Give Yourself a F**king Break

I’m writing this from Mexico City – which is important context since I’m on day four of an eight day trip and have cried at least once (if not multiple times) every day for the last three days. And the shitty voice in my head wants to be a dick to me about that, so I’m writing this blog instead. Because I need to give myself a fucking break, but writing in the second person is more psychologically persuasive. (Seriously, it’s science).

Here’s the rundown on what’s been going on the past few days: I worked nine days straight and ran myself ragged trying to get everything done in order to go on vacation for three weeks. Then I forgot my sleep meds at home (that are also a mild antidepressant). My big brother and I made it without incident to Mexico City, we walked 12 miles the first day, 14 the second day and stayed out very late going to an awesome lucha libre match, then got up very early the next morning and toured three different local markets containing about a billion people/sounds/smells/things to look at. I barely got 6 hours of sleep for three nights running, and I have ADHD and CPTSD, which makes my nervous system go haywire when overstimulated. So, yeah, I’m a little fucking fried. And that’s okay. It has to be.

[Here’s where I’m going to switch to second person pronouns and give myself the god damn pep talk I deserve – and you do, too]

Being Hard on Yourself Just Makes It Worse

Vacations are supposed to be fun, right? You’re “supposed” to feel filled with joy and excitement and happy shiny la la la-ness or else you’re doing it wrong. You’re not supposed to spend half of your third day basically catatonic on the couch, knitting and binge watching Netflix. If you do that, you’re “wasting” your time in an amazing city on this once in a lifetime trip that you’ll never get to do again and how could you watch Netflix instead of going to that other museum that everyone knows is absolutely amazing??

OMFG, shut the fuck up, you asshole of a brain!

Travel, vacation, or even just a regular-ass week in your life – you get to decide what you want it to be. You get to decide how to take care of yourself at any given moment. And most of the time, pushing yourself harder is not the answer. Squeezing in one more sight or event or person to see or thing to eat when your system is already telling you it’s fully saturated isn’t actually going to make things better. It won’t make you enjoy any of it more. It won’t make it a more memorable experience (at least not in a good way). And it definitely won’t make you look back on the day/week/moment and admire how well you took care of yourself.

Start Noticing the Supposed-To’s

Even if you’re not on vacation right now, given that it’s the holiday season, you’re probably also doing battle with a lot of supposed-to’s [I’m taking liberty with the hyphenation here for the sake of creating a compound noun]:

Time with family is supposed to be good/happy/pleasant. And you’re definitely supposed to want to spend time with them.

You’re supposed to have all of your incredibly thoughtful gifts purchased and wrapped and ready to go by now. 

You’re supposed to be filled with holiday cheer and plenty of energy for all the demands on your time and attention.

You’re supposed to have decorations up.

You’re supposed to have all your work done and all your shit together and be able to just have a good fucking time because that’s what this time of year is all about.

Ugh. Fuck all that noise.

Any time you’re falling prey to a “supposed-to,” you’re sacrificing your joy on the altar of old ideas. Supposed-to’s are rules we make up for ourselves (or society or our family-of-origin imprints into us without our noticing) that run our lives in ways that can be super counter-productive. 

And the only way to combat them and their tyranny over us is to notice them in the first place. So, if you’re feeling stressed or exhausted or burnt out or depleted or confused or frustrated or just really god damn tired – pause and check in around what kind of supposed-to’s are trying to drive the bus. 

What are the rules you’ve got about how you’re supposed to be/feel/act right now? 

What arbitrary bars have you set for yourself that you aren’t measuring up to? 

And what would it feel like to set that shit aside, move those bars to more reasonable distances, and give yourself a fucking break?

You deserve a break. We all do.

Where You Are Is Good Enough

You’re doing the best you can. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are. If you could do better right now, you would.

So, for my sake and for yours, be nice to my friend. (I’m talking about you, btw – if you’re reading this, we’re friends. Maybe not literally since apparently I’ve picked up a couple of followers I’ve never met before – thank you!! I love you! – but this blog is meant for anyone who needs an occasional pep talk. And so, my friend, I want you to be nice to yourself. Please.)

A long time ago, I picked up this little prayer that has helped me through a lot of tough times. If you’re not religious, think of it as an affirmation or mantra or just an intention you want to set. It doesn’t matter. The universe is waaaaaay too big to care what you think of it. What matters is that we try to be easier on ourselves, to be nicer to ourselves, to set the intention of gentleness. 

So, here’s my offering to you today – a little prayer of gentleness. A request to give yourself the fucking break you deserve. I hope it helps. Writing this has made me feel a lot better – even if I end up crying in another restaurant bathroom again tomorrow.

God, grant me the willingness to do my best today and the serenity to believe it’s good enough.