Intentions Are Better Than Goals (Especially for the New Year)

It’s a new year, same you, my love! Hurray! You are magical just as you are.

Except you’re also not the same – because SOMETHING has changed since the last new year. Even if it’s just the aches in your knees, time means something has changed. Hopefully, it’s something you wanted to change.

If it isn’t, then the new year is always a good-as-any time to start something new.

This week’s episode is a pep-talk for setting an intention for who you want to be in 2025 rather than getting lost in the details of all the goals you want to accomplish. (Though we do still love our goals. Gold stars all year!)

Have a listen as I read and reflect on the post I wrote for New Year’s 2023 (Forget Goals. Set Intentions Instead) and share about what’s changed, what hasn’t, and what I’m intending for myself and this podcast in the year ahead.

(I also admit to having been incorrect in my assumptions about how many weeks there are in a year… lol.)

Let’s all treat ourselves with humor, kindness, and compassion in the year(s) ahead!

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Transcript

[01:06] Hello friend. Happy New Year 2025 has arrived.

[01:13] I hope that you were able to carve out some rest and restoration and relaxation and nourishment at the end of 2024.

[01:23] I did that for myself and have been reading a lot about the necessity of rest and the importance of carving out space. So that is definitely gonna be something you’re gonna be hearing about.

[01:36] And specifically I started a tradition at the end of 2023 of turning off my devices on New Year’s Eve and spending the day all by myself and reflecting on all the things that happened in the prior year.

[01:52] And it was lovely. And I decided to do that again this year. And if you’ve been listening to this at all, you will know that I’m a huge fan of reflective practices and looking back on how far we’ve come and giving ourselves fucking gold stars for how much we’ve grown.

[02:10] And New Year’s is sort of an arbitrary time to do that, but I did it and it feels great. And one of the things that I thought it would be fun to look at was the post that I wrote around New Year’s last time, before this podcast even existed, when it was just a little baby blog I wrote a blog post about goals and intentions in the new year and it’s really funny to be reading it on New Year’s Day 2025 and seeing what has changed, what hasn’t changed, where my head was a year ago, how I still read things kind of obsessively.

[02:50] But I wanted to share it with you and then follow up with a little bit of reflection after I read it to you so that I get to model what it looks like to engage with reflective practices.

[03:02] And because I really stand by what I wrote in this post, there is a lot of value in focusing on intention rather than specific goals.

[03:12] I have learned that I need both things. But goals, especially New Year’s resolutions, can really fuck with us if we let them, you know, be the all important thing that then we usually fizzle out at.

[03:23] Because actually, change is really hard. Change is really hard. It happens over time and incrementally. So this is a pep talk for being gentle with ourselves at the start of a new year.

[03:34] Especially because there’s a lot of astrological nonsense going on that is indicating a slow start to the year. My hope is that soon I’m gonna have an astrologer come talk to us about shit.

[03:44] But just take my word for it, if you don’t, the stars are dictating that we should all just ease into the new year. So here is my:

Forget Goals, Set Intentions Instead.

[non-actual transcript note: if you’re not going to listen to the episode, just go read the post as properly formatted using the link above and then skip down to 11:33 mins and read my final commentary]

[04:00] Tis the season for all of us to either contemplate the merits of New Year’s resolutions or ignore them completely. And while I do absolutely love a big, exciting goal, I’m also super aware of the ways goals can lead us astray, quickly become demotivating, or result in giving up before we ever get real traction.

[04:22] How many times have you set a New Year’s resolution only to abandon it by the end of January?

[04:27] How many times have you been super pumped about a goal and been able to fully visualize how awesome it will be when you accomplish it, only to get completely demoralized when the timeline or implementation plan proved overambitious?

[04:40] Or how many times have you set your sights on an end goal and worked super duper hard to achieve it, only to finish it and then look around and ask yourself, now what?

[04:49] That’s all happened to me more than once or twice. So I want to offer an alternative, or perhaps more accurately, a both and approach to setting goals.

[04:59] I’m writing this in part because I myself am in perpetual need of a reminder to slow the fuck down. And also because I deeply believe in the power of self reflection, of setting intentions, and of believing change is possible.

[05:12] Now the title of this post is A little tongue in cheek because I’m a huge fan girl of goal setting and that’s not going to change.

[05:19] I just also think it’s important to stay centered in the thing behind the goal to remember our reasons for setting goals in the first place. Whether you’re listening to this around the turn of the year or sometime down the road, I’m inviting you to consider what you want for yourself in the next year or six months or six weeks.

[05:36] To think about both the what, the goals, and importantly the why, the intention, how goals can go wrong for context, I’m a very goal oriented human. I’m deeply motivated by shiny objects, digital badges, and any sort of streak tracking.

[05:53] And if that’s you too, then rest assured I’m not trying to talk you out of setting goals for yourself. This post is more of an opportunity to take stock how are our goals serving us and how are they becoming a distraction from what we’re actually trying to accomplish?

[06:08] Case in point, I started using Goodreads in 2023 and set a goal of reading 100 books, which I did. 104 to be precise.

[06:18] And frankly, y’all, that’s not a humble brag. It’s an acknowledgement that having achieved my goal, I suddenly realized that setting the bar at that arbitrary round number was actually kind of nuts.

[06:29] That’s roughly two books a week, and to be honest, I plowed through many of those books purely for the sake of finishing them and getting my credit. I do most of my reading via audiobook and listened to everything this year at a minimum of 1.3

[06:42] speed, sometimes up to 1.7.

[06:45] And I kind of forgot that the point of reading isn’t just to have read a book, it’s to enjoy reading it.

[06:52] And my capacity to actually savor something is doubtful when I’m running through it at breaknetsk speed.

[06:59] Similarly, the point of a goal isn’t generally to have done the thing, rather it’s in who we get to be or become in achieving it. The outcome isn’t actually the point.

[07:09] Having read 100 books in a single year doesn’t mean anything if I’m not really paying attention to what I’m reading.

[07:14] Yes, I am making a point about journey over destination here, about process over product, and about being present with what we’re doing.

[07:23] Being versus doing.

[07:26] Most of the time, goals are about doing shit. We look ahead of us and think about all the shit we want to get done between now and next year, or next month or next week.

[07:34] We take on 30 day something or other challenges with the goal of doing the thing or not doing the thing every day. We set arbitrary numbers as our target for success, reading X number of books, running X number of miles, meditating x number of minutes.

[07:48] But all of that can gloss over the point of setting goals in the first place to help us become the person we want to be.

[07:55] In Atomic Habits, a book that deeply informs my approach to life, this podcast and everything James Clear talks about shifting our focus away from goals and instead contemplating the type of person we want to be or become.

[08:08] Goals don’t really leave you with anywhere to go after achieving them. It’s why many of us achieve our goals and then end up feeling kind of bereft afterward. It’s why we finish one thing and then immediately pick the next thing to work towards.

[08:19] Running a 5k is a goal. It’s a great one. It’s how I started running in the first place.

[08:25] Then, because I’m extra and used to need to prove things to myself, I wanted to run a half marathon, then a full. Now I’m trying to run a half marathon in all 50 states, which is a super cool goal and also kind of bananas and post 100 book nonsense.

[08:39] I’ve been thinking about the ways in which I can get really wrapped up in achieving the goal and lose track of the point of setting it. Why run a half in all 50 states?

[08:48] Because it’s a cool round number. Yeah, because I’m a completist sometimes.

[08:54] But when I stopped to think about it recently, the point is because I want to actually see, experience and get to know at least one city in every state. An aspect of my goal that I have definitely lost track of when just trying to get things checked off my list.

[09:08] Sorry, Minnesota and Ohio. I did you a disservice.

[09:12] I want to be a long distance runner, which doesn’t actually require races, just persistence and mileage. I also want to be a good traveler. I want to be curious about the world and the places I go.

[09:23] I want to be present and savor the experience, not just plow through like I have somewhere else to be or show up solely so I can tick a box that I’ve been there setting intentions instead of goals.

[09:36] So thinking about the shit you want for yourself in the year ahead, start by asking who will I get to be in working toward these things?

[09:44] What’s my intention for trying to achieve or acquire them?

[09:48] How will this serve my higher self?

[09:51] Instead of focusing on the end goal, on the number or the outcome, let’s get centered in our why?

[09:57] Why do I want to read so many books? Because I want to be a lifelong learner.

[10:02] Why do I want to earn or save that much money?

[10:05] Because I want to be responsible with my money. Why Do I want to floss every day?

[10:10] Lol. I don’t. Flossing is terrible. But I do want to be someone who honors her body, which means taking care of it even when I don’t want to.

[10:19] Of course, goals can serve as an excellent benchmark for whether or how much progress we’re making on who we want to be in the world. They can absolutely help to support our underlying intentions.

[10:30] I’m just encouraging us to, as Simon Sinek tells us, start with why. Want to be healthier? Then exercise goals or food tracking can really serve that intention.

[10:41] Want to be of service? Then tracking volunteer hours or signing up for a weekly or monthly commitment can support that intention.

[10:49] Want to be more present? Meditation apps or challenges will absolutely help you get there. The trick is finding the balance between setting goals that are both aspirational and realistic. If we set the bar too high, we fall on our face.

[11:03] If we set it too low, we aren’t really giving ourselves the opportunity to grow into our fullness. But it all starts with who we’re trying to become. How do you want to stretch and grow?

[11:12] What greater purpose will that serve? What will it let you do? Offer? Provide that will benefit both you and those you love.

[11:21] Will setting this intention allow you to be a more authentic, vibrant, and joyful version of yourself?

[11:27] If the answer is fuck yes, then I’m here for it. Friends. 100%.

Post-reading, Reflection/Commentary

[11:33] Oh my goodness.

[11:35] I so enjoy looking back on that. And like I said, I really stand behind that and it’s applicable to me this year as much as it was last year.

[11:43] And what’s real funny is I wrote that. And after writing it, I set a very reasonable Goodreads goal of reading 56 books this year.

[11:56] And I achieved that back in like June. I don’t even know. I think I’m a hundred book a year person. But the urgency around getting it checked off dissipated and I gave myself a lot more permission to abandon books that I was not enjoying this year.

[12:13] And I think that’s the treat of reflective practices especially. And that whether it’s New Year’s or solstices or equinoxes or birthdays, really taking the time to pause and look backward and say, okay, what has changed?

[12:29] What hasn’t changed? What do I want to do about that?

[12:33] And I similarly only ran one half marathon last year, which was a lot lower than historically because I’m not as interested in just plowing through. And I’m also not quite as invested in that goal as I was.

[12:49] I’m not sure if I’m going to stick with it, and that’s okay, too. So sometimes reflective practices are also really about checking in with, like, do I still want the thing that I thought I wanted?

[13:00] Especially when it comes to, like, bigger goals or, like, long term projects.

[13:07] Part of my reflective practice in the last few weeks has been realizing that, like, I’m gonna be shaking some things up, really shifting my coaching practice, probably renaming that business, and letting go of kind of what I thought I was doing and making space for doing something new.

[13:28] So I really hope that you are entering into 2025 with a sense of compassion for yourself, a sense of pride or achievement for what you did accomplish in 2024, because you survived a whole year.

[13:45] And even if things are shitty right now, something good happened last year, and it’s important to acknowledge that. I love the question, what are you proud of in the last year?

[13:56] For me, I’m fucking real proud of getting this podcast off the ground and staying consistent with it.

[14:02] I’m real proud of the ways in which I had to learn the hard way to carve out space and really give myself the downtime that I need. Again, that is gonna be a big theme of 2025 for me, which is appropriate because numerologically and tarot wise, we are entering a nine year.

[14:24] 2025 is a nine year, and that means it’s the year of the hermit. And it means it’s the year of turning inward and getting clear on what is true for us as individuals and how that impacts how we’re showing up in the world.

[14:40] And so as we enter into what’s gonna be like a big, hard, you know, potentially kind of fucked up year, given the political climate and just all the shit that’s ahead of us, I really encourage you to, even if it’s only for like a few minutes, sit down and be like, okay, what were the gifts of 2024?

[14:60] What am I proud of? What brought me joy, and who do I want to be in 2025? What do I want to bring forward? You know, simple exercise that I did in my journal this morning is, you know, that idea of like, what do I want to start, what do I want to stop, and what do I want to continue?

[15:16] So it doesn’t have to be a big ceremonial, several hours by the fire type thing, even though that’s absolutely my jam and would love it if all of us took more time by the fire to nourish and honor ourselves in ceremonial ways, really just like taking a few minutes to be like, okay, let’s pause.

[15:38] I’M increasingly becoming a fan of the pause, even though it is super hard for my little ADHD self, my little entrepreneur self.

[15:49] But I’ve been reading a lot of really yummy books that you’re going to be hearing about and so, yeah, spoiler, we’re going to be talking about slowing down a lot this year.

[16:00] So I am sending you so much love and vibrance and hope and joy for 2025.

[16:07] Thank you for being a part of this journey with me.

[16:10] I’ll be so curious to hear about how you’ve grown, to talk about how I continue to grow.

[16:19] Because that’s the thing. Time keeps on ticking into the future and we keep evolving. Like it or not, kids.

[16:27] All right, much love and stay tuned for an episode about intuition next week.

[16:36] P.S. after recording and editing this episode and getting it almost ready to send out, I was making breakfast and realized that there are 52 weeks in the year, not 56.

[16:49] And rather than going back and re recording that, I’m going to include it because I think it’s funny and cute that my little brain thought that there were 56 weeks in the year and that was what I set my Goodreads goal around.

[17:03] And it’s kind of no wonder that there was a lot of overdoing it last year. Apparently I thought I had four more weeks of time than I actually did.

[17:15] Yeah. So if you caught that, awesome. If you didn’t, guess what, I make mistakes and can laugh about it. And I just want to model that because I want that to be true for everyone.

[17:30] Like, what if we could all just like go through the world and not make such a big deal when we make a mistake or we think that there are too many weeks in the year.

[17:42] So here’s to the 52 weeks in 2025 being good ones!