Forget Goals. Set Intentions Instead.

‘Tis the season for all of us to either contemplate the merits of New Year’s resolutions or ignore them completely. And while I do absolutely love a big, exciting goal, I’m also super aware of the ways goals can lead us astray, quickly become demotivating, or result in giving up before we ever get real traction. 

How many times have you set a New Year’s resolution only to abandon it by the end of January? How many times have you been super pumped about a goal and been able to fully visualize how awesome it will be when you accomplish it, only to get completely demoralized when the timeline or implementation plan proved over-ambitious?

Or, how many times have you set your sights on an end-goal and worked super duper hard to achieve it, only to finish it and then look around and ask yourself, “now what?”

That’s all happened to me, more than once or twice. So, I want to offer an alternative, or, perhaps more accurately, a both/and approach to setting goals. I’m writing this in part because I, myself, am in perpetual need of a reminder to slow the fuck down. And also, because I deeply believe in the power of self-reflection, of setting intentions, and of believing change is possible. 

Now, the title of this post is a little tongue-in-cheek because I’m a huge fan-girl of goal setting, and that’s not going to change. I just also think it’s important to stay centered in the thing behind the goal, to remember our reasons for setting goals in the first place.

Whether you’re reading this around the turn of the year or sometime down the road, I’m inviting you to consider what you want for yourself in the next year, or six months, or six weeks – to think about both the what (the goals) and, importantly, the why (the intention).

How Goals Can Go Wrong

For context, I am a very goal-oriented human. I’m deeply motivated by shiny objects, digital badges, and any sort of streak tracking. And if that’s you, too, then rest assured, I’m not trying to talk you out of setting goals for yourself. This post is more of an opportunity to take stock. 

How are our goals serving us? And how are they becoming a distraction from what we’re actually trying to accomplish?

Case in point: I started using Goodreads this year and set a goal of reading 100 books – which I did (104, to be precise). And frankly, y’all, that’s not a humble brag. It’s an acknowledgment that, having achieved my goal, I suddenly realized that setting the bar at that arbitrary round number was actually kind of nuts. That’s roughly two books a week. And, to be honest, I plowed through many of those books purely for the sake of finishing them and getting my “credit.” I do most of my reading via audiobook and listened to everything this year at a minimum of 1.3x speed, sometimes up to 1.7! And I kind of forgot that the point of reading isn’t just to have read a book – it’s to enjoy reading it. And my capacity to actually savor something is doubtful when I’m running through it at breakneck speed.

Similarly, the point of a goal isn’t generally to have done the thing, rather it’s in who we get to be or become in achieving it. The outcome isn’t actually the point. Having read 100 books in a single year doesn’t mean anything if I’m not really paying attention to what I’m reading. 

Yes, I am making a point about journey over destination here, about process over product, and about being present with what we’re doing. 

Being vs. Doing

Most of the time, goals are about doing shit. We look ahead of us and think about all the shit we want to get done between now and next year, or next month, or next week. We take on 30-day something-or-other challenges with the goal of doing the thing (or not doing the thing) every day. We set arbitrary numbers as our target for success – reading X number of books, running X number of miles, meditating X number of minutes. 

But all of that can gloss over the point of setting goals in the first place: to help us become the person we want to be.

In Atomic Habits (a book that deeply informs my approach to life, this blog, and everything), James Clear talks about shifting our focus away from goals and instead contemplating the type of person we want to be (or become).

Goals don’t really leave you with anywhere to go after achieving them. It’s why many of us achieve our goals and then end up feeling kind of bereft afterward. It’s why we finish one thing and then immediately pick the next thing to work towards.

Running a 5k is a goal. It’s a great one! It’s how I started running in the first place. Then, because I’m extra and used to need to prove things to myself, I wanted to run a half marathon. Then a full. Now, I’m trying to run a half marathon in all 50 states – which is a super cool goal and also kind of bananas. And post-100 book nonsense, I’ve been thinking about the ways in which I can get really wrapped up in achieving the goal and lose track of the point of setting it.

Why run a half in all 50 states? Because it’s a cool, round number? Yeah. Because I’m a completist? Sometimes. But when I stopped to think about it recently, the point is because I want to actually see, experience, and get to know at least one city in every state – an aspect of my goal that I have definitely lost track of when just trying to get things checked off my list (sorry Minnesota and Ohio, I did you a disservice). 

I want to be a long distance runner – which doesn’t actually require races, just persistence and mileage. 

I also want to be a good traveler. I want to be curious about the world and the places I go. I want to be present and savor the experience, not just plow through like I have somewhere else to be or show up solely so I can tick a box that I’ve been there. 

Setting Intentions Instead of Goals

So, thinking about the shit that you want for yourself in the year ahead, start by asking: who will I get to be in working toward these things? What’s my intention for trying to achieve or acquire them? How will this serve my higher self?

Instead of focusing on the end-goal, on the number or the outcome, let’s get centered in our why: 

• Why do I want to read so many books? Because I want to be a lifelong learner.
• Why do I want to earn or save that much money? Because I want to be responsible with my money.
• Why do I want to floss every day? Lol! I don’t! Flossing is terrible. But I do want to be someone who honors her body – which means taking care of it even when I don’t want to. 

Of course, goals can serve as an excellent benchmark for whether or how much progress we’re making on who we want to be in the world. They can absolutely help to support our underlying intentions. I’m just encouraging us to, as Simon Sinek tells us, start with why.

Want to be healthier? Then exercise goals or food tracking goals can really serve that intention.

Want to be of service? Then tracking volunteer hours or signing up for a weekly or monthly commitment can support that intention.

Want to be more present? Meditation apps or challenges will absolutely help you get there.

The trick is finding the balance between setting goals that are both aspirational and realistic. If we set the bar too high, we fall on our face. If we set it too low, we aren’t really giving ourselves the opportunity to grow into our fullness. 

But it all starts with who we’re trying to become. 

How do you want to stretch and grow? What greater purpose will that serve? What will it let you do, offer, provide that will benefit both you and those you love?

Will setting this intention allow you to be a more authentic, vibrant, and joyful version of yourself? If the answer is fuck yes, then, I’m here for it, friends! 100%.