Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot of trial and error, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to get one step closer to learning what we do.
In this magical conversation with one of my very favorite humans, we talk about Jayme’s journey of gender identity, the long process of getting to know ourselves, and the joy and freedom that come from embracing all of our various parts in all of their messy and glorious fullness.
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In this episode we talk about:
- Emotional archeology and the long process of self-discovery
- The impact of childhood trauma and the freedom and gifts of recovering from it
- Gender identity and Jayme’s journey with transitioning and then choosing not to transition
- The joy of being fully and wholly yourself – once you figure out who that is
- Letting go of the idea of “failure” and treating all experiences as valid and supportive in finding our way
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Resources, References, and Links:
Co-Active Coach Training. Jayme and I met during our intermediate coursework with Co-Active. We both bring this model into our coaching: playing with metaphor, emphasizing the balance between being and doing, and turning within to find your answers.
Elizabeth Peters. I grew up listening to audiobooks of her cozy mystery series following Amelia Peabody – a strong-willed female Egyptologist in the Victorian era.
Indiana Jones. My second great love of fictional archeology came from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. This is probably also responsible for my desire to be a college professor.
Walt Whitman – “I contain multitudes.” This line comes from Song of Myself, 51.
EXERCISE: make a list of accomplishments. Especially if you’re trying to pump yourself up to make some big changes or do something you’ve been dreaming about, sit down and make a list of 50 (or 100!) things you’ve done in your life that you are proud of. Anything counts! It can be as seemingly minor as the time you didn’t check your ex’s social media to the time you won a spelling bee or ran a 5k.
Hopscotch. Admittedly, this may not require a note, but you never know! With the death of cursive, I have no clue what they teach kids these days.
HRT. Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is a step in the process of medically transitioning.
Non-binary. There are a lot of resources all over, but here is an article from the LGBT Foundation explaining what it means.
College professor. After graduating from the University of Texas at Austin with my PhD in rhetoric, I got a tenure-track job teaching at a small liberal arts college in South Carolina. The job was wonderful, my colleagues were great, my students were great, and I had every reason to believe I would have gotten tenure. But I couldn’t seem to make life outside of work any better than mediocre.
Living on fear. I write about fear a lot, but this post – “Moving from Fear to Love” – does a good job capturing my general sentiments.
Great British Baking Show. AKA The Great British Bake Off (in Britain). So, so good. For so many reasons that aren’t just baking-related. But mainly, I think what sets this show apart is the fact that the contestants don’t actually win anything other than a cake stand. No prize money. No official special treatment. Just the knowledge that they won on their merit alone.
“Healthy Breakups: Holding Space for Grief and Gratitude.” The post that started the blog and captures my sentiments during a time of deep heartache and tremendous growth.
Parts work. There are a number of therapeutic approaches that use parts work as a tool for healing, and this is a topic that comes up a lot on this podcast and in my writing. “What Is Parts Work”
Serenity Prayer. I actually didn’t know about the long form of the serenity prayer until Jayme brought this up!
Body dysmorphia. In the way I typically use this term, I’m referring to the ways that we have a distorted perception of our own bodies and perceived flaws. In other words, we aren’t able to have an accurate perspective on our bodies and/or feel repulsed by our own bodies. It’s bad, y’all. And distressingly pervasive.
Monarchs in the Michoacán. Millions of butterflies migrate every year.
Ninth step promises. In 12-step recovery, step nine involves making amends to those we have harmed. The literature offers a series of “promises” of what will come to pass if we are thorough in this process/step work.
Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke. Really enjoyed this book by professional poker player turned author and speaker.
What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry. My favorite book on trauma (if that’s a thing). It seems weird to have a favorite book on trauma, but this one is super accessible.
Unmasking. Masking is the idea of hiding our true feelings or emotions (or internal reactions to situations). It’s a way of keeping ourselves safe in social situations, and it can also be incredibly draining. Unmasking means letting ourselves and our genuine reactions be heard and seen.
Transcript
Note: typical caveat here that this was generated by AI and so there are some inaccuracies, but it will definitely give you the gist!
Cate Blouke: Hello, friend.
Jayme Roderick: Hi, friends.
Cate Blouke: Friends, listeners. Beautiful human across the table from me, I am here with the absolutely marvelously sparkly, fabulous Jayme Roderick. They/them pronouns. Coach extraordinaire, delightful human, dear to my heart, friend. And we are going to talk about a bunch of awesome shit today.
Jayme Roderick: I’m excited. I’m excited to talk about awesome shit that’s actually being recorded because we talk about awesome shit all the time.
Cate Blouke: We do talk about awesome shit all the time. Cause we were both coaches. We came up through the co-active coach training together. That’s how we met and became soul siblings. And, I mean, again, we talk about awesome shit all the time. So I was like, obviously, we gotta get Jayme on this podcast. And, you know, one of the many things I love about you is just, like, how your sort of beautiful presence and aura inspires me and inspires other people and the ways in which you are so yourself.
Jayme Roderick: Thank you.
Cate Blouke: In a way that I can relate to that people find inspiring when we can show up as authentically and fully and embodiedly ourselves. People see it and they’re like, oh, my God, I want me some of that.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, you do the same. You do the same for me. And I see you do the same in the places we’ve been together. And thank you so much for that. It’s nice to hear and accept and receive, because that has not always been true. So it’s really lovely to look you in the eye and have you say all of that and have me be like, oh, that’s true. And thank you.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, I love it. Accepting compliments, owning our stuff, and, like, the awareness that this is a post midlife accomplishment for both of us. Right? Like, we did not start out in our lives just being like, oh, I’m awesome. It’s fine.
Jayme Roderick: No, I think latent learner is the term that comes to mind for me. And, yeah, what a journey it’s been. But to finally find it, finally find, like, who I am, what I am, where I want to stand in this world is astounding. And I. Yeah, yeah.
Cate Blouke: Okay, so what’s the it? Where. Where do you want to stand, my love? Where are you standing today?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, I stand in joy. I stand in freedom. And sometimes those are aspirational, and sometimes those are solidly beneath me. And right now, because I’m with you and I’m doing this for people to listen, is when I completely can stand in my joy. I just want to give myself away now.
Cate Blouke: Oh, what do you want to give away? What do you want to give to our listeners today?
Jayme Roderick: Joy. Freedom of your very own. And all the archaeology, all the emotional archaeology that that entails. yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it ain’t no…
Cate Blouke: Ooh, emotional archeology. Tell me more. What does that mean?
Jayme Roderick: Emotional archaeology is being available to yourself in all the ways that you show up. Even when they’re crummy and they feel guilty or sad or angry and being able to be with that and then dust it off a little and see what the gem is under that and then dust it off a little more and then see what’s underneath that. And then you find like something sparkly and shiny and unique and you, and you then hold it tight and you live it.
Cate Blouke: Ah, yes. Amen, sister. Okay. I fucking love this metaphor. It’s beautiful. It’s amazing. Can you give me an example of that from your lived experience?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, it’s… sure. So, I’m in recovery. I’ve been in recovery for nine years.
Cate Blouke: Woohoo.
Jayme Roderick: That might be where it started. I had a relationship that fell apart after eleven years and I had to go away and find myself. And while I was away, I learned of recovery and I learned of therapy, and that’s where I’ve been for the last nine years.
And in that is just the slow dusting off of what doesn’t belong anymore. What old stories I’ve been telling myself, what traps I’ve been in, what traps I’ve told myself. It’s just this joyous, hard, challenging, beautiful reckoning with yourself to get to the juice of yourself.
And mine started in recovery, and my queerness is part of this archaeology. I’ve covered a bit of the LGBTQ+ community all in my own.
It’s just – I’ve always been an introspective person and I’ve always been like, what’s that? Do I want that? Do I not want that? And so now I just kind of hang out there.
Cate Blouke: What I love about this analogy, this metaphor, whatever you want to call it, is, I mean, A) I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was younger, so there’s like an element of that that is delightful to me. But mostly,
Jayme Roderick: I think you are an emotional archaeologist too.
Cate Blouke: I love that. I’m gonna own that. Yes, yes, I am.
But a real arch- like excavation… Elizabeth Peters is an author who has this series of this Egyptologist. And I was like, oh my God, I want to be an Egyptologist. I also loved Indiana Jones. I was like, yes, give me this. And then I got older and was like, oh God, that seems so slow and boring and dusty and hard…
Which is why I love this metaphor, right? Because emotional archaeology is really a slow and uncomfortable, and you gotta be careful. You can’t just… in real archaeology, you can’t just take a backhoe and be like, I’m gonna dig a giant hole and get to the bottom of this, because then you could fuck shit up. So you have to like do it by hand.
Jayme Roderick: They use a brush, right? I mean, they use like a little brush that looks like the brush that my father used on the barbecue, you know, to brush barbecue sauce on the chicken. It was like, you need a brush. Like that’s some slow shit.
Cate Blouke: Exactly.
Jayme Roderick: Patience, my friend, patience, right.
Cate Blouke: Patience. So what I’m hearing in all of this, right, is this idea of like in the process of self-discovery, in the process of becoming the people that we want to be and that we can really shine as is that it’s a slow, patient, time taking process.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, yeah, it is. And so it’s so worth it. It’s so worth it to stand in this place and feel myself, feel so authentically myself in so many ways. Like in my recovery self, in all the things I’ve discovered about myself in therapy and my queerness. It’s so lovely to be here. And, yeah, so the hard work is always worth it as far as I’m concerned.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. So, who are you now?
Jayme Roderick: Mm. Who am I now? I am. I contain multitudes. I’m gonna steal from Walt Whitman right now and just, I just do. I feel so, so much larger than I ever have allowed myself or felt like I’ve been allowed to feel in my life.
Cate Blouke: Well, okay, but let’s backtrack a little bit. Like, who have you been? How did we get to who you are now?
Jayme Roderick: Oh, well, once upon a time, yeah… So I also suffered trauma as a kid. And so there’s just a lot of pieces of that. Like from the time I was four till I was about 15, I suffered physical, emotional, sexual abuse and then covered it all up as best I could for as long as I could. My twenties and thirties. And then finally in my forties, I had to do something about it.
And that’s where I sort of fell apart and went, went away and found out who I was. And that’s been part of my story and it’s been part of what’s kept me small. And trauma can keep us small and hidden and unavailable. And so now, though, I hold it firmly and gently, but it’s not on me anymore. It’s apart from me.
Cate Blouke: So what did that in your twenties and thirties, that covering it up, that sort of shutting it down. Who were you then as a result of that? What did that do to you?
Jayme Roderick: I didn’t have goals or ambitions. I mean, back at high school, I didn’t study in high school. I didn’t finish reading a book until I was a junior in high school. It’s so long ago. I had a girlfriend for six months. I mean, you know, like, I was doing some things that some book had written about how a person’s supposed to be in the world, and I think I couldn’t even follow suit with that.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. What shifted? Like, what was the process of giving yourself the permission, allowing yourself to get just a little bit closer to those things?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. And, like, theater comes to mind because I did, I performed for a long while. I wanted to express myself on a stage. Like, it wasn’t because I didn’t express myself anywhere else, but it felt like the people that I really admired were able to actually express themselves as large as I felt I had in me on a stage. And I was like, I need to be able to do that. When you bottle yourself up so much, it has to come out somewhere. My therapist would say it comes out sideways if you don’t deal with it. And I didn’t want it to come out sideways. I just wanted it to come out in some beautiful way. And so it just had to, like, fill up in me until I’d pop.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. So what did that open up for you? Oh, gosh.
Jayme Roderick: What did that open up? Well, it took me a really long time. It took me another probably 30 years to look back.
You know, I was like, why am I not the person I want to be? And I went, oh, you’ve always had a creative outlet. You’ve always painted, you’ve always drawn, you were an art major, you have an MFA in poetry. I forget that. I forget that. I mean, I love that. That actually just reoccurred to me. I have an MFA in poetry and I’ve published poetry. I did drag for over a decade in San Francisco. I have always had a creative outlet, ever since I was twelve.
And so the problem was I would deny myself, the remembering that I would do all that. It was like, I do it, I was gonna play, but then forget about it and go back and be small. And so now, and when you get a little recovery or a little sense of yourself, or I did, I was like, oh, shit, look at that. I did that and I could be proud of that. Yeah.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. One of the exercises I like to do with clients and that I’ve done myself. When I’m in those moments of forgetting, of feeling small, of not believing that I can do, the thing that’s ahead of me that I haven’t done before is to go back and, like, make a fucking list of my accomplishments, right? Like, make a list of the things that I have done that I am proud of. I did that sometime in the last couple of months, actually, before I launched this fucking podcast. Cause I was like, oh, God, it’s a podcast. This is gonna be hard. I don’t know if I can do it. And I was like, okay, let me have my yes girl, yes moment. And I wrote out a list of 100 things I have done in my life that I am proud of. And there’s just so much power in that remembering.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. And there’s so much available in that remembering. And then really, like, with my clients, that I want them to actually have it embodied. Right. Where do you feel that in your heart? Where do you feel that in your body? Cause you want to hold on to that. I want to hold on to that because I’ve noticed that life is a bit like swimming upstream all the time, and I need all those metaphors and joys and moments of accomplishment and that list and my gratitude list at night. And I need. I need all this stuff to carry with me in my body and my heart and my soul and my spirit to just move me where I know I can get to. And so that’s something. What I hear in what you said that you do with your clients is just to have them remember and then have them be able to access that at any time.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, yeah. I’m big on, like, writing shit down with your hand on a piece of paper, and then you have it, and then you can pull it out. Right. Like, I’m a very tactile person, and I love that. And as you were sharing, I was just sort of, like, getting this, like, vision of, I don’t know, going on safari or whatever and having one of those vests with all the pockets, and I got all these things with me at all times that I can access.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, I love that. Cause I hear you. Getting back to the metaphor of the emotional archaeology, I’d like to think that my outfit is probably purple. It’s rainbow. It’s definitely got lots of pockets, and it’s got a safari hat. But there’s some flair, definitely, to the outfit.
Cate Blouke: Oh, yeah.
Jayme Roderick: I want to clarify that for our listeners. Yeah. That’s also part of being expressive is what is on the inside of you. Gets to come outward. And that sometimes is represented by how we dress, how we decorate our homes, what cars we drive, how we skip to work. I think we were out yesterday, and I did hopscotch. You were like, what’s happening behind me? And there was this. There was hopscotch chalk on the ground. And I made a pact with myself years ago that I was like, every time there’s a hopscotch on the ground, I’m going to do it. Because it brings me right back to my. Some joy of childhood. And that’s part of my expression. I loved skipping as a kid. Adults don’t skip anymore. But damn it, we should.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. Every once in a while, I will skip down the sidewalk, and I’m like, there’s that part of me, the old part of me, that is like, I would say, you know, I don’t know how. Let’s say a decade ago, I would have been way too self conscious to do that, right? I’d be like, adults don’t skip. What am I doing? And now I’m just like, hey, this is fun for me. And if I saw somebody fucking like, a grown ass person skipping down the road, like, I would smile at that. It would delight me. And so instead of being so wrapped up in, like, oh, no, what are people going to think? I’m like, oh, this is fun for me. We’ll probably make someone smile. But also, I don’t actually care.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, yeah. But you know, what you’re bringing up for me right now is, like, how we can inspire people by stepping into our own authenticity. It inspires other people to do that, too. When other people are small and, I don’t know, wear khaki pants and blue shirts to work every day. Like, everyone thinks they have to do that. But when people show up as their authentic self, it can be off putting to some, but it’s super fucking inspiring to a great many, whether they say something or not. And that’s been a lot of my own journey and especially around my own, my own queerness. You know, earlier, we mentioned, or I mentioned that I’ve been part of the LGBTQ community. And a few years ago, for a solid year, I was on HRT, hormone replacement therapy, because I had had panic attacks about being trans. And, like, I needed to be poked hard. I just needed, like, get yourself to a gender specialist and go investigate that.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. So. So what happened? How did you go from, you know, I am. I am a queer boy.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. So I identified as a gay person, a gay male, most of my life, and tried to come out when I was twelve, didn’t go over well with mom, so kept that quiet, tried again when I was 18, kept that not really quiet, but sort of was still kind of closeted and slowly was trying to come out and then finally was just solidly gay boy. People can accept it or not for a great. A couple of decades. And then a few years ago, I came out as non binary. I just, I got tired of not being able to claim all parts of myself. The part of me that loved playing hopscotch, the part of me that played with all the girls when I was in elementary school and loved jacks and jump rope and double Dutch and foursquare and wearing some of my sister’s clothes and then having to laugh it off when I was about twelve, but now I was like, no, it’s not funny, it’s real. And I love this and I look great in this outfit and I want to own all that. And so I, I remember just how do I do that? And so coming out is what I call gender free, because it’s a positive phrase of nonbinary. It’s not what I’m not non binary, it’s what I am. And that is gender free. Free to express myself. And then I didn’t think I was done. I just remember talking to friends and saying, I don’t know that my gender journey is done. I had had panic attacks and finally I went to the gender specialist. Luckily, I live in San Francisco and he was a block away, so that made that really easy. And then I continued this journey on HRT and then realized that ultimately wasn’t what I wanted either. And so I’ve returned to nonbinary land and just sit really beautifully, comfortably in how expansive I feel and how expressive I get to be inside and outside. Mostly it’s an inside job. I mean, all of, all of this, just to highlight all of this is an inside job.
Cate Blouke: All of everything, inside job.
Jayme Roderick: And whatever safari hat I put on is, you know, the outside expression of that. But it’s all an inside job. And it’s taken a lot to just be on that journey and it still just continues to unfold, but it’s, oh, but it’s now what I get to give to other people. I had a friend who had a child who came out to them as nonbinary and said, I knew it was okay to tell you, mom, because you talk about Jayme all the time, and we both cried in my office at the joy of that. And that’s really all I want is for people to find their authenticity and to be able to express it, especially if that’s queer joy and it’s authenticity in that realm, then so be it. But whatever truth you have, be able to express it fully.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. I love so much about that. And I just want to acknowledge the tender sweetness of what you just shared and how doing the brave thing and showing up as ourselves in the spaces that we exist in can inspire people we’ve never even met. Right. That we don’t even know the kind of ripple effect that we’re gonna have. And my curiosity in this moment is around. I know for me, and I know this is true for other people, and it sounds like it was probably true for you, too, that we don’t. In that process of uncovering, we don’t always know that we have to get to the truth. Right. It’s not like for me, anyway. Often there’s a discomfort. I can feel there’s something there, but I don’t always know what it is. And sometimes we just have to try a lot of shit on.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Yeah. Part of learning who we are. Well, part of my learning who I am is by learning who I’m not. Yeah. I had to go into places, you know, it’s as easy as, like, walking into a store or walking down an aisle of a bookstore and being like, I’m not really interested in the books here or being in the wrong, you know, a different section of a clothing store. No, these don’t speak to me. But that over there sure does. You know, all those sparkles or those colors. And so that has to take attention. And I’m grateful for finding meditation. I meditate every day, and I read from a lot of sources before I do to fill me up or to give me offerings of what might be on your mind today. And then I get quiet. And when I get quiet is when I get to discover what’s true for me today. And if I don’t get quiet, then I don’t get to ever pay attention to what is really going on inside of me. There’s so much going on outside, right. And the demands that the world is, you know, puts upon us. And so when I get quiet is when I find out what’s true for me. What’s not, what fits, what doesn’t, what resonates, what does not.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And I think in that process of trying things on, something I see, something I’ve experienced is that we’ll try something on. So say it’s a career or a job or a degree program. We’ll try it on and then get really attached to the effort or the whatever or the social status or the income that it can be so hard to let it go.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah.
Cate Blouke: Right. For me, that looked like spending eight years in grad school, getting a PhD, getting a job teaching college, that was basically my dream job. And then getting there and being like this part of me was like, this isn’t it? But then there was just this huge process of mourning and grieving, and then, who the fuck am I? If I am not this, then what am I? The metaphor of outfits. It’s like, oh, I had this custom suit made, except I don’t like suits.
Jayme Roderick: Right, right.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And I can’t know that until I try it on. But it’s so easy to get really wrapped up in and lost in and attached to all of the effort that I put into it to get here.
And something that’s been really helpful and true for me in my kind of paradigm of the universe of just trusting that things are. Are gonna unfold for my benefit. Right. Like, that has been so helpful for me in letting that go of, like, rather than seeing that as wasted time, right. Like, sometimes we can only find our way to what we want by finding what we don’t want. And that’s so expansive and overwhelming. Right? Like, I also, like, I had five majors as an undergrad. Cause I was like, I don’t fucking know. And then I was like, I don’t know. I give up. I like books. I guess I’ll just do that. Like, I ended up getting a PhD because I didn’t know what else to do. I liked school. School was great. I was a little a student. I got validation. That was one of the areas in which I could, like, feel worthy. Like, there were, like, metrics, right? It’s like, there were structures. There was a structure. There was like, do this thing. Get this reward, you know, feel good about yourself. Great. So I just kept doing that. But, like, it wasn’t actually kind of nourishing my spirit, filling my soul, but, like, I didn’t know what the fuck was going to nourish my spirit, right.
Jayme Roderick: Because it’s still external validation that someone was like, you’re doing great. You’re getting an a. And you’re like, oh, good. I can keep pleasing that person or that teacher or whatever and keep getting as. But you’re like, this isn’t my jam.
Cate Blouke: And, like, it’s like, I got what I wanted. I was a college professor. I was like, I was in pretty good shape. I had a tenured like, it was bananas that I walked away from this in a lot of ways. And it was hard because I was really attached to, like, but I’m. But I’m a college professor now, and if I’m not a college professor, then who the fuck am I? Because that was, like, how I was demining my life.
Jayme Roderick: This is, like what you just asked. Who am I? And I think the opportunity for me has been, who am I today? And then I always get to just turn the dial a little bit, and slowly but surely, I keep turning into who I want to be. But when I wake up one day and I go, who am I? And how did I get here? And most of us are afraid to make some rash decision or some big decision to move us where we see, oh, my God, how far adrift did I get? Where’s my island? Where’s my, you know, where’s my oar? And so it takes real bravery to stop in the middle of, I’m a professor, and look and say, how did I get here? And who am I now? And I. Because I don’t think this is what I want, right?
Cate Blouke: And it’s. And what was so uncomfortable for me was that, like, I knew what I didn’t want, but I didn’t know what I wanted yet.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Oh. I spent a whole lot of time learning what I didn’t want. I kept trying things and being like, this is not what I want. I mean, and yet that’s where I said, it’s fucked up to look back and say, you know, I wouldn’t wish trauma and abuse on anybody. And yet it’s where I get my empathy. It’s my queerness wasn’t allowed. And now I get to own my queerness. It’s where I get my. That’s why I am an emotional archaeologist. I also call myself an emotional dust rod. Like, I just sense from people, because I have known so much what it feels like to be trapped, to be in the wrong space. But it’s why I do what I do. It’s the experience of having lived through that and look back and, well, my therapist would ask, I wonder what meaning you’re going to make of this? And I was like, I never thought of that. And now I do. Now that I’m a coach, I know I tell people is what I tell people when they’re thinking about, like, oh, what is coaching? I say, I know what it’s like to feel remedial, and I know what it’s like to feel lost, like I don’t belong. I know what it’s like to not even have goals or to have goals and not even know how to attain them. But now I know how to thrive. I once knew how to survive, but now I know how to thrive. And now I know how to help other people find their way, too.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, I think something I’ve written about and that comes up a lot around here on settling is bullshit. Is. Is the way that we get to choose our stories. We get to choose the narrative of the meaning that we make on the other side of things.
Jayme Roderick: People don’t know. We get to choose. We get to create ourselves. We get to create the presents and the futures that we want. We are dictated by our pasts in a lot of ways until we really have to do the work. To say, I can’t do that anymore, I have to. I get to create myself and I get to choose. And I love. That’s why I love settling is bullshit. Because to settle is bullshit. It’s so hard. It’s so hard to settle.
Cate Blouke: It really is.
Jayme Roderick: So many of us do.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. Right. Because we’re afraid of not, or we’re afraid we’re not good enough to not. Right. I mean, that’s one of the biggest pieces for me when you were just sharing of, you know, I have goals, but I don’t know how to get there. Like, for me, it was like, I have goals. I don’t believe I deserve them. I don’t know that I’m good enough. What if I try and it doesn’t work out? Cause I can logically know, like, okay, well, here are the steps to the thing, but it really has to come from, I believe this is possible. What I love about coaching is that I get to believe in things for my clients is that I absolutely believe that we are all capable of fucking amazing things, but we need support and.
Jayme Roderick: We get to witness their transformation. And so I know firsthand that transformation is possible, and then it’s possible for all of us.
Cate Blouke: Right? And, you know, my therapist used to say, she used to invite me to try on, like, it’s going to be amazing.
Jayme Roderick: Mm. Yeah. What a beautiful phrase.
Cate Blouke: Like, it’s going to be amazing. When I was so. Because I was so afraid of not finishing grad school and I was so afraid of not getting a job, and I was so. Just so living a life run by fear. And she invited me to try on, like, what if it’s going to be amazing and amazing doesn’t mean feels good all the time, right? Doesn’t mean I’m going to get exactly what I want. But it means, like, what if? It’s gonna be remarkable, and I can’t live there 100% of the time, but I will say in the last ten years of my life, leaning into that idea that I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but it’s gonna be amazing.
Jayme Roderick: And then when it’s not, I can be with the discomfort. I can be with the discomfort. And this is the piece that also, that I am learning, is that there’s a lesson in the letdowns. There’s a lesson in the mistakes. There’s a lesson in the things that go wrong. It’s not about I did wrong. I think I better go sit this the rest of my life out. It’s, what is the lesson here? That is my. That’s, like, one of the first questions I get to ask myself when my flight’s delayed or, you know, something goes awry, and I go, well, what’s the lesson here? Or what’s the opportunity here? So we get to create ourselves every moment, all the time.
Cate Blouke: I want to know more about what you mean by we get to create ourselves. Like that word create. What does that evoke for you?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, I’m going to go back to my queerness again, because what wasn’t okay, I finally had to own that it was for me. It’s who I am. And then within that, I’ve been creating all along. Look, gender. I have a little surprise for everybody, but I think if we all took a moment and looked at our own gender, we’d be surprised that we may not all be as straight and narrow as we think we are and that we’re really all quite fluid. Change is the only thing that we can count on. I mean, just think of if you walk outside and it’s raining, and what do you want to create in the rain? Do you want to be pissed off about it, or do you want to be happy about it? Or if it’s sunny, are you automatically happy? No, because something else happened before you left. We’re always a choice, and we always get to create.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, yeah. And picking up on that, like, the effortfulness of creating ourselves. Right. And the intentionality that you have your sort of morning routine where you do these things and you’re very, like, you’re intentionally absorbing motivational content. Right. Like, if we want to believe in possibility and expansiveness and the good in the world, we gotta pay attention to the fucking media. We’re consuming, y’all. You know, true crime podcasts might be juicy, but, like, it has an impact on how we experience the world, like, what feels possible. You know, Game of Thrones is juicy, but it’s like awful people doing fucking awful things. And I want to create a kind of world for myself and a perspective for myself of, like, kindness and care and compassion and hope and inclusivity and can I just say kindness, like, 8000 more times? Like, you know, and if that’s who I want to be in the world and the worldview I want to cultivate, then it takes effort on my part to consume that and to show up in that way.
Jayme Roderick: It’s one of the reasons I’ve never watched reality tv. The only reality tv show I’ve ever watched is the Great British Baking show, actually, I think.
Cate Blouke: And they’re being kind.
Jayme Roderick: They’re rooting for each other, and they’re helping each other win, and they’re so generous, even when they don’t win, and they’re trying.
Cate Blouke: Like, God, I love the Great British Baking Show so much. I’ve watched every episode of that more than once, because it’s like normal ass people showing up for their dreams, even though it’s scary and vulnerable and hard. And they might not do it, but they tried and they support each other. They’re all rooting for each other in a way that’s just so heartwarming and wonderful, and that’s the goddamn world I want to live in.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. No, they’re so supportive. No one fails. And they do it also publicly. And it’s reminding me of, after a year of trying to transition, I stopped. And just to say I had started a short film, I didn’t finish it. I’ve tried writing for years and I haven’t finished it, and I’ve attempted to do a lot of things I haven’t finished.
And so when I stopped transitioning, and I told my friend, I said, I feel like I failed at transitioning, and he just said just simply, like, what makes you think a year of pursuing that, that you came out the same person that you began with, and it just put everything into perspective. It’s like, let us all try to be our best selves and the selves we want to try, and it’s not a failure again. It’s like, what did you learn from this? You learn more about who you are. And I think social media and tv and things don’t teach me any more about who I am. But when I dig into myself and I go inside, it’s just such a. Like a million times, like you said, can I say a kindness a thousand times? Can I say? Just being your authentic self is just infinitely more interesting to me. And knowing people who are authentically themselves is just so. Just. That’s what. That’s all they want to hang out with these days, which is why I like hanging out with you.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, well, yeah. And I’m just. I want to, like, continue to underline. Right. That, like, finding your authentic self, uncovering that, like, what is authentically me, takes a really, like, a long goddamn time and a lot of goddamn effort and a lot of goddamn discomfort and a lot of willingness to, like, be honest with ourselves about what isn’t working, even though we want it to be working.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. I was with my coach, and they were coaching me, and somehow the idea of the, you know, a popular metaphor is the transformation of the metamorphosis of a butterfly from caterpillar. But they were explaining to me, like, when they’re in that people stage, that it’s goopy, they actually turn to goop, like liquid, and it is uncomfortable, and it is goop in a sack, and it just looks messy, even from the outside. And I can only imagine how messy it is for the emerging butterfly on the inside. And so it is. But it’s so worth it, and it doesn’t happen. Like a beautiful montage behind a dressing room door. I get to try on nine outfits, and then suddenly I’m special. It actually is uncomfortable. So, anyway, that just came to me, and I just thought. And yet that is what creates a beautiful fucking butterfly.
Cate Blouke: Right. And that all of the shit that we try on, that we discard or that doesn’t work out isn’t a failure.
Jayme Roderick: Right.
Cate Blouke: Right. One of the most useful perspectives or reframes at the end of a relationship is fucking. We can’t tell ourselves it was a failure. Right. Like, the end of a relationship is not a failure. Relationships aren’t a success based on their longevity or what fucking ever. The success of a relationship is. Like, what did I learn from that? Who did I become? What did that grow me into? And how can I take that into who I want to be moving forward?
Jayme Roderick: I’m taking notes right now. Cause I’m still working on this one. But, yeah, I 100% agree with everything you’re saying.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. I mean, my last significant relationship felt kind of love of my life and was such a painful, heartbreak breakup. But even in that breakup, I knew that that relationship had grown me and changed me and been ultimately, like, absolutely for my good. The end of that relationship was with the catalyst for starting the fucking blog that then led to me getting coach training. That then led to me starting this podcast. And I could even. That time I could, like, see it in the moment, even. Even though I was still completely fucking heartbroken. And that’s where that, like, it’s going to be amazing. Peace comes in. That’s where the, like, trusting in the universe is ultimately working for our good comes in. And that it is a choice. It’s a choice to take on that perspective of, okay, I’m heartbroken and I miss this person and I don’t want this to be this way, but who is this helping? Who has this already helped me become?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. It just makes me think, what are we solving for? Is a great question that a friend of mine asks sometimes. And I really love that question. I’m thinking about. Ultimately, for me, it’s like becoming the best version of myself, whatever that is, that I don’t even know. And in that, there’s something that I heard in what you said, it’s like my self love told me that I need to let this go or that I need to be grateful that it dissolved. Like, this relationship, like, what is my learning? And can you love yourself through this? And because that, for me, is ultimately what I’m after, is just to love myself and to teach other people that they can love themselves too. Exactly where they are right now.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And that idea of, like, if we’re trying to figure out what the fuck being authentically ourselves is, right, it’s, can I love myself? Like, what are the, like, authentically, like, what are the parts of me that have been yearning to come forward that I’ve been telling myself aren’t allowed? Yeah. Like, my sensitivity, my propensity for tears. That’s just one of the various parts of myself that for the longest time I tried to stifle and was like, this isn’t allowed. And I need to buck up and I can’t be this person. And I’m so sensitive. And the more I’ve stopped fighting with that and just been like, I’m apparently crying right now. It’s fine.
Jayme Roderick: I’ve come to the conclusion that actually all the things that I thought I was supposed to hide are actually my superpowers. So when you said your propensity for tears, like, I’m an easy crier and I love to cry. As I cry, I notice these days I’m like, I’m letting go of something. I’m letting go of some shame or some grief, and then I’m replacing it with joy. And I can feel the profundity of my tears. But in that, that is my superpower, to be emotionally available. I mean, one might not think that after so much abuse and so much whatever else, so much life, that I could hold on to such a tenderness. And so it is a superpower again, when I go into coaching and my spaciousness, the space I can create for people and the generosity and the being able to look someone in the eye and let them be exactly who they are, because life is messy and people are messy, and yet they’re all whole. And so to just let people be that, those are my superpowers. And I found those through my hard hardship, is a pathway to peace. It’s part of the long version of the serenity prayer that I say to myself every day. And I appreciate my hardships because they’ve brought me to such grace.
Cate Blouke: Right? And that, oh, man. Getting to that place of appreciating our hardships, I mean, for me, like, recovery and twelve step recovery and therapy have absolutely been, like, vital in being able to get to that place 100%.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah.
Cate Blouke: But God, that’s the magic sauce of life, is being able to look back. And instead of looking back with anger and regret and self loathing, it’s to be able to sort of set all of that gunk aside. I’m just getting a metaphor of sweeping out the trash heap and saying, okay, fuck all of that noise. How amazing is it that in spite of all of that stuff, and because of all of that stuff, I am who I am today? Because I was bullied for being overweight as a kid, because I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia and raging insecurity and disordered eating and whatever, I get to show up with so much compassion and care and awareness and empathy for all of the other goddamn humans who’ve had to deal with that, too. Because you know what? Kids are fucking mean. The world can be real hard when you’re little and can’t take care of yourself, and it can really fuck you up in ways that it takes a lot of effort in adulthood to unpack.
Jayme Roderick: Right? And during all that time, you’re okay exactly where you are at any given time. And this is the other thing that came to me when you were talking. It’s that people make sense where they come from. You know, like our 8th grade selves that were bullied, or our queer selves that weren’t allowed, or our abused selves, or our food scarcity selves, or our. Wherever we come from, we make sense. And so whatever we still bring with us, it’s all. Okay. I still have control issues. I still have moments where I want to people please or caretake more than I want to just be with someone and witness them, you know? So. And I get to have that because.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And just, I’m having this moment of, like, that’s a beautiful, like, piece of, like, being our authentic selves means we get to be imperfect.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. I’m thinking that the caterpillar isn’t longing to be a butterfly, and the pupae is also like, God, if I just hurry this up and just be a butterfly already, or if I could just go back to that caterpillar stage, I’d be fine. Like, I mean, humans are the only ones that actually have the thought process to kind of recognize where they are and think about it. But it’s like, just allow ourselves to be in that state. Be messy, be squishy, be goopy, be a beautiful butterfly. On those days that you’re a beautiful butterfly, be a caterpillar all fuzzy and, like, take him forever to cross the sidewalk and eat in a leaf, you know, like, whatever, wherever you are, like, just be it. You know, don’t hurt people in the process of it. You don’t have to take it out on anybody, but you could just be it and be like, this is where I am, a munch in a leaf, and I wish I could get across the sidewalk a little faster.
Cate Blouke: Right. And, you know, it’s like, we’re also always going to be in. You know, the metaphor falls apart because, you know, the butterfly doesn’t turn back into a caterpillar, but in, like, our human suit evolution of, like, continuing to live and continuing to grow and continuing to change. Like, I can’t be the same person at 50 as I am at 40, because there’s, like, ten fucking years of the world happening in between. And, like, goddamn smartphones are gonna get implanted in our head or whatever in ten years. So, like, I can’t be the same person, so I’m gonna have to go back through the fucking. Be in a caterpillar again. Like, what is this technology shit? How do I do this?
Jayme Roderick: Ah, yeah, well, the good news, I don’t know. I’m thinking about the metaphor, and I’m trying to hold on to, well, the butterfly isn’t instantly, like, a transformed thing and then has, like, some Disney ending. It actually has to conquer the winds and still has to do its job and it has to fly. I mean, if you’re a monarch in the muchoacon and you’re trying to fly thousands of miles and then your life is actually really short, so you better get shit done, because life is also short. So let me just throw that into the mix. So maybe we don’t even have to worry about, you know, whatever’s gonna be implanted in our brains. We actually get to be right here, right now, take care of ourselves, take care of each other, and love ourselves through it. I mean, when we’re present, we don’t have to worry about what’s coming next, especially ten years down the road. Yeah, I just don’t have to wake up this, you know, tomorrow morning, give myself a high five, go do my stretches, and, you know, get myself wherever I need to get myself.
Cate Blouke: Yeah, I like that idea, though, of, okay, am I a caterpillar? Am I a pupae? Am I a butterfly? Right, like, where am I in this thing today? Right? Yeah. Right. Like, in some areas, like, I’m gonna be a goddamn butterfly. Like, I need to bake a cake for somebody. I’m butterflying it up. I know how to do that. It’s gonna be delicious. Whatever, right. But, like, I need to, like, fucking overhaul my website, whatever. Like, I’m probably in the, like, caterpillar pupae phase, and it’s very uncomfortable.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Oh, how beautiful it would be just to let ourselves all be in the. All of those states in whatever we are pursuing.
Cate Blouke: Right? Yeah, right. And I think the point I was trying to get to is, like, we’re always going to be pursuing something.
Jayme Roderick: God, I hope so. Yeah, I hope so.
Cate Blouke: I don’t know. I think anyone who is, like, on this podcast or listening to this podcast, right, we’re talking about settling his bullshit and, like, settling his stagnation. And so I believe in. In the pursuit of who we want to be and who we want to be next, and that who we are today is good enough that that’s the foundation we’re building on, that we’re not pursuing any of this shit because we need it for us to be better or different or whatever, it’s just the, like, oh, man, the world is so big and so full of possibilities and. Yeah, like, I just. I’m just tickled by the idea of, like, I get to create who I’m gonna be in ten years, in 20 years, you know, what kind of. What kind of cute, quirky old lady do I wanna be? And I can plant those seeds today. Yeah, I definitely, like, I totally have this vision of myself, and I’m gonna tell on myself here. Cause, like, maybe I’ll start taking action towards it, but, like, I wanna be one of those, like, awesome, like, 70 year old yoga ladies. But if I wanna be that, it would probably serve me to start doing yoga more. Cause I’m like, lucky if I get it in once a week. But also the fact that I’m only getting yoga in once a week is great. I’m getting yoga in once a week.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah.
Cate Blouke: You know, yeah.
Jayme Roderick: As you say that I’m, well, two things. One, two things for you. One is I still see leopard and purple in your future, 100%, no matter what age you are. But when I think about it, I’m looking forward to surprise, especially after being in recovery for as long as I’ve been in recovery. And I love the promises for anyone who’s listening that that is in twelve step recovery. And if we’re painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we’re halfway through. And I have been beyond surprise.
Cate Blouke: It’s going to be amazing.
Jayme Roderick: It’s going to be amazing. And it’s always better than what I could have curated or controlled. And I am a recovering control freak. And so to let go and just have goals and pursue them with the best of my ability and then let them go when I, you know, I can’t control them. But I am always delighted and surprised by what the outcome is, infinitely more than when I control it. So I’m just gonna be like, maybe I’m in purple and leopard. I don’t know. I’m gonna just let. Yeah, leopard tell me.
Cate Blouke: And that’s the, like, the process over product, right? Like journey over destination. Thing is, what if I can sort of look to the horizon and be like, oh, it’d be cool if I got there? Like yoga lady maybe wearing wigs, I don’t know. Right. But can I enjoy myself in that direction and trust that things are gonna unfold?
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, I think that just, can I just enjoy it? Can I just enjoy it? And can I love myself through it and to it?
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And thinking about this idea of emotional archaeology, of creating ourselves, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to find what we do. So much of that joy can be at the center.
Jayme Roderick: Oh, my gosh.
Cate Blouke: Of tapping into where is my enjoyment? Where is my joy? And what does that tell me? What wants to come forth along with that, through that, from that? Am I allowing myself joy? Am I allowing myself to enjoy myself? What are the stories that come up that tell me I can’t enjoy that? Or I can’t this, that or the other. Authenticity and joy are bedfellows or besties. I don’t know. Or the same thing.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah, that sounds right to me. Absolutely. I don’t know why. It’s. What’s coming up for me is actually like kind of the opposite, which is fear. What so much stops us. And I guess maybe just because I really want to honor people’s journeys and wherever they are, and I’m just sensing, and I’m guessing and I’m making this up, that some of your listeners right now just may be, like, in too much fear to see authenticity and possibility and. And joy and that it’s okay to be where you are. I mean, we’ve already said this, but I think when it’s really hard is where we really don’t want to be. And I don’t know, there’s just some piece of me. That piece of me wondered if while we’ve been talking, I haven’t spent enough time honoring what’s been hard, what’s been fearful. That having five majors is not great. Having eleven years of pursuing an undergrad degree was not fun because having parents come at you and say you need to choose something and telling you you should go to business school or all the things that come at you that only reinforce the fear. But just to really, like, it’s okay to just be with what scares you, what you think just feels fucking impossible.
Cate Blouke: Yeah.
Jayme Roderick: You know, when it bring us down, I just wanna bring us into a reality check. I just wanna. I’m giving all of myself, all of my love, all the capacity that I have right now. I’m just spreading the blanket of experience for everybody to be where they are.
Cate Blouke: Totally. Yeah. No, my three years in Greenville, South Carolina, which is, like, not my place, was really fucking hard. And I was so afraid of letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be and who I thought I wanted to be. Being a college professor had been my dream, and I got it. And then it wasn’t what I wanted. And then what did that mean about me? And then, you know, it was really hard to be in that place and it was really hard to be not in that, like, to make the decision, like, it was hard to be there. It was hard to decide to do something different. It was hard to get on the other side and be doing something different. And that was hard.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. A lot of learning.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And, you know, even now, the things that I am doing in my life now and the things that I am pursuing for myself now and the yearnings that I have that aren’t being met, like, that’s hard. It is yeah. And I think for me, my hope for anyone who’s listening is that at the very least, in this emotional archaeology, in this shining the light of awareness, you can take small steps, little baby actions, to shift the seesaw of hope and joy and possibility and fear and discomfort so that they’re at least a little bit more in the realm of even. And my big dream for you is we get to the sort of 51% hope and joy and possibility.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Yeah. Because that’s what then grows to 52 and then to 60. And I’m just also thinking, as I hear you, because you’ve started this podcast not that long ago, and yet you’re killing it, and it’s beautiful, and it’s so, so about who you are. There was something in that, that, like you said right now, and I was like, right now, girl, you’re crushing it. Like, you are crushing it as a coach and as a podcaster and as you step in to your own greatness and, yeah, it’s still an uphill.
Cate Blouke: Right. And I want to, like, bring forward that. Like, that can all be true and it can still be hard, and I’m still scared sometimes. Right. There’s a book called thinking in bets that I read a few years ago that I really enjoy that she just talks about basically thinking and making assertions in percentages in a way that helps with the black and white thinking, the yes or no, I’m this or I’m that. And so I don’t know. In the seesaw teeter totter analogy, I was just like, I’m like 70 30, feeling real good and feeling really in my authenticity and feeling really into hope and possibility. But like, that 30% of, like, I’m fucking afraid. This is hard. I don’t know if I’m good enough. Like, that’s there.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Well, I guess the other piece that I wanted to add, which is when I was talking about, you know, your podcast and about this now, is that find your tribe, find the people that support you. Because I’m sitting, I haven’t cried much or very fully on this podcast, but sitting across from a person who supports me so fully and wholeheartedly, and I support back, and there’s nothing like it. So we also don’t have to do this life alone. I mean, of all the things, like, yeah, you need to dip inside yourself and be with yourself and find out who you are and where your light shines and what you want and what your goals are, but share them with someone safe. Share them with someone who’s gonna hold that for you and let them help you bring it forth.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. Like, archaeologists don’t just, like, show up on their own. Like, they need fucking funding, and they need, like, teaching assistance and whatever.
Jayme Roderick: Like, yeah, my hands are dirty. I need a note taker. You know? Someone, like, writing down what the things are we’re finding and gathering and.
Cate Blouke: Right, right. Something I love. Earlier, we were kind of talking about trauma, and I was thinking about Oprah’s book, what happened to you? And something. One of the many things I love about that book is that she talks about how we don’t heal alone. We didn’t get our trauma and our wounds alone, and we don’t heal them alone. And, like, we absolutely need our people. And I’m so grateful for, like, you being one of my people and my coach being one of my people, you know, that, like, I didn’t do this on my own. I mean, I’ve done a lot of it on my own. This fucking shit. Like, I edit this shit by myself, y’all. This is a hassle. But, like, getting to the place and believing in myself and believing in what I’m doing, I’m like, well, the good.
Jayme Roderick: News is you won’t have to edit anything because all of this has just been nothing but gems.
Cate Blouke: Exactly. This is completely uncut and uncensored when you listen to it, you know, learning to ask for help.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah.
Cate Blouke: Has been such a huge part of getting to where I am today and then learning to receive it. Right.
Jayme Roderick: Preach.
Cate Blouke: And I think tapping into finding my authenticity has been finding people that I felt safe with and finding people that I could, like, unmask and really be the person that I am when I think nobody’s looking in front of somebody.
Jayme Roderick: Oh, my gosh, yes. Yeah. There are just so many things that I can do by myself, for myself, and then to actually share them with another person becomes a whole other thing.
Cate Blouke: Yeah.
Jayme Roderick: Safety is huge for a lot of us who come from a particular place.
Cate Blouke: Right, right. And, you know, and that’s why therapy is amazing. That’s why, like, recovery groups are amazing. Is that it? We find community and we find connection in at least one other person that we can sort of share our whole selves with. And once we learn that, like, that’s safe, that’s what makes it possible to do it with, like, another person and then maybe another person.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah.
Cate Blouke: You know, and to step a little bit more and a little bit more forward into who we really want to be.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. Growing community is so important, and I. It is so invaluable. To have that community, whatever community you want to build again, you’re creating yourself, and you get to create your community and find the people that support you fully and that you get to be fully yourself with.
Cate Blouke: Yeah. And, like, I think that that idea of, like, letting people go and shedding, like, it’s so painful.
Jayme Roderick: And my friend calls it sloughing. Like sluffing.
Cate Blouke: Yeah.
Jayme Roderick: Right.
Cate Blouke: Just like. Like the exfoliating. I like that. Like, exfoliating.
Jayme Roderick: My.
Cate Blouke: My phone list, my contact list. I don’t know, but it’s really hard, and it requires, or it has required of me really intentionally setting aside the scarcity mindset. Right. Because if I’m in scarcity, I can’t let go. And if I can’t let go of the people in the situations where I can’t be myself, then I can’t be myself. And it’s an uncomfortable and painful place to be, and it’s not worth the trade off, is what I have found is that the more I put myself in situations where I can’t be more self, the smaller I get.
Jayme Roderick: Yeah. And the opposite of that is the more I step into my authentic self. Like, I’ve realized I’m a miracle. I’ve realized I am powerful. I realize other people are powerful. Other people are huge. Can be. Like, when they step into who they are, they declare who they are, what they want. They get to be leaders of their own lives, of themselves, and the things they want to pursue. And that’s what’s so beautiful. Like, I’m just picturing now suddenly, like, all these Venn diagrams overlapping. But when people are so small, they’re like, no one’s touching. They’re like separate little bubbles. But when we all get to step into our authentic selves, we get to be huge, and we all overlap where we overlap. And then we hold such grace and possibility and love and support for each other.
Cate Blouke: I love that I’m just picturing this world of all of us having these big, beautiful, sparkly energy bubbles that we walk around the world in and can.
Jayme Roderick: Touch and, like, ugh, my musical theater queen ness is coming through, and I’m picturing Glinda the good witch coming out in her big, round bubble. And we all get to be in Glinda the good witch bubbles.
Cate Blouke: Right?
Jayme Roderick: And shine how we shine.
Cate Blouke: I love that. Jayme, what’s your invitation for a listener?
Jayme Roderick: Oh, my gosh. My invitation is get quiet and get in touch with that center, juicy sweetness of yourself. Find the thing you love. Fingernails, left, middle, finger, knuckle, whatever it is and just love the shit out of it and then keep growing it. I have a picture of myself when I was twelve, and I was dissociative and I was chubby and I looked like a deer in the headlights. And I have it on my mantle because it was the hardest version of myself that I could possibly love. I hated that kid, and it pains me to say that I hated that kid, but now I love that kid. I love all the parts of myself that poor kid that went through so much. That’s where the miracle is. So my invitation to people is to find the miracle in yourself and keep blowing it up, to keep sparkling and keep growing it, and let it direct you to who you are, best in the world, and then give it away. Because my job now is to give all that I’ve learned away to other people so they can shine.
Cate Blouke: Beautiful. Jayme, where can people find you?
Jayme Roderick: Well, I’m on Instagram. I have two accounts. I have a personal account, Jayme rocket. That’s j a y m e. Rocket. And then I’m also coach Jayme. I also have a website, Jaymerodrickcoaching.com. and I am happy to talk to you about coaching and see if you want to be a client of mine, because I love coaching so much and I want to help you get to the best version of yourself that you can imagine. And you can find me on LinkedIn, and you can probably find me walking around Golden Gate park in San Francisco sometime.
Cate Blouke: Jayme, final question. What brings you joy?
Jayme Roderick: Connecting with people’s hearts. My heart to their heart. I just want to connect with people.
Cate Blouke: Beautiful. Well, our hearts are connected across this kitchen table and when we’re not in each other’s proximity, it’s been so beautiful to have you.
Jayme Roderick: Thank you so much.
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