Hi! Hello. Welcome. 💜

I’m Cate Blouke – your sometimes sassy, always tender-hearted author. 

I started this blog because I’d been writing shit professionally (i.e. for other people) for well over fifteen years and was getting tired of writing by other people’s rules. Some of it was wonderfully interesting (theater reviews), but much of it was dreadfully boring (SEO blog posts about software development). None of it was in my voice, and none of it was particularly vulnerable, or real, or at all sweary.

Then I went through a pretty profound breakup and started looking at what the fuck I was really doing with my life (like ya do). I realized that I wasn’t, in fact, doing the things that mattered to me. 

What I want to be doing with my life is helping other people believe in themselves while also staying true to myself. So, I took a whole bunch of training programs to become a life coach, and I started writing this blog to share about all the things I’m thinking and learning in that regard. And, when it comes to staying true to myself, my friends, I like to curse and to start sentences with conjunctions. So, here we are.

Settling Is Bullshit is a space for me to share openly, honestly, and in my own voice whatever insights or advice or emotional-healing-related concepts are up for me or my friends or clients at any given time. Someday, should the universe and my loyal readers will it, I’ll probably turn all of this into a book. 

What qualifies me to offer people sweary life advice? Idk. What makes anyone qualified for anything?! 

Qualification and imposter syndrome are a whole thing for me (and lots of women, especially), but I do actually feel like I have a lot to offer thanks not only to extensive coaching training, but also to many, many years of healing and reading and work on myself. In other words, I’ve got 10+ years of therapy, EMDR, trauma work, mindfulness, 12-step recovery, online courses, individual and group coaching, hundreds of podcast episodes, and books and books and books and books of reading on self improvement or neuroscience or spirituality or psychology to draw from. I also have a PhD in rhetoric, but you can decide for yourself how relevant that might be. 

I’m a big fan of the enneagram, nonviolent communication, authentic relating, astrology and other woo woo shit, Brene Brown, Tosha Silver, Sonya Renee Taylor and dozens of other authors I’ll eventually compile into a list for you to peruse. (Or, maybe someday I’ll get my Goodreads account fully up to speed.) I tend to quote or paraphrase or link to a huge number of other resources in my posts – both because I believe in giving credit where it’s due and because I’m treating this space as a playground for sharing little tidbits of the wisdom I’ve picked up over the years. If something I write inspires you to go pick up somebody else’s book, I’ll consider that a job well done on my part.

What else might you want to know? I’m a forty-something, white, cisgender, childless, queer (though I mostly end up dating cisgender dudes), tattooed, neurodivergent (ADHD & CPTSD inna house!), cat-owning, long distance running, crafty (as in knitting), graduate school survivor, talented baker, former academic, home-owning resident of Portland, Oregon. Sometimes I perform improv comedy, too.

I believe in love, joy, kindness, and not taking shit too seriously. I believe people are inherently good and doing the best they can with what they’ve got. 

I believe that capitalism, the patriarchy, and white supremacy have really done a lot to fuck up the lives of all Americans, and that applies to BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ folx especially. I’m not an expert on social justice, and I bring a lot of privilege to the table. I try to be aware of all that and do what I can to learn and grow and make things better as best I can. 

I offer one-on-one coaching sessions for folks who want to live more authentic, balanced, creative, and fulfilled lives. Find me over at Wanderlight Coaching if you want to see what working with me as a coach might look like or to request a discovery call.

My intention is to continue to offer as much content as possible for free since access is a major value of mine. I wish everyone could get the mental health care and coaching support and validation they need to thrive in whichever human suit they’ve been assigned this go round. But since that’s not the case, my hope is that the posts here provide at least a little bit of hope and humor and encouragement to anyone who’s struggling.

Ummm… the end?

Love and hugs forever,

Cate