Do you dream about bigger, cooler, more joyful ways of being but just can’t quite seem to make them happen? Or, to maintain momentum once you start? If so, you are not alone, my friend. Not at all. It’s so fucking hard to stay motived – even around the things we deeply, desperately want for…
Tag: life advice
Doing Things Imperfectly – In Public
What does it mean to have a perfect house? Perfect body? Perfect job? What does perfection feel like? Does it have a color, or a taste? Is it even real? When I stop to think about it, I don’t really know the answer to any of that. In my four decades on earth, I don’t…
Taking “No” for an Answer
For a single-syllable, two-letter word, “no” can get pretty complicated for a lot of us. Sometimes it’s easy, straightforward, and no big deal. Sometimes it’s heartbreaking. Sometimes the prospect of hearing it is so terrifying that we don’t even ask for what we need. Regardless of whether we struggle with people-pleasing, both giving and receiving…
What If *Everything* Counted?
Fitbits, Apple watches, apps upon apps upon apps… if you’re doing a thing and want to track it, the technology is there. Want to know how you’re sleeping? There’s an app for that. Want to keep an eye on water intake, or mood, or your cycle, or stress levels, or even your bowel movements –…
Permission to Change Your Mind
Decisiveness can be a useful character trait in a lot of situations. We’re each faced with hundreds of decisions on a daily basis, so being able to quickly sift through options and take action saves us a lot of time and energy. However, decisiveness can also hold us back from self care, gentleness, and listening…
Deciding People Mean Well
No matter how kind or compassionate or generous we may be, people are going to hurt us. That’s a reality of being in relation with other humans. People fuck up, and our feelings get hurt. We get angry. We sometimes retaliate, even when we don’t mean to. Everybody behaves like a jerk sometimes. Welcome to…
Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Choice
While we often talk about “feeling” hopeful, that phrasing is a little misleading – because unlike sadness or joy or fear, hope isn’t actually a feeling. It’s a mental process that we can choose to engage in. It’s not an internal signal that naturally occurs. In other words, hope is something we do rather than…
Happiness is Fleeting, Wholeness Persists
I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in recovery is that feelings aren’t forever – all of them. Happy, sad, afraid, elated, hopeless, irritated, confused, delighted, embarrassed, ashamed, adored… none of them are permanent states of being, and trying to make them last is an unrealistic goal. But we do try, and…
Crying in Public Is a Service to Humanity
When was the last time you saw someone cry in real life? That is, someone other than yourself (if you’re even prone to letting yourself cry)? Has it been a while? Can you even remember a time?! I hope you can. But I rather suspect for many folks who aren’t either in recovery or working…
Stepping Into Discomfort
To be comfortable, according to ye ol’ dictionary, is to be free from vexation, doubt, stress, or tension. I.e. to be comfortable means to be free of anything that stretches or changes us in any way – because change means stepping into the unknown, stepping into the potential for doubt, stress, and vexation. In other…
Settling Is Bullshit 