needs.

Binging on entertainment is pretty similar to binging on junk food, it’s just junk food for your spirit. It might satiate your need to shut off the noise, but it’s not quenching your inner thirst for relaxation or joy.

When was the last time you sat and watched a sunset?

When was the last time you luxuriated in a bathtub?

When was the last time you cleared your schedule for a day and just did the things that felt good in that moment?

My guess is it’s been a while. Who has TIME for that shit?!

Well, friends, we gotta make the time. Even when it doesn’t feel like we can.

Making Time and Being Mindful

Rest is how we refill our tanks. On a physical level, it’s how we let our bodies heal and recharge. On an emotional level, we have to reach for the things that we actually find relaxing. Knitting. Doing a puzzle. Playing music. Reading something purely for the joy of it (not another self help book, even if it’s really good!). (I wish I could go on, but like I said, this is a struggle for me. Hopefully you get the point here.)

But with any of it, I think the trick to “being” instead of doing is in fully noticing what is happening right now, in being present with what is right in front of us. Even if all we can carve out is thirty minutes or an hour to ourselves, rest looks like really staying aware during those precious minutes.

Right now, I’m typing part of this draft from a hammock chair in my backyard. I’m noticing the warm summer air blow through the leaves. I’m looking up to watch a butterfly flit around the yard. I’m pausing here and there to look up and take a deep breath and notice how nice it feels to sway back and forth. And it feels restful.

Rest is about spaciousness. It’s about not having to be anywhere but here. Not having to do anything but this. But in a culture that’s so oriented around do, do, do! Go, go, go! It’s really hard to carve out space for ourselves. 

As of tomorrow, I’m taking a vacation for the first time in more than six months. And by vacation I mean deliberate time off of work that I don’t then fill with planning and completely packing my schedule to the brim. I’m intentionally not filling the time with a long list of shit I want to do. 

And part of me feels suuuuper anxious about that. While another part of me – the part that luxuriated in completely unplugging last year – is really looking forward to it. 

I’m also reminding myself that we even need breaks from the things we love sometimes. It helps stave off burnout and ensures we love them all the more when we come back.

To that end, I’m going to take a couple weeks off posting here. Not that my posting has been especially regular, but it’s important for me to set boundaries for myself. To be intentional. So, after I hit publish on this one, I’m going to set blogging aside for the few weeks – really intentionally press pause.

So, until next time, I hope you’re able to carve out some space for yourself. You absolutely deserve it.