Expectations Are the (Other) Thief of Joy
Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other. This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing […]
Unpacking Conflict by Understanding Our Values
To live a life of purpose (or on purpose) is to live according to our values… which can be a tall order. Using our values to inform our decisions – everything from where we shop to what we buy to how we spend our time – is a pretty big ask. It takes effort, intention, […]
Nourishing Our Relationships with Active Constructive Responding
Being in relationship with anyone – friend, family, or lover – means attuning ourselves to them: paying attention to their moods and emotions, to what’s going on in the ebb and flow of their lives. And, hopefully, they do the same. A healthy relationship entails emotional reciprocity. It also requires dramatically more positive input than negative […]
What Mercury Retrograde Means (for You) with Fi Russell
It’s that time again – Mercury is going retrograde and things are going to get wacky. But if you want to have a better sense of what that actually means and how it might impact your life in particular, we are here for you! In this conversation with astrologer and energy worker Fi Russell, they […]
Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny Tryansky
Setting boundaries and practicing self-care are hard things to do – especially during the holiday season. But finding a clear sense of our actual capacity and remembering to check in with our body’s needs are important skills the whole year round. In this great conversation with personal development coach Jenny Tryansky, we explore the necessity […]
Becoming Cheerleaders for Each Other
There’s not really any such thing as succeeding on our own. We don’t live in a vacuum. Every person living a big, cool life has gotten there with help from others. And I fundamentally believe that we are here on this planet to lift each other up. It’s just shitty that in the endless news […]
Sharing Our Tenderness and Navigating Vulnerability Hangovers
Sharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most […]
The Life Changing Magic of Nonviolent Communication
It’s happened again. Somebody you care about did a thing – an inconsiderate, unkind, irresponsible, or just plain stupid thing – and it has hurt your feelings. Or made you super mad. Or caused a whole bunch of confusing emotional chaos that you really didn’t want to deal with today. Fuuuuuuck! So. Given that reality, […]
Taking “No” for an Answer
For a single-syllable, two-letter word, “no” can get pretty complicated for a lot of us. Sometimes it’s easy, straightforward, and no big deal. Sometimes it’s heartbreaking. Sometimes the prospect of hearing it is so terrifying that we don’t even ask for what we need. Regardless of whether we struggle with people-pleasing, both giving and receiving […]
Your Needs Are Not a Failing
Food, water, shelter. Safety and security. Sleep! Friendship and a sense of connection. These are all amongst the foundational needs of every person on this planet. They all fall in the first three sections of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – the premise of which (if you aren’t familiar) is that basic needs must be met before […]
Deciding People Mean Well
No matter how kind or compassionate or generous we may be, people are going to hurt us. That’s a reality of being in relation with other humans. People fuck up, and our feelings get hurt. We get angry. We sometimes retaliate, even when we don’t mean to. Everybody behaves like a jerk sometimes. Welcome to […]
When Your Brain Is a Bad Neighborhood, Call in a Friend
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re struggling with your mental health: it’s not your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing the best you can right now, and your best is good enough. Perhaps unsurprisingly after two weeks of Covid, I ended up a bit depressed. I didn’t have […]
Choosing People Who Choose You
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that being in a relationship with people is actually a choice we make on a daily basis. We are constantly choosing to show up, to engage with the people in our lives – whether those relationships are friendship or romantic partnership or even familial. (Reminder: we can opt out of […]
Start Talking to Yourself Like a Friend
Do you do the thing that so many of us do where you call yourself an idiot for making a minor mistake? Do you say things like “I’m so stupid,” or “I suck,” or “I’m the worst?” If so, you’re not alone. But also – please knock that shit off. Please? It’s not nice. And […]
WTF Is Settling is Bullsh*t?
Hello, dear reader. Welcome to Settling Is Bullshit – a blog of sweary life advice for humans trying to get better at adulting. Read on to learn more about what we’re doing here.
What Do You Actually Need?
Identifying needs is probably one of the hardest things to do. It requires checking in with yourself in a deep and mindful way, which is a process that most of us never really had modeled. Instead, we get told – by society, by our family of origin, by our inner critic – that our needs are “too […]
Hearing It Once (Probably) Isn’t Enough
74 GB. That’s how much information, on average, our brain has to filter through on a daily basis. (Or did in 2017, when the article I got the stat from was published. It’s probably even more now). So, what’s actually surprising is that we somehow think that saying or hearing something once could ever be […]