Intuition & The Reclamation of Feminine Wisdom with Andrea Leda
What if your intuition could be your secret weapon for changing the world? Seriously! What would shift if you thought about listening to your inner wisdom as a downright revolutionary act on both the personal and collective stage? In this lovely conversation with depth coach Andrea Leda, we unpack the magic and power of feminine […]
Embracing Everyday Magic with Tarot Reader & Witch Julie Miller
Whether we call it magic, prayer, intention, or simply mindfulness, there is power in how we show up in our lives. It’s often just a matter of how much we’re actually paying attention. In this delightful and seasonally appropriate conversation with tarot reader and witch Julie Miller, we talk about what it means to embrace […]
Emotional Archeology and the Joy of (Queer) Authenticity with Coach Jayme Roderick
Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot […]
Be the Weirdo Who Dares to Enjoy
If I could bottle up and sell a single magic elixir to the world, it would be a potion of self-acceptance. Because the truth is, as the LP song goes, we are all strange. And I think the world would be a kinder, more joyful, more vibrant place if we could all celebrate that instead […]
Recharging Your Batteries
While it’s easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn’t always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we’re trying […]
Guilt-free Pleasures and Chasing Your Dreams with Romance Novelist Alyssa Jarrett
Let’s talk about sex, baby! Or, talk about how reading and writing about sex is a guilt-free, shame-free political act. That’s right, in this conversation with the fabulous debut romance novelist Alyssa Jarrett we go on a wild ride about feminism, authenticity, identity, privilege, pursuing our creativity in the face of nay-sayers, and… werewolf erotica. […]
Embracing the Messy Sides of Self-love with Dawn Church
Having a big ol’ snotty cry isn’t a sign that there’s something wrong with us or that we’re somehow broken. It’s actually a radical act of self-love. Meltdowns are just the less fun, less shiny, vastly more unpleasant side of self-love, the side that most of us would prefer to avoid. Turns out, though, that […]
Take Yourself on a F*cking Date!
Come one, come all! This post applies to single folks and double folks alike! (Lol. I guess I mean married or partnered folks, but I’m often struck by the silliness of the “single” label). The premise I’m about to explore is that anyone – whether romantically attached to another human or not – can benefit from […]
Dating Is Supposed to Be FUN.
Hear ye, hear ye! The dreaded V-Day approacheth! And I come bearing reminders for self-care and self-advocacy! You DO have agency around your dating life! You DON’T have to fall into the morass of self pity and despair! There is hope – should you choose to reach for it!! Lol. But really, y’all. Dating isn’t […]
Permission to Be Unoriginal
Warning: nothing you’re about to read here will be original. It will, nevertheless, be worthwhile. (I hope). When it comes to creativity, or starting a business (which is creative, btw), or cooking, or dancing, or dating, or any number of the things we do in the world that invite our inner critic to berate us […]
Permission to Change Your Mind
Decisiveness can be a useful character trait in a lot of situations. We’re each faced with hundreds of decisions on a daily basis, so being able to quickly sift through options and take action saves us a lot of time and energy. However, decisiveness can also hold us back from self care, gentleness, and listening […]
The Necessity of Rest
At some point in your Instagram/TikTok/blogosphere journey, you’ve probably heard the pithy little aphorism: “we’re human beings, not human doings!” And maybe at some point that sounded deep, and maybe it resulted in a big ol’ eye roll. Right now, it’s feeling super eye-rolly to me. In my head, I’m going “yeah, yeah. Cool, bro. […]
What My Recovery Means to Me
Today marks 13 years since I smoked the last of my weed (July 1st, 2010) and decided to try spending 90 days entirely sober (July 2nd, 2010). As it turned out, being completely substance-free suited me really, really well – eventually. When I got sober, I didn’t really think I had a problem with alcohol. […]
Your Needs Are Not a Failing
Food, water, shelter. Safety and security. Sleep! Friendship and a sense of connection. These are all amongst the foundational needs of every person on this planet. They all fall in the first three sections of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – the premise of which (if you aren’t familiar) is that basic needs must be met before […]
Mental Health Is Something We Do – Every Day
May was mental health awareness month, so I’m a bit behind the times in writing about it. But, hey! Mental health matters all year round! It’s also something that gets talked about a lot in somewhat vague and empty ways, too often conflated with mental illness. Spoiler: they’re not the same thing. Everyone – and I […]
Happiness is Fleeting, Wholeness Persists
I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in recovery is that feelings aren’t forever – all of them. Happy, sad, afraid, elated, hopeless, irritated, confused, delighted, embarrassed, ashamed, adored… none of them are permanent states of being, and trying to make them last is an unrealistic goal. But we do try, and […]
Life Has a Speed Limit. Are You Sticking to It?
I finally got Covid last week – life’s way of stopping me in my tracks. I’m counting myself blessed that it wasn’t too bad. It did, however, bring everything in my life to a grinding halt. And a week of barely having the energy to get off the couch, let alone do ALL the things!, […]
Crying in Public Is a Service to Humanity
When was the last time you saw someone cry in real life? That is, someone other than yourself (if you’re even prone to letting yourself cry)? Has it been a while? Can you even remember a time?! I hope you can. But I rather suspect for many folks who aren’t either in recovery or working […]
If You Can’t Love Yourself, How Can You Trust That Others Do?
Despite what Instagram and TikTok and the rest of the internet might say, cultivating self-love is fucking hard to do. Being able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “damn. I’m awesome!” and then a) not cringe and b) actually mean it? That takes a lot of fucking work and patience. But it is […]
WTF Does It Mean to “Get Over” Someone?
When talking about breakups, we talk about “getting over” our exes. We talk about “moving on,” and “letting go.” But I think there’s a lot of murky ideas about what the fuck any of that actually means. And I don’t pretend to have THE answer to any of it, but I do think it’s a […]
Choosing People Who Choose You
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that being in a relationship with people is actually a choice we make on a daily basis. We are constantly choosing to show up, to engage with the people in our lives – whether those relationships are friendship or romantic partnership or even familial. (Reminder: we can opt out of […]
Stepping Into Discomfort
To be comfortable, according to ye ol’ dictionary, is to be free from vexation, doubt, stress, or tension. I.e. to be comfortable means to be free of anything that stretches or changes us in any way – because change means stepping into the unknown, stepping into the potential for doubt, stress, and vexation. In other […]
Start Talking to Yourself Like a Friend
Do you do the thing that so many of us do where you call yourself an idiot for making a minor mistake? Do you say things like “I’m so stupid,” or “I suck,” or “I’m the worst?” If so, you’re not alone. But also – please knock that shit off. Please? It’s not nice. And […]
Sh*tting on Your Ex Is Sh*tting on Yourself
Let’s be real, it can feel damn good to shit talk exes. (Anger is a stage of grief, after all). Rather than getting overwhelmed by sorrow, it can be much easier to focus on how an ex was “an asshole,” “a crazy bitch,” or “a really fucked up person.” It can feel awesome to vent […]
Everybody F*cks Up Sometimes (Ourselves Included)
Like a bunch of folks, I got caught up in Southwest Airlines’ epic fail during this years’ holiday travel. My experience wasn’t as horrible as most, though – by some sort of truly miraculous twist of fate, I made it home on Christmas morning… at 4am. It sucked. And I was real cranky about it. And […]
Moving from Fear to Love
In the past few years, I’ve made a lot of big, scary decisions. It started with the decision to leave academia – because I wanted the agency to choose where I live. Then I had to actually decide where to live and picked Portland – even though I wasn’t sure I could afford it. Then […]
What If Nobody Is Broken?
Here’s a thought to chew on: what if – in spite of all the ways you might struggle with being a human in the world – you aren’t broken? What if the people that hurt us aren’t broken? What if nobody is broken? What would that mean? Who would we be? How would letting go of […]
WTF Is Settling is Bullsh*t?
Hello, dear reader. Welcome to Settling Is Bullshit – a blog of sweary life advice for humans trying to get better at adulting. Read on to learn more about what we’re doing here.
What Do You Actually Need?
Identifying needs is probably one of the hardest things to do. It requires checking in with yourself in a deep and mindful way, which is a process that most of us never really had modeled. Instead, we get told – by society, by our family of origin, by our inner critic – that our needs are “too […]
Healthy Breakups: Holding Space for Grief & Gratitude
Preface: This post started as an Instagram caption after I spent a day at the Oregon Coast processing and grieving the end of a relationship. It was a gloriously beautiful day, and I was also incredibly sad. I got to hold space for both of those things to be true. I also discovered that Instagram […]